Calmness and peace of mind are normal states of being, and you may have forgotten how well you feel when you are at peace, tranquil, and your body is relaxed. Relaxation and peace of mind are inner states. You may tell yourself that you are stressed by the circumstances, the environment, the situation, and that there is nothing you can do about it. But your inner state doesn’t depend on the external circumstances, but on how you react to them.
You cannot change the current situation. It is hard, and I am sure you don’t want to experience it. Can you accept what is happening without entering a spiral of fear and stress? Most of our suffering is created by our fight with reality. Make this easier for you. At the present moment, you are safe, all is well. Don’t transport yourself to an unknown future. Live here and now. Be in this moment. Look for what makes you feel good and do more of it. Center your attention on what still works (not on what does not).
Focus on yourself right now. Scan your body and see how you feel. Look at your mind and see what the predominant thoughts you have are. Are you tense or relaxed? Is your body at ease or contracted? Is your mind at peace or racing? Lots of things can be happening inside you, all at the same time. What you think and feel affects you, all of you. Stress, worry, and fear create a challenge for the body and lower its ability to heal itself.
Observe yourself and ask, what do I need now? What can I do to feel better? Maybe you can stop and take some deep breaths, or close your eyes and relax every part of your body for some minutes, connect with people you Love and cheer them up or allow them to uplift you, journal everything you are experiencing to let it go, listen to your favorite music and dance, devote some time to learning something new, read a good novel and move into the world of imagination… Be creative!
You can change your thoughts and feelings, you can decide to look at a situation differently. Nobody except you is in charge. Yes, there is fear, panic, and scary news, and you can feel all of it in the environment. If you lose your peace of mind you can come back to it. You can release and not accumulate all the emotions you experience and see in others around you. Don’t overwhelm yourself with information and conversations filled with negativity.
Humanity is facing a very difficult situation and trying to control something that is new. But we have done it before, we have overcome illnesses, wars, destruction, hunger, other pandemics… and many other disasters. You will go through this, but try to remain calm and positive as you do. Try to be there for others. Bring peacefulness and a bit of happiness to the world in these difficult times. Be a pillar of light in the dark moments. You can do it!
There is a place inside yourself where there is peace, stillness, and tranquility. It is a place where you can let go of all the thoughts and feelings that don’t allow you to be at peace. It is a place where you can rest, and allow your body to relax. It is an inner home, a place where you feel still and your mind is calm.
You have the key to this space where the outside world disappears, and you can experience true peace. You can arrive there by cultivating mindfulness, relaxing your body, being in silence, taking a pause and being with yourself, breathing slowly and deeply, doing a guided meditation, going to your heart and connecting with the energy of Love that resides there… going within. Invest in yourself and your health, and remain calm.
"When you have peace in yourself and accept, then you are calm enough to do something,
but if you are carried by despair, there is no hope"
Thich Nhat Hanh
Your inner world is a space inside of yourself that you can call home. It is a quiet, still, and wonderful place, where you can recharge batteries, connect with yourself, and remember who you really are. I love a quote by Gunilla Norris that illustrates this: “Within each of us, there is a silence as vast as the Universe. And when we experience that silence, we remember who we are.” You have a body and a mind, but you are more than a human being because the divine resides within you.
We live most of our lives focused on the exterior world. We get our value, our Love, and our resources, from outside sources. We invest lots of energy in finding 'our place in the world.' We depend upon others to feel good, accomplished, and valuable because it seems that our sources are others’ opinions or validation, social standards, religious or cultural beliefs, social media… I invite you to find, within yourself, the whole truth of who you really are and what the life you want to live is. Make regular visits to your inner residence.
Invest in knowing yourself. Spend time in your own company, in calmness, and doing nothing. Breathe and just be. Pause and relax. Ask yourself questions and you will receive answers. Find ways to learn about yourself, such as your astrological birth chart, the Akashic Records, the messages of your dreams, meditation, or others. Step into the unknown parts of yourself. Discover the beautiful you, the real you, who you are. Reveal your magnificence. Inner work will allow you to inhabit your inner world. The only one that is real and where Love resides.
Do inner research to find who you are. Ask yourself what your values are core beliefs are, and if you are living according to them. Maybe you have never asked yourself these kinds of questions before, but perhaps now is the right moment. Accept what you discover without judging yourself. Awareness is the first necessary step. Once you decide what your new life is going to be, it will be the moment to take action and live differently and happily.
