I have realized that the primary cause of suffering is that we accumulate unresolved issues, rejected feelings, problems that we never overcame, misunderstandings with others, or pain from relationships that didn’t work out. We carry all of that with us. Most people don’t know how to let go, release or forgive; but these concepts allow us to live more freely and happily.
If you are able to observe, mindfully, every one of your feelings when they appear, accepting them, by mindful observation, you will be in touch with what you feel. Just breathe and feel what you feel. You are not your fear, sadness, or despair. But the feeling takes you over and makes you feel one with it. But understand that its message has to be loud, or you won’t pay attention. When fear, anger, or anxiety appear, don’t fight them. Instead, say, hello fear! Or hello, anger! Why are you here?
If what we feel is unpleasant, we tend to reject the feeling. We want it to disappear; the sooner the better. We don’t take the time to feel it and be with it. If it lasts, we practice evasion. We run away from it, distracting ourselves with food, alcohol, watching TV, shopping, or getting busy in any other way. But the feeling won’t go away because it has not been felt. We just put it in a closet in our heart and try to forget that it is there, in stock.
But you can transform any feeling into something else. Get the message of the emotion, be with it, and take it to the next level. For example, when someone is mean to you, and you get angry because of it, you have two problems: the anger you received and the anger you feel now as a result. What if you take that anger and transform it into understanding about the person or situation?
Consider that maybe this person is full of anger that they don’t know how to release. What happened wasn’t personal. You just happened to be with that person when the anger hidden in the closet of their heart became too great and had to be released. Or maybe the person is in pain, sick, or very afraid, and they don’t know what to do with their feelings. Would you be more understanding if you knew the situation in their life that is causing the pain that created that state of anger? This way, you can transform anger into understanding.
Forgiveness is an unknown concept. Most people have the idea that in order to forgive you need to forget that certain events happened, accept the pain, and tell the person who hurt you ‘I forgive you’ because I am a good person and I shouldn’t hate you anymore. But this is not the forgiveness I am talking about. To forgive someone or something is to set yourself free from it. Since the moment you forgive yourself or others, you disconnect energetically from the event or situation. You have released it. It is that simple.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. It is only about you. It is not about forgiving an event or suffering created by another person. The event is just an experience. You survived it, and now it is part of your story. It only matters in the present moment if you decide that it does. When you forgive, you don’t forget or condone. You choose to live freely in the present moment where you can create the life you desire, not in the past, where those events happened.
Letting go of something that has been part of your identity for a long time can be scary. If I have been a victim because something terrible happened to me and I have lived in anger, pain, or sadness for years, I may not know who I will be without that anger or despair. Maybe you are thinking, “How can I be happy when this happened to me?” You can, because you choose to.
The most devastating situation, the loss of a loved one, an illness, abuse, betrayal, poverty… is just that, a situation that created certain feelings. And they can be transformed. You can heal yourself from all of it. Let them go. Only you can do it. Are you ready? If you want to work privately with me on releasing and forgiving, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
"In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past,
but you will find yourself"
When you ask someone the question “How are you?,” the person you are talking to will choose something in the line of “I am fine”, “All good”, “I am doing well”, but they won’t tell you what they really feel or how they are really doing at the moment, they will give you an answer that is not real.
Some people think that nobody is interested in their problems, challenges or their emotional or physical health. They don’t want to bother others with their burdens, or maybe they feel that nobody will really listen with interest.
Others want to keep what is not working in their lives private, and they always show a happy face to the world, even when they don’t feel happy. In this new era we post all good news in Social Media, but who do we tell the not so good news?
We feel that we have to be ok all the time, that we cannot be down, that we need to be resilient no matter what we are going through, a divorce, a transition, an illness, legal problems, financial stress, the loss of someone we love... and we don’t.
The fastest way, and the one that will allow you to go through life with less suffering in whatever circumstances you are going through, is not to hide what is happening, not to put it aside, not to deny it. It is to face it.
When you do, be kind and compassionate with yourself and accept the situation, whatever it is. Give yourself the necessary time to process what is going on, don’t jump to the end of the process that you will need to do in order to overcome the difficulty and bounce back.
