So many things happen during the day that affect you. Some days, there are so many that you don’t even have the time to process them. We accumulate emotions that have not been lived. We go from one thing to the next, and we may think what we don’t have the time, or space, to feel an emotion the moment that it shows up.
We suppress our emotions because we believe that we cannot afford to pay attention to them; we have to be ok, all the time. We ignore our feelings and they keep accumulating, like letters in the mail. The problem is that these ignored feelings affect us, physically and emotionally, whether we want them to or not.
In other cases, we act as if nothing had happened because we are afraid that if we react or say something, we will create a bigger problem or an argument, and we decide to forget it, trying to make the emotion disappear, unsuccessfully. Or we feel that we don’t have the right to respond to an emotion, and we just silence ourselves, or stop expressing our thoughts and feelings, even to the point of losing our voice, or becoming disconnected from ourselves.
Any of the above sound familiar? How many times have you swept your feelings under the rug and have moved on with your life? These unheard and unfelt emotions create emotional toxins. And just like you take a shower to clean your body every day, you should find a way to do the same with all the emotional stuff accumulated. Journal about what you experience and what you feel, reflect on it while you walk, meditate, or just release what happened, and forgive yourself or others, if necessary.
Find a way to let go of emotions that works for you, but be with them first. Emotions don’t want to be forgotten, they want to be heard. By looking at them you will learn more about yourself, what triggers you, and how you react when faced with certain events. This awareness will create a space where you will be able to see the emotion coming to you and, deliberately, decide how to respond to the experience, even when you are feeling deeply. Like when you are angry, and you know it, but you decide not to take what happened personally, let the anger go, and you respond with kindness. It is your choice.
Remember that the emotions are yours, you create them, and you can let them go. Others can’t create your emotions, they just trigger them. Don’t blame others for what you feel. Instead, observe what happens within yourself during your day, recognize what you feel and honor it. There aren’t good or bad emotions, they are just energy in motion in your system. Find the courage to feel what you feel, and your life will be broader and deeper. Hear the message every emotion wants to deliver to you and be true to yourself.
"Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose.
Don't lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier"
We tend to take our life for granted without appreciating its gifts. There are so many things that you can appreciate every day of your life. Have you realized how many days pass by in which you don't feel this appreciation? Pause and look around while you go through your day. There is beauty all around you, little things that can make your heart sing. You can experience moments of laughter, awe, Love, and joy. Don’t miss them.
To appreciate something, it is necessary to become aware of its existence. It is necessary to pay attention. To do it, you have to stop living only in your mind or on autopilot. Look around, connect with what life brings to you, be present and do one thing at a time. Once the sense of appreciation exists in your life, you can be grateful for it, but not before. Being grateful connects you to Love, Love for yourself, your life, and all that exists.
Appreciation starts with yourself, with the idea of unconditionally accepting who you are and being proud of yourself, of knowing your gifts, your strengths, your worth, and what you bring to the world. To Love yourself means to appreciate yourself totally and completely. Don’t wait until you receive validation and Love from someone else. The way to get them is to value and to Love yourself.
Appreciate what you have, don’t overlook it. There are so many things to be grateful for. It is so easy to focus on what is lacking in your life, but this will only bring you more lack. We tend to judge our life because it doesn’t look like the way it should. We are so hard on ourselves because we believe that we are not good enough. We can receive more abundance now, and being grateful for what we already have is the first step to making it happen.
Do you need ideas about what you can be grateful for? Be grateful for having a body that works and two legs that take you wherever you want to go, for your two eyes that allow you to see a wonderful sunset. Be grateful for the Love of your family and friends, for a kiss, a smile, a hug, for the Love you receive daily. Be grateful for the breeze in your face, for the sun that bathes you, for the flower that blooms for you. Be grateful because you are alive and you have the energy to do whatever you want. Enjoy every moment of your wonderful life. Don’t wait until you lose something to appreciate it.
Observe the conversation you have with yourself. Don’t get caught in thoughts that create self-doubt, judgment, and criticism. Stop thinking about the different issues you may have, pointing out what is not working, or it is not the way you want. Love what is as much as you can, even if you don’t like it, or it is not what you may have chosen. Your appreciation and gratitude open you up to abundance, to receiving, to being in the flow of life, of giving and receiving, and they will transform you and every aspect of your life.
"Give yourself a gift of five minutes of contemplation in awe of everything you see around you.