It may seem easier to avoid any kind of introspection and live a life where all is set up and clear, where you know what you have to do, how you have to behave, and what is going to happen if you follow the rules of the system. If you just want to fit in, that’s ok. But to live authentically will require from you to step out of the known world, the one you were raised in, or the culture you belong to, and to ask yourself if there is anything that you have learned which is not working for you anymore.
What I am describing is not to change, it is more to come back home. The wisdom of who you are resides within you. You can access your essence, the source of Love, whenever you want. It will only require to go for it, totally and unconditionally, without trying to understand how with your reasoning mind. Why don’t you set up a time to spend with yourself, to go home? It would be a good way to begin.
Live in your heart. Connect with the source of Love within yourself and you will feel one with the world around you. The suffering we all experience is based on disconnection and lack of Love for ourselves and our lives. You will experience unconditional Love when you live in your heart. Open your heart and Love!
"Your heart is where your inner light resides. It is part of every sacred journey to reconnect with
your inner light, step into your divinity, spread the light of love before you, return to
the essence of love, and inspire others to do the same"
Think of all the times you judge yourself, criticize yourself and blame yourself for all that is not working in your life, that you did wrong or that you didn’t do. Many times… it seems that we believe that the way we improve ourselves is by beating ourselves up. Going against ourselves without compassion. Acting like a controlling parent who pays more attention to the mistakes than to the successes.
We all have flaws, weaknesses and lacks. We’ve all made mistakes, errors, and nobody is not perfect. You need to assume that it is not necessary for you to do everything wonderfully and perfectly. Give yourself permission to be human. Take a deep breath and relax, don’t be tense all the time trying to avoid making a mistake. Focus more on what you have done well, value your strengths, pay attention to your achievements, even the small ones, and see your uniqueness.
The only thing you can do is to offer your best to the world, and when you don’t arrive to your standards of perfection, remember that you are human, that you will have more opportunities, that you will do it better next time. See every experience in life and any occasion, as opportunities to learn. Don’t consider anything as a failure or mistake.
You can forgive anything. You can forgive those who wrong you, betray you, disrespect you, or even abuse you. Once you understand that forgiving them doesn’t deny that the facts happened, and that you don’t condone the actions, that is only about letting events remain in the past, totally. Once you have forgiven, whatever happened belongs to the past and you live now in the present, where the events do not affect you at all.
You can overcome, by decision, what happened to you. You can free yourself of the suffering of remembering the events and reviving the emotions associated with them. It is a release to do that. You feel lighter and stronger, when you are not a victim of a past experience anymore. But let me ask you, can you forgive yourself? You, the one that in your mind is causing all the misery in your life, the guilty one, the person that made a so called `big mistake´ or failed.
The answer is: yes, you can, if you want to. You will do it because you Love yourself and you treat yourself with Love. You forgive yourself because you owe yourself some compassion and kindness, because you have a mindset where the present and the future you build every moment are more important than whatever experience you faced in the past, because you want to move on, because you are able to accept yourself as you are, with weaknesses and strengths, all of you. You forgive yourself because you want to.
The power of forgiveness is immense. You can transform your life if you just make a list of experiences you feel ready to forgive, to let go, to release and you do it. You don’t need anything else except your commitment to let it go from your system once and for all. Love will do the work. Unconditional Love for yourself is what changes your life and all it includes. Don’t carry unnecessary weight around. Release the past hurts, wounds, grudges, anger, resentment, and set yourself free. Then, open your heart and Love fully again.
"Forgive yourself. The supreme act of forgiveness is when you can
forgive yourself for all the wounds you’ve created in your own life.
Forgiveness is an act of self-love. When you forgive yourself,
self-acceptance begins and self-love grows"
Miguel Ángel Ruiz Macías
New, fresh, start, beginning! Each moment of every day offers you an opportunity to start a new life. A lot of people tend to think that January 1st, the beginning of the month, or next Monday, are perfect dates to take action and change their life, set up new goals, or decide to stop doing something they believe is not good for them. I suggest you don’t wait anymore. Whatever you want to do or change, now is the moment.
Don’t follow old strategies in order to transform your life. Find new ways and motivation inside yourself, improve your life because you deserve it. Do it for you! In order to change you invest energy on what you have decided you should do, or stop doing, from now on. Maybe it’s dealing with your weight, health issues, finances... all of these are just different objectives, but what you will experience while you try to live in a different way will be similar.
