Many people sabotage their lives by doubting themselves because they fear making mistakes. Me included! I understand your fear of taking risks or worrying about the idea that something can go wrong unexpectedly. Maybe you don’t believe in yourself because of something that happened to you in the past.
It is you who made that decision and ended up in trouble, made that mistake that complicated your life enormously, or the one who said or did something that created great pain. You feel guilty or maybe ashamed. You blame yourself. You look backward and punish yourself for not doing things differently. It is totally unfair! You can judge yourself all you want, but sadness is the only thing you will get out of it.
It is the moment to accept whatever happened, give yourself permission to be human and err, and decide to move forward. It is easy to stop believing in yourself when you have accumulated bad experiences. You can be your own worst enemy and plant the seed of self-doubt. You will suffer the consequences when that plant grows within you with solid roots. You will second-guess yourself and all your decisions. You will follow others’ opinions instead of relying on yourself and your judgment. You will look for external approval. There is wisdom within you, and it is more powerful than you imagine. This is the reason why you need to believe in yourself.
You can keep looking at what went wrong or what you didn’t do well. It is your choice to do so. But I suggest that you look ahead and start believing in yourself instead. It takes the same energy from you to believe in yourself than to doubt yourself. Changing the opinion you have about yourself is a matter of focusing on different things. If you want to see how strong, resourceful, resilient, and wise you are, you will find lots of proof of that in your experiences. But if you decide instead that you are incapable, you don’t have talent, you are less than others, or you are not good enough, I am sure you can justify that, too.
If it was you who made those wrong decisions that you consider mistakes, it is also you who can transform your life by doing things differently, learning, getting better, or choosing another way of living. Your intention is the key element to creating a different life. It is necessary that you accept your past and make peace with it. You can add forgiveness to your life to liberate yourself from the past. Understand that the past should remain in the past. You build your new life from here, in the present.
How do you start believing in yourself? Through Love. A Love for yourself that is so intense that it allows you to let go of any negative ideas about yourself. Remember that loving yourself is a choice. It is not something that simply happens. It requires action. You can bring it into your life, and you can cultivate it. This Love for yourself is your power, which will take you wherever you want.
Your confidence doesn’t come from being perfect and having everything under control but from a connection with your inner wisdom and the Source. Divine guidance, inspiration, and intuition are all available for you. You can be helped, guided, and supported. First, you need to believe in yourself, and then the certainty you seek will appear. Not the other way around. Trust yourself and the Universe. You are one of a kind. See your brilliance, and this will be the power that will sustain your belief in yourself.
"Encourage yourself, believe in yourself, and Love yourself.
Never doubt who you are"
You are never alone, you are always supported. Those who feel confident don’t feel that way because they know everything, or because they are perfectly prepared. They do it because they are able to trust, they trust themselves and the Universe. They are people that know that confidence comes from not being afraid to try even if you fail, that you can act even when you are afraid, that life presents opportunities and not only challenges. They know that they are always guided.
Some people intuitively know that they have to take the first step and that the rest will follow. They may not know how or when, but they trust. How easy it is to trust when things go well, when you feel safe, and when your life works. But, what about when you face a big challenge? Can you trust, then? And more importantly, how do you trust?
Trust is like intuition, in a certain way. When you trust you get information from you know not where, but that feels right. Trust is like an inner voice that supports and encourages you to keep moving forward with your life and says “things will work out for you.” To be able to trust and follow the guidance you need some peace of mind, silence, and stillness. Be focused and pay attention.
Self-doubt will attack you when trust is not totally there. You want proof, you look for security, and you don’t like to make decisions when all is uncertain. You want to have things under control. But there are moments in life when you can only trust. It requires practice, but trust is something you can learn and develop. It is important to discover how to trust yourself and stop sabotaging your life.
What can you do when the enemy of trust shows up? Know that the inner critic, who plays in your mind with all these negative thoughts when you feel in danger or not confident, can be trained to be more supportive. It will require to become aware of your thoughts, and to consciously develop better, more supportive, happier thoughts. You are the owner of your thoughts, and you can choose them.
You will become more self-confident if you accept the idea that you have the power to change anything you want in your life because you are not a victim of your present circumstances. You may be going through a difficult moment, but this is not who you are. The power of letting go of the past, self-criticism, and blame, and the healing energy of forgiveness, are your allies. Let us trust. What a relief!