Go outside and turn your attention to the many miracles around you. This five-minute-a-day
regimen of appreciation and gratitude will help you to focus your life in awe"
Dr. Wayne Dyer
You are never alone, you are always supported. Those who feel confident don’t feel that way because they know everything, or because they are perfectly prepared. They do it because they are able to trust, they trust themselves and the Universe. They are people that know that confidence comes from not being afraid to try even if you fail, that you can act even when you are afraid, that life presents opportunities and not only challenges. They know that they are always guided.
Some people intuitively know that they have to take the first step and that the rest will follow. They may not know how or when, but they trust. How easy it is to trust when things go well, when you feel safe, and when your life works. But, what about when you face a big challenge? Can you trust, then? And more importantly, how do you trust?
Trust is like intuition, in a certain way. When you trust you get information from you know not where, but that feels right. Trust is like an inner voice that supports and encourages you to keep moving forward with your life and says “things will work out for you.” To be able to trust and follow the guidance you need some peace of mind, silence, and stillness. Be focused and pay attention.
Self-doubt will attack you when trust is not totally there. You want proof, you look for security, and you don’t like to make decisions when all is uncertain. You want to have things under control. But there are moments in life when you can only trust. It requires practice, but trust is something you can learn and develop. It is important to discover how to trust yourself and stop sabotaging your life.
What can you do when the enemy of trust shows up? Know that the inner critic, who plays in your mind with all these negative thoughts when you feel in danger or not confident, can be trained to be more supportive. It will require to become aware of your thoughts, and to consciously develop better, more supportive, happier thoughts. You are the owner of your thoughts, and you can choose them.
You will become more self-confident if you accept the idea that you have the power to change anything you want in your life because you are not a victim of your present circumstances. You may be going through a difficult moment, but this is not who you are. The power of letting go of the past, self-criticism, and blame, and the healing energy of forgiveness, are your allies. Let us trust. What a relief!
"With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's ability,
one can build a better world"
Stay present and keep going no matter what. We tend to invest too much time of our lives looking at the past to see what could have gone wrong and how we could have done things differently, or to the future, daydreaming or worrying about a future that we are building.
Don’t stop yourself by thinking too much. Just do what you want to at the moment. Follow the energy where it takes you. Be aware of what is your desired destination, but give up the idea that there is only one way to get there. Things can be different than you imagine. You may have to take a detour.
Let go of the need to control your life, and learn to be in the moment. You are resourceful, you are more powerful than you imagine, and you don’t need to have everything ready before you start. A good idea of where you are going, of what you desire, and all your intention to get somewhere, are good enough to activate the necessary energy to have your desires fulfilled.
When we are in the process of doing something, sometimes we don’t see the progress we make day by day. If you feel stuck and impatient, look at your life and I am sure you will find something to celebrate, that you have accomplished, that makes you feel closer and able to reach your goal, dream, or desire.
Remember that the important thing is the journey, not the destination. Focus on enjoying every moment of the trip, without judging it. Don’t fight with life, accept it as it is. Nothing remains the same, there are infinite possibilities available to you. You can make changes, you can live in a different way, and it will happen if you continue on your way no matter what.
Believe in yourself. Don’t allow others, or yourself, to sabotage your life and intentions. Keep them for yourself if necessary. Don’t look outside of yourself to find approval and validation, or compare yourself with others. Focus on your resources, and you will find your gifts and talents, the ones you will have to use for the journey of life.
Persist, insist, resist if necessary. Life can be tough at times, but you will get where you want if you keep trying. Ask for guidance, talk to those who may help you, open your heart to receive support and resources. Live your life with freedom and happiness in your heart. You may not have the life you want yet, but you have a life to live and to enjoy.
Self-judgment can be a pattern. Something you do without realizing it. Be aware if it happens, and transform it into self-appreciation. You are good enough. You can do it and you will. You may not know the way, but it will be clear to you at a certain point of the path.
Perhaps what you want won’t happen in the timing you expect, but within a divine timing. But never give up on your dreams. They are only yours, and they are there to inspire you, and to take you to the next step in your life. Every baby step counts. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
"As long as you keep going, you will keep getting better. And as you get
better, you gain more confidence. That alone is success"
Do it slowly, do it gently, do it with Love. Whatever you do, do it because you want to, with all your energy, with passion, with commitment. When you really want to accomplish something, you don’t even need to set up a goal. Your energy shows up and things happen. It becomes real. Yet there are things that are difficult for each of us, that we want to change, but we cannot because the effort that it’d take feels like having to climb a mountain.
Take action and make changes because you want to, because you choose to, not because you believe you have to. Find the motivation within yourself. The Love for yourself is the energy that will allow you to introduce any change in your life or to achieve anything you set your mind to. There is no more powerful reason than that to find the strength to change those things that are not working in your life, or to start treating yourself with more care to become happier and healthier.