You want to do it, you start focusing on the new goal, inner motivation pushes you for the first days or weeks, and then, inadvertently, you lose the energy you started the process with. Life happens and you cannot find the time, you get caught up in something, you have more work than usual, you experience challenges at home... and your non-achieved goal, whatever it was, realistic or not, big or small, achievable or a pipe-dream, goes to the list of things that you tried but didn’t happen.
Now you have a new problem: you feel that you have failed yourself. You haven’t solved what you wanted or you haven’t achieved your goal, your life is still the same, nothing has changed. In this moment of realization, lots of feelings can appear, like frustration, anger, sadness… but you need to be kind and compassionate with yourself and apply a little bit of self-forgiveness.
You did what you could. You have your list of good reasons why you couldn’t do it: a lack of energy, it wasn’t the right moment to initiate the change… it doesn’t matter what happened. Let it go! You tried, and it is the important. Doing your best is enough but, if you decide to focus on the same goal again, you should find a new way to achieve it. Think differently, open yourself to new ideas or methods.
Ask yourself practical questions. Can you find help from experts in the field, maybe through books, videos, podcasts, classes, or online learning? Can you plan differently? Should you hire a coach who will take you by the hand and accompany you throughout your process? Do you need someone who will keep you accountable? Can you learn how to be more persistent and not give up? How can you avoid getting distracted from your goal? Where can you find new tools to change more easily?
What you really need is a radical shift in perspective. Love yourself enough to choose a way of living that includes what is important for you. You can live worried about what is not working or lacking in your life, in a constant state of tension and stress, or... not. Learn how to dedicate yourself to what you desire. Take action today!
Real change comes from within, don't try to change only the external circumstances of your life. Start spending time in your own company, learn to be consciously present, know yourself better. Find a space within you where you can relax, where the outer world doesn’t affect you and you can be still, at peace, and charge batteries.
Do some inner work. Spend time with yourself and connect with who you are in essence, and immediately you will reconnect with the entire Universe, with whom you are one. Inspiration, new ideas, and the necessary energy to create a new life will arrive to you while you are in this state of being.
Use mindfulness, journaling, meditation, walking in nature, looking at the stars, or whatever works for you. What matters is not the technique or tool you use, but the understanding that beyond the one who thinks, acts, judges and worries, there is a much more powerful being that can flow with life.
Living in a state of flow is the secret of happiness. You cannot change reality, but you can flow with it. You can look at it differently, you can have a different understanding, or experience it in another way. This will transform you and your life radically. This is a new way of living.
"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change"
Barbara De Angelis
Can you accept yourself as you are? Be totally honest with yourself when you answer the question. Maybe you are not sure you can do it, or you don't know how. Unconditional acceptance is something you must practice every day because being you, authentically you, is the most important thing you can do to live happily.
You can simulate that you have a good relationship with yourself, that you accept your flaws, mistakes, that you forgive yourself for what you believe you did wrongly. But your soul will know if you, deep inside yourself, reject yourself, cannot accept yourself as you are and criticize yourself constantly.
Having a good relationship with yourself and becoming your best friend starts with the absolute need to accept yourself as you are, and also the life you are living. You cannot say that you Love yourself if you criticize everything that happens to you, don’t appreciate your life, relationships, environment, life circumstances…
In time you will see that the self-acceptance will allow you to transform this feeling into appreciation, and then into gratefulness, and together all of these will convert your life into something greater and happier. This way you will be able to release the pressure you put on yourself to improve yourself and your life, and you will be able to become content with yourself as you are.
You may have to do an effort to accept who you are unconditionally, to say aloud “this is me”, to present yourself as you are without any protection, without adapting yourself to others or the situation, without the fear of being rejected or criticized for your ideas, way of living or your acts; this may require courage and make you feel vulnerable. Let me tell you that to be you is simpler than you imagine, because when you accept yourself the world accepts you as well.
The inner conflict between who you are and the image you want to show in public, in your job, in front of your in-laws or friends, or to get a partner, takes a lot of energy from you. It puts you in a constant state of alert to protect yourself from any mistake you can make that allows others to see the real you, the one you unconsciously want to protect from the judgment of others. Your intimate relationship with yourself should be easy, smooth, allowing you to feel relaxed and at ease in any circumstance.
If you feel that there are things about yourself and your past that you cannot forgive, this is the perfect moment to let them go, to set yourself free from a thought, experience, or situation that holds you back and makes you suffer.