"With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's ability,
one can build a better world"
Stay present and keep going no matter what. We tend to invest too much time of our lives looking at the past to see what could have gone wrong and how we could have done things differently, or to the future, daydreaming or worrying about a future that we are building.
Don’t stop yourself by thinking too much. Just do what you want to at the moment. Follow the energy where it takes you. Be aware of what is your desired destination, but give up the idea that there is only one way to get there. Things can be different than you imagine. You may have to take a detour.
Let go of the need to control your life, and learn to be in the moment. You are resourceful, you are more powerful than you imagine, and you don’t need to have everything ready before you start. A good idea of where you are going, of what you desire, and all your intention to get somewhere, are good enough to activate the necessary energy to have your desires fulfilled.
When we are in the process of doing something, sometimes we don’t see the progress we make day by day. If you feel stuck and impatient, look at your life and I am sure you will find something to celebrate, that you have accomplished, that makes you feel closer and able to reach your goal, dream, or desire.
Remember that the important thing is the journey, not the destination. Focus on enjoying every moment of the trip, without judging it. Don’t fight with life, accept it as it is. Nothing remains the same, there are infinite possibilities available to you. You can make changes, you can live in a different way, and it will happen if you continue on your way no matter what.
Believe in yourself. Don’t allow others, or yourself, to sabotage your life and intentions. Keep them for yourself if necessary. Don’t look outside of yourself to find approval and validation, or compare yourself with others. Focus on your resources, and you will find your gifts and talents, the ones you will have to use for the journey of life.
Persist, insist, resist if necessary. Life can be tough at times, but you will get where you want if you keep trying. Ask for guidance, talk to those who may help you, open your heart to receive support and resources. Live your life with freedom and happiness in your heart. You may not have the life you want yet, but you have a life to live and to enjoy.
Self-judgment can be a pattern. Something you do without realizing it. Be aware if it happens, and transform it into self-appreciation. You are good enough. You can do it and you will. You may not know the way, but it will be clear to you at a certain point of the path.
Perhaps what you want won’t happen in the timing you expect, but within a divine timing. But never give up on your dreams. They are only yours, and they are there to inspire you, and to take you to the next step in your life. Every baby step counts. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
"As long as you keep going, you will keep getting better. And as you get
better, you gain more confidence. That alone is success"
Self-confidence does not depend on your success, it is more of an attitude towards life. When you feel confident, you don’t feel invincible because you are superman or superwoman; your confidence comes from an inner feeling that no matter how life turns out or what happens to you, everything will be ok because you will find a way to overcome any obstacle in your life.
It can be hard to have confidence in yourself when things are not working the way you want, and life becomes challenging. I know because I stopped believing in myself during a long period of my life, not finding the energy to move from a victim mode and depression to a state of mind where I could see opportunities and solutions that I could apply into my life. But this is the past and it is not happening anymore because I am not afraid of living and I don’t need to control every aspect of my life. I feel safe. I feel alive.
Now I know that I am always supported and that, whatever comes my way is there because I can handle it. I have the power to do it. Now I know that someone has my back, the Universe. I have understood that guidance is always there for me. That help comes when I ask for it, from wherever it has to arrive and in any possible form and that I am never alone.
Life shouldn’t be hard. No matter what is going on, a devastating illness, losing your job, financial difficulties, problems in your relationships… You may be sad or in pain, but you can find a way to go through it while avoiding the extra suffering. Self-confidence brings more balance and peace into your life. It has power, the power to accomplish, to overcome, to decide, to become, to succeed, the power of loving yourself.
You should be confident not only when all is great and life smiles at you. You need self-confidence the most when you cannot look at yourself and be proud of yourself or of your choices. Don’t blame yourself, don’t judge yourself, and don’t feel self-pity.
Things are not working, you have problems, I understand, but you have a life to live. You have to get up and pull yourself together. You owe this to yourself. Step into your power and state your confidence. Tell yourself: “I can and I will. I don’t know how, but I will find a way”.
You are not your problems, circumstances, or difficulties. You are much more important that all of this. They are the scenario of your life and you are the actor or actress. You are the star in the play. You have abilities, you have gifts, and you have the power of Self-Love, to make everything happen.
The Universe is at your service to help, but you need to listen to the guidance. Stop and listen carefully because its voice whispers, it sends helpers your way, signs and synchronicities,and shows you the best path for you now. Be confident!
"I believe the process of going from confusion to understanding
is a precious, even emotional, experience that can be the
foundation of self-confidence"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.