It would be easier to introduce new things in your life if you had a clear idea of what you wanted to accomplish in your life. See the big picture. What are you looking for? What do you really desire? What will make you happier and fulfilled? More energy, more balance, more fun, more health, more abundance, a relationship? You can divide your goal into different actions you can take, and just start, slowly but surely. Take one action after another, without looking much further into the future.
When you want to change something, every baby step counts. You want to write a book, then write at least a couple of pages each day. You want to exercise, realize that you need to create the habit and that one day in the gym is better than none. You want to eat a healthy diet, then maybe just looking at the menus you may like and buying groceries is a good first step. Take the first small step and the rest will follow. Find a way that works for you.
We tend to put so much pressure on ourselves. Whatever you commit to has to be realistic and achievable. Don’t make the challenge too big. Don’t try to do everything at the same time. Introduce small changes and when they become a routine in your life, then go for your next goal. Maybe you have tried to accomplish this before and you didn’t succeed. But the fact that you didn’t achieve it in the past doesn’t mean that you cannot do it today. Ask for help if you need it. Find a support group, do it with a friend, or hire a coach. You don’t have to do it alone.
Don’t focus on what you don’t want to do. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you are ready. First, find the strength you need and make yourself ready! Stop setting up the same goals and abandoning those days or weeks later. Just make a commitment with yourself to change something and go for it. It can be something small but important, and when you accomplish it you will feel more empowered and on control of your life. You are more powerful than you imagine!
"I started reading about people of great accomplishment... and it dawned on me suddenly that
the person who has the most to do with what happens in your life is you"
Life is not static, it is constant creation. All you desire is already happening somewhere, at this exact moment. You don’t know why this is possible. You cannot understand how you are creating, but it doesn’t matter, it will happen while you keep your desires alive, don’t stand in your own way, and are open to receiving, at any moment.
In some place, there is someone that will Love you the way you are, someone that will treat you like you deserve, someone that will share all his Love with you without asking you for anything in return. The fact that unsuccessful relationships are part of your story, doesn’t mean that the most wonderful Love is not around the corner.
There is the perfect place for you, the house of your dreams exists or is already being built someplace. The place where you belong and that feels like home is waiting for you. You will get there if you allow it to happen. It is not a matter of time, effort, or money; it is a matter of readiness. Your task when faced with anything you desire in life is to make yourself ready to receive it. Don’t sabotage your opportunities.
Your life can change for the better at any moment. You should expect the best because this is what the Universe has in store for you. You deserve it. Can you believe it? Stop thinking about what can go wrong, where can you fail, about the worst case scenario. Don’t judge your life and put yourself down. Don’t put limits on yourself. Don’t say no. Be open to receiving all that can come to you unexpectedly, when you less imagine it, in a way you haven’t experienced before.
Let go of your timing and the life you have planned, and open yourself up to the world of imagination. There is a different way of living and being, and it is simpler than what you may be experiencing now. It is based on being in alignment, on the connection between your thoughts and emotions, your words and your actions.
When you are connected, you feel confident because you know that you are not alone, that you are always guided. You perceive clearly that you are not the creator of your life, that there is a more powerful force, call it what you want, that helps you at any moment if you allow it to happen. You have free will though, and you can always choose how you want to live your life.
Expect the unexpected. Convince yourself that step by step you can build the life you want, that nothing is eternal and that wonderful changes can happen at any moment. Focus your attention and intention in what matters to you, but without putting pressure on yourself.
At all moments there is Love available for you, at all moments, there is hope in front of you, at all moments there is happiness around you. Take what you need and share it. Elevated thoughts, loving thoughts, grateful thoughts, will change your reality at any moment. Life has big surprises and lots of gifts in store for you. Are you ready? They can arrive at any moment.
"There's always going to be the circumstances you can't plan for.
There's always the unexpected relevance and the serendipity"
Why is a magic question. Have you used it lately? Why you have the belief system you have? Why you do the work you do? Why are you facing these difficulties? Why are you in this relationship? Why you haven’t found the Love of your life? Why you are not experiencing wellbeing? Why you are not happier? I can go on and on. It is important to ask yourself questions.
Stop living your life on autopilot and be conscious of your choices, those things you try to ignore, or you don’t pay enough attention to. You may be stuck in a career, relationship, or health problem because you haven’t asked yourself why am I here? Once you start asking yourself, you have to be open to receiving the answers. Be honest with yourself and listen. Sometimes we don’t dig deep enough because knowing more will force us to make changes in our lives.