Be authentically you, no matter what is going on, be honest with yourself. Analyze yourself and your feelings, try to understand where your thoughts come from and revise old belief systems to see if they are still serving you, see your patterns of behavior as allies to point you in the right direction to change.
Yes, change. Here we are again, this magic word that nobody wants to hear. Life is change. Today you are not the same person you were yesterday… even if you want to keep yourself stuck, it won’t be possible, life will kick your behind and make a move for you if you don’t. Your body changes, your cells renew, and you experience new situations, different life circumstances, interact with others, travel, read, learn, and expand your horizons.
You are here to evolve and grow. You can do it smartly, easily, with Love for yourself and your life, being grateful for the opportunity to be alive. Or you can continue hiding your problems, being unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and going around with a mask and telling yourself “I am fine”.
What are you going to answer the next time someone asks you how you are doing? I have a suggestion: why don’t you take a minute of your time to figure out how you really are. This time, answer yourself honestly, accept what is, without judgment.
Later on, you may want to spend some time brainstorming about what you can do to improve your life and circumstances. Or you can have a pity party before you decide to let go of what is not allowing you to move forward, to release it, to move on. You always have a choice. Today, choose to make yourself happy. Do one thing for you, small or big, take action and see the change.
"Your preparation for the real world is not in the answers you have learned,
but in the questions you have learned how to ask yourself"
Relationships may end, but Love is eternal. Love is the force that connects us with our loved ones through lifetimes. The bond between us may have changed, but the Love that we felt for each other will never disappear, and will always keep us connected. Every relationship that we establish has a purpose. It might be short or long. It doesn't matter. What is important is to recognize that from a soul perspective, we are in a relationship to learn how to Love and how to be loved, to grow, and to develop our potential.
The feeling of unpleasantness that we might feel when we are in a relationship of any kind, is an invitation to transform ourselves, to look deep inside and find out what is triggered in us. We don't need to change the other person or the relationship. What we need, is to pay attention to our reactions and emotions, and to figure out where they come from. We can heal ourselves by doing this. The healing will be done when we will be in the same situation again, but our buttons won't be pushed, and nothing will be triggered.
Relationships provide the opportunity to work on our soul's purpose in this incarnation. None of your relationships with lifetime partners, teachers, family members, colleagues, bosses, or even neighbors, are exempt of the creation of karma, or the understanding of it. Love is the force that helps us to go through it. We are on earth to experience our karma, learn our lessons, and to continue our evolution.
If two people have been married for 15 years and have evolved differently at a conscious level, from a soul perspective, one may be holding back the other in terms of growth. The relationship has lost its purpose, and the couple, eventually, will decide to separate or divorce. Their different vibration will make it happen.
By being in a relationship that has lost its purpose, both are losing the opportunity to be happy in the right relationship, denying themselves the opportunity to grow and change. We become attached to the life we have, we might be too afraid of losing someone or something that we have been building for years, or to break a family or a relationship. But our soul, deep inside of us, knows that it is time for a different relationship, for a different kind of Love.
Even Soul Mates cannot be together lifetime after lifetime. They need to evolve, even if it implies to part ways. Soul Mates have a bond of unconditional Love to support each other. They establish agreements before they reincarnate. But when one Soul Mate becomes too attached to the other, the other will perhaps leave the relationship, break up, or even die, to provide a lesson of detachment.
The pacts that we establish with other souls in the period between lives, before we reincarnate, may change while we live our life. One soul may be busy learning other lessons, or stuck, and then another soul will help us out. We are all interconnected. We establish relationships, and live experiences, that will help us understand karmic issues that we need to solve, how to grow and evolve, and how to provide the same opportunity to others. We have more than one Soul Mate and souls that belong to our soul family, who will be there to support us in anything we need, and to assure us that we are never alone.
"Karma shows itself in relationships. The people you meet, the expectations you have, the circumstances in which you relate, the kind of marriage or other association that you find yourself in, all reflect previous liaisons. You are the sum total of all your experiences, and much it will come about through relationships"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.