To accept yourself this way you will have to learn self-forgiveness, kindness and compassion towards yourself. Just give yourself the same Love you share with others, and you will create a new relationship with yourself, one where you can discover who you are, know yourself more deeply, accept yourself and fall in Love with yourself, with the real You.
"Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself"
It is important to have your own ideas. From time to time take a look at your way of thinking about life and see if there is anything you need to adjust, change, or let go of. It is incredibly useful to review one's belief system. You'd be surprised about how many ideas you hold that are not yours, maybe never were in the first place, or have been planted by others, media, or the culture you live in.
Nothing is true or false, good or bad, it depends on the interpretation you give to the fact or experience. Some people may think that the best possible day is a sunny day, and that's it. This is what I think, I don't like rainy days. But others, for example, farmers, or people who live in dry areas and haven't seen rain for a while, may think that the best possible thing is a rainy day. It all depends.
Religions, political parties, countries, parents and family members, schools, institutions… want to tell you that they know what is best, what the truth is, what you should think and how to act in consequence. But I invite you to learn to think for yourself. It is never late to do it, no matter how old you are.
Do your own research, don't accept any truth or description of facts. Go through life with the mind of a detective and a journalist simultaneously, and find your own explanation for the world, and how life should be lived.
Just because something has been done for decades or millennia does not mean it cannot be changed. The fact that millions of people think one way doesn't mean that many other millions cannot think in a different way. Your freedom of speech, of thought, of behavior, can only exist if you find out what your own opinion is, by yourself.
Still nowadays, if a product has in its pack “as seen on TV” it sells more. We hold opinions about what to appear on TV means, what to be famous means, what to have power means, what to have money means… What are your opinions, beliefs, thoughts, and ideas about life?
Since you were a child, you have been indoctrinated by many authority figures, you have learned from their lives and their experiences. Maybe it is time to release some limiting beliefs, fears, undeserving ideas, and those ways of thinking about yourself and your life that are holding you back. You can be free, free of a way of thinking that hurts you and doesn't support you.
I would like you to allow yourself to think that life can be wonderful and that you are unique. I wish you to see your own magnificence. I desire that you understand that your life has a purpose, and it is to be happier every day. I would like you to look at what you can do for yourself, that you lead your life instead of being a follower of others’ ideas. You matter, you can do it, and you will if you think you can. Let go of some unnecessary baggage and free your mind!
"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud"
You may believe you were born to do important things with your life. It is true. You have unlimited possibilities and it is never too late to create, learn, or do new things. But the most important reason why you were born was to live your life to the fullest, the only thing that only you can do. You are alive to become yourself, to be just you.
I am writing this blog on a plane that is taking me from Miami to New York, and I discovered myself making my to-do list of pending work and errands. Now all is written in the notes of my phone, technology has simplified my life. I can remember what I must do, I have a good memory and a real agenda on paper, but lists help me focus and prioritize. What I realized is that the most important things are not in my to-do lists.
Have you ever created a to-be list? If not, do it for fun. It is the most amazing contribution to your life that you can give yourself. After creating your to-be list don’t get sad or frustrated if you realize that you have forgotten your dreams, that you have self-sacrificed too much, that you haven’t loved enough, or that you are living a life that is not true to your values. These things happen to all of us human beings.
What do you want to be? Who do you want to become? Asking yourself these questions will help you create a true to-be list. I will share the two most important items on my to-be list to give you an example.
I want to be loving towards myself and others.
I want to be kind with everyone and everything.
I want to become more loving and kinder. I am, I should say, achieving it through my daily decisions, actions, and attitude towards myself and others.
It shouldn’t require more than five minutes to create a to-be list. Write 2 to 5 statements you want to live by. Don’t make it too long. Look at your list through the day. You can read the list slowly to feel and embody every aspect of it, or to remind yourself of your commitment.
Include in your list only the items you want to focus on. If it was a to-do list you would list those urgent matters or errands you must do first, not your goals for three or six months, or one year ahead. What you include in your to-be list should be the aspects you as a being would like to be living by right now. Do you want to be kind, empowering, trusting...? What do you really want?
Don’t avoid writing certain items in your to-be list because you have no idea how you will accomplish them. When your to-do list includes finding a dress or a suit for a wedding and you don't have any idea where to buy them, or what kind of dress or suit you need, you still list this errand because the wedding is in 10 days. Then you start a process of research, and I can promise you that you will be helped if you ask for help, and voilà, the dress or suit finds you.