There is a cost of opportunity to not changing anything. It is stagnation. Life itself is change, letting go, embracing the new. You shouldn’t stop yourself, put limits to what you can accomplish, or postpone your happiness. Are you scared of finding out the reason why you are stuck in certain situations or patterns, why some of your life circumstances never change?
Perhaps this is the reason you just keep doing the same again and again. You are too busy to question yourself, to stop and think, to breathe and listen to your inner voice. You think that there is not enough time to make changes, you tell yourself that your life is ok, or that you cannot ask for more. Maybe you are too tired, or you feel that there is a lack of opportunities. As a result, you don’t take any action.
What if all could change for the better? Would you be willing to change to achieve more wellbeing, abundance, Love and happiness? This is what is waiting for you around the corner. Start believing in yourself and in your capabilities of creating a wonderful life for you and those around you.
Focus on what matters: being. Find the time and the energy to take baby steps towards the existence you want. Ask yourself, how do I start? And allow the information to flow. You will be guided. Rely on it, and see it happening.
When you live a life you don’t like you will experience an inner conflict that can manifest itself as lack of energy, sadness, no zest in life, poor health, financial difficulties, or relationships that don’t work. These are signs, clear ones, that there is something you are doing that is not in working for your benefit. Be grateful for your life and then observe yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, your attitude, your beliefs, your desires… and your whys.
Review your life, with lots of Love and compassion, without being judgmental. You have to give yourself permission to create a new you. You don’t really need to change; you only have to become yourself. Let go of what doesn’t allow you to shine properly. Discard what holds you back. Be brave enough to release the past and to live in the present moment. Allow yourself to receive what you desire.
Try not to criticize yourself in the process. Explore your life and choices with kindness. Remember that there are no mistakes or wrong choices, just decisions made in the past. You have never lost your time, you just have learned from whatever you experienced.
Forgive yourself for being stuck in situations. Don’t become a victim of your circumstances. Don’t blame bad luck or others. Accept yourself, your life, and move on. Your life starts anew in this exact moment. Only if you want it to. You deserve to be happier. You deserve a life full of joy. You can have it all. Why? Because you are amazing!
"Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have or do"
Self-confidence does not depend on your success, it is more of an attitude towards life. When you feel confident, you don’t feel invincible because you are superman or superwoman; your confidence comes from an inner feeling that no matter how life turns out or what happens to you, everything will be ok because you will find a way to overcome any obstacle in your life.
It can be hard to have confidence in yourself when things are not working the way you want, and life becomes challenging. I know because I stopped believing in myself during a long period of my life, not finding the energy to move from a victim mode and depression to a state of mind where I could see opportunities and solutions that I could apply into my life. But this is the past and it is not happening anymore because I am not afraid of living and I don’t need to control every aspect of my life. I feel safe. I feel alive.
Now I know that I am always supported and that, whatever comes my way is there because I can handle it. I have the power to do it. Now I know that someone has my back, the Universe. I have understood that guidance is always there for me. That help comes when I ask for it, from wherever it has to arrive and in any possible form and that I am never alone.
Life shouldn’t be hard. No matter what is going on, a devastating illness, losing your job, financial difficulties, problems in your relationships… You may be sad or in pain, but you can find a way to go through it while avoiding the extra suffering. Self-confidence brings more balance and peace into your life. It has power, the power to accomplish, to overcome, to decide, to become, to succeed, the power of loving yourself.
You should be confident not only when all is great and life smiles at you. You need self-confidence the most when you cannot look at yourself and be proud of yourself or of your choices. Don’t blame yourself, don’t judge yourself, and don’t feel self-pity.
Things are not working, you have problems, I understand, but you have a life to live. You have to get up and pull yourself together. You owe this to yourself. Step into your power and state your confidence. Tell yourself: “I can and I will. I don’t know how, but I will find a way”.
You are not your problems, circumstances, or difficulties. You are much more important that all of this. They are the scenario of your life and you are the actor or actress. You are the star in the play. You have abilities, you have gifts, and you have the power of Self-Love, to make everything happen.
The Universe is at your service to help, but you need to listen to the guidance. Stop and listen carefully because its voice whispers, it sends helpers your way, signs and synchronicities,and shows you the best path for you now. Be confident!
"I believe the process of going from confusion to understanding
is a precious, even emotional, experience that can be the
foundation of self-confidence"
When you ask someone the question “How are you?,” the person you are talking to will choose something in the line of “I am fine”, “All good”, “I am doing well”, but they won’t tell you what they really feel or how they are really doing at the moment, they will give you an answer that is not real.
Some people think that nobody is interested in their problems, challenges or their emotional or physical health. They don’t want to bother others with their burdens, or maybe they feel that nobody will really listen with interest.
