We all have experienced traumatic events in our lives. Not only do big things happen, like a sudden loss, illness, or a breakup. Sometimes difficulties can come in little pieces that, by accumulation, make us feel overwhelmed, out of balance, and unable to connect with joy. Constant pressure at work, problems in relationships, financial stress, physical pain… who is not living at least one of these situations or something similar?
When it seems that it is too painful to feel what is happening in our lives, we want to make it disappear. We often tell everyone we are all right, but we feel miserable and carry on with our lives the best way we can. We try to avoid facing all we don’t want to feel because we believe the problem is too big. We run away from the fear, heartache, or pain, we intensely feel. But it is stored in our minds and bodies, and reappears from time to time.
There are strategies to go through these periods when things feel like more than we can face. Observe yourself and see if you are using any escape mechanism or are distracting yourself, to avoid facing the life situations you have in front of you. Is it working? What will help you resolve your problems, in the long run, is connecting with your body and the pain it stores, and investigating the story you have in your mind about these events. Approach it, even if it is little by little. And then allow all of it to be released.
Maybe you have been controlling the pain for many years, trying to be sure it doesn’t reappear on the surface of your life. Perhaps you locked it away a long time ago in a safety box and thought you would never have to see it again. But whatever is affecting you, even if it is very old pain, will not disappear because you ignore it; just the opposite. The more you ignore it, the harder it will try to get to you. Love yourself enough to help yourself to heal.
Soothe yourself, be kind and understanding towards yourself, and nurture yourself, if you want to support yourself in your healing. But what happens when our lives don’t go as we want or we face serious problems? We tell ourselves: it is my fault. Doing that adds pain to what we are already experiencing. We dislike who we are or our life, because we blame ourselves for not knowing how to resolve the situation we are in. Now we have two problems: the inner sense of shame, guilt, or frustration, plus the pain we are experiencing.
Become aware of what is happening to you. Do it, but don’t inflict more pain on yourself. To resolve any challenge in life, the first step is to add more Love to the situation. Love includes the acceptance of whatever is happening, the time to process it, the releasing, the forgiveness, the treating yourself with care, the asking for help if it is necessary. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be your own friend, not your enemy. There is no problem big enough that it cannot be solved with more Love towards yourself and your life. Love is a great cure for situations of all kinds.
Help yourself to go through tough times. Healing is a process. We all have thorns stuck in our hearts, hurts, and disappointments. Love is a powerful force and your ally in facing pain. Whatever you want to change in your life, it can be transformed. But the solution to face the pain you are looking for is not out there, but inside yourself.
The more you trust your goodness and innate power and connect with them, the faster you will be able to resolve what you are facing and move forward. You cannot make the events that happened to you disappear, but you can give yourself the opportunity to use them to transform yourself and become more resilient and stronger. Remember that, like the Phoenix Bird, you have within you the power of regeneration and wherewithal to heal and be new again.
”To heal is to touch with love that which we previously touched with fear”
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.