The same will happen with your to-be list. A book, a coach, a teleseminar, an email, a workshop, a conversation, in meditation, an aha moment going back home... you will receive guidance that will help you be who you want to be. Stay focused, use your list wisely. Become yourself now.
"The essential lesson I have learned in life is to just be yourself. Treasure the magnificent being that you are and recognize first and foremost you are not here as a human being only.
You are a spiritual being having a human experience"
Life can be hard at times, unwanted events may happen to you, you may experience difficulties in your relationships and with loved ones, health or financial challenges may appear unexpectedly. These events are what we call life.
But they will be memories one day. Memories of how many difficult situations you overcame, of how powerful and resourceful you were, of how successful in going through challenging times you were, of how good things can be found in so-called bad things.
You have lived through a lot of difficult moments, I know. I have, too. You have scars. They have healed, but you have not forgotten the events, the feelings, the facts, the battles you fought. But you should.
Memories are just that, recollections of the moments, of things that don’t belong to your present, to the moment of now, where you have an opportunity to build new and better memories. What if you could look at your past in a different way?
I’ve had so many conversations with clients and people I met about their past. I’ve heard sad stories, difficult childhood moments, details of physical and emotional abuse, bad relationships, terrible divorces, trauma… and so much more. But what I have told everyone who has openened their heart to me is that it doesn't matter what you went through. You cannot change it, and it is for sure part of your story, of who you are, but it shouldn’t determine how you live today, because you are much more than your memories and experiences.
If you must hold onto a memory, it would be better to choose a happy moment, an uplifting one, a moment of achievement, of gratitude and appreciation, of shared Love, of laughter. Everything is stored in your mind, like a giant hard drive. Your mind is not very different from a computer, but it has something very powerful and important that your computer’s software does not include: Imagination!
You can build your life with the power to create from your imagination. There is no need to live in the past if you can live a reality that you can create. Believe me, it is possible. The only problem is that maybe you don’t know how to use it in your favor, yet.
Imagination needs your collaboration, your clarity, your focus, your intention, your elevated emotions, your fun, your engagement, your enjoyment. You need to Love the process of creation of your life and to stop living by the old programming that you (or someone else) installed in your mind’s computer.
What if the life you want exists in a pattern of possibilities called future? What if the future is not as far away as you imagine? What if your imagination is a much more powerful tool for creation than the memories of your past that keep you stuck? What if with a bit of guidance you, and only you, can create the memories of the future you want to live? Give it a try.
I know what you are thinking right now. I can even see your face while you read these lines. Yes, sure, Judith, it sounds like a good idea, but how do I do it? To start, write a list of all the good reasons you give to yourself to continue living the same way, your excuses for not changing what you don’t want in your life, or whatever doesn’t work, and your fears of failure, or of not being good enough. Take the list and make a conscious decision, a commitment with yourself, to overcome the written items, one by one. Do it right now!
I know what you are feeling and thinking because I went through it. Your mind can create powerful statements such as: it is not for me (this means “I don’t deserve it”), it is too late, (“I am too old to change”), this will change (“time solves everything”), I will do it (“tomorrow always seems a better day to start”), this is the life I have (“I don’t have the need to change”), this is what I can do (“I don’t have power”), I don’t have a choice and I have to keep going (“I am very responsible and I need to sacrifice myself and my life”), I don’t know what I want (“I prefer not to think about these things”)…
When you make your own list, you will see that all the sentences you say to yourself can be grouped in some categories: fear of the unknown, lack of Love for yourself, or procrastination and self-sabotage. Just answer yourself one question: until when are you going to live in the world of past memories and experiences? Maybe is time for a new present and future, don’t you think? Take action.
"To design the future effectively, you must first let go of your past"
Charles J. Givens
We have had lots of life experiences that we have not wanted to accept. Loses, so called `mistakes’, break ups, unforgivable events, abuse, arguments, disagreements, pain, and so much more. But they happened, they were real, and we cannot change them, but we can, at least, accept them. Acceptance will allow you to look to the future with more freedom. Stop looking only through the rear mirror, and look at the wonderful view in front of you, while you drive through the journey of your life.
There are people that think that to accept means to be weak, or that they cannot forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it. But in order to live your life in the present, this life that is real and happening for you at this exact moment, you must be here and now. You cannot be present if you only live in the past, in past experiences, in past feelings, in past grudges, in past resentment.
To let go, to release, or to forgive, are learnable skills. They are necessary for your survival. If you carry all these weight from the past, you will move slowly, with difficulties, and your life-journey will be much more unpleasant than if you walk through life weightless and free to enjoy every moment of it.
