Every experience you have during your day is an opportunity to choose Love. How you decide to act in every moment matters. Don’t look at the big occasions; look at the small moments in your life when you react in anger, or lose your temper, when someone says or does something that triggers an instant reaction within you. When you find yourself in one of these moments, ask yourself: why am I reacting this way now?
The answer might be that you are taking what the other person is saying or doing personally. But what people do is because of themselves, not because of you. Their acts or interactions with you show who they are and what they think, and have nothing to do with who you are. But throughout your life, you may have learned to take things personally and interpret the interactions with others as “things people do to me.” But they don’t really do anything to you, they do it to themselves.
The other day I had an uncomfortable interaction with the person at the security desk in my building. She told me something in a bad tone; she was rude. It was late, and I was tired. My answer to her was to question why I had to do what she was asking me to. I used the same bad tone she had used to talk to me. She triggered something within me. But none of that matters. I missed an opportunity to choose Love, to answer calmly and politely to her, in a loving way. I forgot that her behavior was all about her, her bad mood, or maybe her way of being. It had nothing to do with me.
Don’t look at what others do; look at what you feel when others do something. Remember that nobody is able to make you think or feel anything; only you can. Then take the time to observe what you think and feel in that moment, and ask yourself: Why am I feeling this now? It may feel challenging to do at the moment when you are in the experience, but try anyway or do it later. Become aware of what is happening within you.
When you observe yourself and become aware of your reactions without blaming others, you discover valuable things about yourself, like patterns of thought and behavior. Maybe they have always been there, but you never saw them before. You may remember similar situations you lived in the past where you were triggered in the same way, or realize that the relationship with certain kinds of people has always been challenging for you.
When I asked myself why I reacted in my encounter with the security person, I noticed that it had something to do with my opinion about authority figures and the abuse of power. I also saw that I felt “less than” when she treated me in a way I considered disrespectful. It was not about her; it was about me and how I see the world and myself. She touched many things within me. But they are not reasons for not choosing peace, Love, and harmony no matter what her way of being was.
Love is a state of being, not something you decide to share with some people and not with others. You are Love, and you can show it everywhere you go, at the supermarket, at work, in the post office, gym, or with your family and friends. Decide not to take things personally; do it because you Love yourself. Allow others to make their own choices. It is not your task to judge them.
If you want more Love in the world, start bringing more Love into your life and those around you. Don’t ask others to be loving. Bring the Love yourself. You can say what you want to say, declare what you consider unacceptable, or set up boundaries. But do it without answering aggression with aggression, anger with anger, and unkindness with unkindness.
The world we live in can be transformed if you decide to transform yourself. We are always waiting for things to change, but you are the change agent. In every moment of your life, you have a choice; always choose Love. The kind of Love that includes peace, kindness, harmony, balance, awareness, understanding, patience, and forgiveness. Choose Love in action.
"The people who inspire me most are those who are willing to see the world from a loving perspective. People who perceive obstacles as opportunities and problems as
spiritual assignments. People who choose Love"
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Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.