Others want to keep what is not working in their lives private, and they always show a happy face to the world, even when they don’t feel happy. In this new era we post all good news in Social Media, but who do we tell the not so good news?
We feel that we have to be ok all the time, that we cannot be down, that we need to be resilient no matter what we are going through, a divorce, a transition, an illness, legal problems, financial stress, the loss of someone we love... and we don’t.
The fastest way, and the one that will allow you to go through life with less suffering in whatever circumstances you are going through, is not to hide what is happening, not to put it aside, not to deny it. It is to face it.
When you do, be kind and compassionate with yourself and accept the situation, whatever it is. Give yourself the necessary time to process what is going on, don’t jump to the end of the process that you will need to do in order to overcome the difficulty and bounce back.
Be authentically you, no matter what is going on, be honest with yourself. Analyze yourself and your feelings, try to understand where your thoughts come from and revise old belief systems to see if they are still serving you, see your patterns of behavior as allies to point you in the right direction to change.
Yes, change. Here we are again, this magic word that nobody wants to hear. Life is change. Today you are not the same person you were yesterday… even if you want to keep yourself stuck, it won’t be possible, life will kick your behind and make a move for you if you don’t. Your body changes, your cells renew, and you experience new situations, different life circumstances, interact with others, travel, read, learn, and expand your horizons.
You are here to evolve and grow. You can do it smartly, easily, with Love for yourself and your life, being grateful for the opportunity to be alive. Or you can continue hiding your problems, being unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and going around with a mask and telling yourself “I am fine”.
What are you going to answer the next time someone asks you how you are doing? I have a suggestion: why don’t you take a minute of your time to figure out how you really are. This time, answer yourself honestly, accept what is, without judgment.
Later on, you may want to spend some time brainstorming about what you can do to improve your life and circumstances. Or you can have a pity party before you decide to let go of what is not allowing you to move forward, to release it, to move on. You always have a choice. Today, choose to make yourself happy. Do one thing for you, small or big, take action and see the change.
"Your preparation for the real world is not in the answers you have learned,
but in the questions you have learned how to ask yourself"
All of us have experienced moments when we felt overwhelmed, overworked, exhausted, or out of energy and enthusiasm for life. Life’s circumstances will put you in a spot where you don’t have any other option but to accept the challenge and do what needs to be done.
The reason why you feel so tired can be an excess of work, the deadline of a project, or just not enough personnel in your company. You may be experiencing stress from your relationships, maybe your marriage is not working, or you have lost a loved one and are grieving. Maybe you can’t sleep at night because you are taking care of a sick family member or your child, or just thinking about how to pay the bills at the end of the month.
The worry will eat away at you. You won’t be able to find a solution by worrying. Instead, you will add more energy to the problem. You will drain yourself and run out of energy. This is the energy that you will need to be able to focus on what you can do differently, and on how you can receive help. Yes, you can receive help, if you allow it to happen. You are never alone, and you don’t need to know how to resolve every situation you are faced with.
Take a deep breath… yes, now. Do it now. What are you going to lose? Just let me guide you. Take another breath, and now a deeper one. When you exhale, let go of all that is worrying you. You haven’t had enough with one breath to release everything? Then take another one, and one more, until you visualize all the worry, stress, anxiety, and dark clouds on your mind going away. Great! Thank you for trying.
Now, focus on inhaling the most wonderful and powerful energy that you can imagine. Every breath you take is a new beginning, and when you inhale, you take in all the new you want in your life, and when you exhale, you let go of all the old that you don’t want in your life anymore.
Why have I asked you to do this breathing exercise? Because I know that it works. Because I also needed to read it. I have the temptation to put more things on my calendar than I can accomplish. I start big projects, and travel around the world, and I serve my clients, but I need to remember that I cannot lose myself in the process, that my well-being and health are my first priority, and that nothing will make sense if I lose them.
When you feel so tired that you cannot think clearly, when you need a crane to get up from bed, when you cannot relate with others without getting triggered and angry and the smallest things bother you, stop and breathe. Just that. Reconnect with yourself, reassess your priorities, and ask for help if necessary. To whom? To whoever will come to help you.
The help you need can come from an unknown person, a colleague, a friend, a sibling, or a being sent by the Universe (there are a lot of them ready to help you if you allow it to happen), or even a book or a message. Be smart enough to not sacrifice yourself for any cause, person or reason. If you Love yourself enough you will understand why you cannot do it. You are the most valuable thing you have, and unless you are ok, you won’t be able to help anyone else.
"I’ve decided to be happy because it is good for my health" - Voltaire
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.