You need to accept the life you have in order to be able to create the life you want. What this means is that you can only create new circumstances, change, thrive, and become who you want to be, when you accept what is happening in your life now.
Doing it doesn’t have to generate guilt. You don’t have to blame yourself, to feel guilty. You don’t need to have a poor opinion of your choices, or to be a victim of the circumstances, or of your past. You only need to accept who you are, in a loving and compassionate way, offering yourself the understanding and kindness you would show a loved one.
Start planting the seeds of your new life and wonderful future. Nothing stops you from creating a life that contains what you want and deserve. Only you can sabotage your efforts, life is on your side. If you want something, you must become what you want. No Love can enter a closed heart. No abundance can arrive to those who feel they don’t deserve it. No health can be restored if we don’t pay attention to the needs of our body. Change starts with awareness and understanding and it happens with acceptance.
Live with acceptance and not for acceptance. We are subject to the opinions and expectations of those around us. We live our lives fulfilling roles. We want to be the best employees, managers, parents, children, partners, friends, or neighbors. We sometimes achieve our goal at a cost. We have internal expectations of what all of those roles imply, and in order to be that person that we want to be, to fulfill that role perfectly, to demonstrate our Love to others and to be accepted by them, we stop loving ourselves in the process.
What we need to have a happier life is self-acceptance, not the acceptance of others. They are not walking through life wearing our shoes. No matter how much they know us, they cannot live our lives for us. You can create a new life: a life of pleasure, of abundance, of happiness and fun. We live our life overworked, in busyness, and without time to reflect, take care of ourselves, or make the best decisions. Nowadays all happens fast, and we may feel stressed and tired. Just pause, appreciate your life, and take some time to accept.
"When you invoke the agent of change called acceptance, you must accept all that you are,
all that you've been, and all that you will be in the future"
When you relate to others, be sure that you build a relationship that is authentic, no matter if it is with your life-partner, a colleague, a friend, or your children. See the other person as they are, and accept them completely, all of them. Don’t try to change, fix, or tell the other person how they must be to meet your standards.
To have a relationship means to support the other person, to empower them, to be there for them, but also to respect the other person and their decisions, even when you don’t like them. How difficult is to see that someone you Love deeply is stuck, confused, unhappy, or is not making the best decision (in your opinion). It can be hard to support them until they find a way out, a solution, or a new and better path in life. We frequently give unasked advice to others, with our best intentions, and it might not help the other person to move forward or to feel better.
In order to relate authentically with others, you should know who you are. You see the world through your own eyes, and you decode what happens to you influenced by past experiences, your belief system, your childhood, education, and the environment you live in. When you look at someone else, try to be neutral. You may inadvertently judge others, or project into them what you have not solved in your life, haven’t overcome or understood yet, or everything you are not conscious of, because it is suppressed or repressed. We blame others for making us feel a certain way, when they are giving us an opportunity to resolve underlying issues and unconscious patterns, and to heal past wounds that still affect us in the present.
We create relationships that are based on the ideas that we have about what our connection with a person should look like. Maybe we don’t know the real ‘person,’ not because they don’t allow us to do so, but because we don’t see who they really are. Sometimes, we idealize someone and, after the honeymoon period, once we see how the other person really is, we reject them. The other person has not changed, they were always the same. What has changed is only our opinion, and we realize that we were relating to this person through the filter of our own ideas about how the relationship should be.
If you want to really know someone, take your time to be with this person and build the connection; invest in it. Listen to what they say, and look at the way they act. Their behavior may speak louder than their words. When you are together, be one hundred percent present and give this person all your attention. You will perceive a lot more than mere words in a conversation. When you listen, don’t listen to answer, just listen deeply and actively. Make an effort to respond, not to react to what is said. Choose your words carefully and think if what you are going to say just fills the silence, or if it is really meaningful, uplifting, and necessary.
We learn a lot in our relationships. We become better beings in relation to others. We change the lives of those whom we Love. We are transformed by the Love we give and receive. Every relationship should bring out the best of each person (hopefully!), and if this is not the case, it might be teaching you something.
If a relationship you are in is not working, don't only blame the other person, always look at yourself too, and figure out what can you do on your end to improve it, even if it is just to be more loving. Look at what you bring to every one of your relationships, and try to be at your best in every encounter or conversation. Don’t ask for Love, shared it, give it freely and it will return to you multiplied.
"But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between
you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a
moving sea between the shores of your souls"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.