We tend to look at ourselves with critical eyes. When we want to change any aspect of our lives or ourselves, we do it from a perspective of not being good enough, obligation, pressure, or because we dislike ourselves. Often, we are judgmental and very strict with ourselves, trying to change things by working harder, sacrificing more, and suffering.
I propose a different plan. Look at yourself with a sense of appreciation. Recognize your value. Observe yourself through loving eyes. Look at what is happening inside you. Just look without judgment, and try to understand who you are, what you think and feel, why you do or don’t do things, or what makes you react. Discover yourself.
We judge reality as well. Pay attention to how many times per day you complain when reality doesn’t fit with the concept you have of it, or things don’t go the way you want. Observe what makes you feel frustration or sadness, what things take you out of balance or put you in a bad mood.
Look at all this material with curiosity and understanding. Don’t be hard on yourself for being where you are or what you consider mistakes, flaws, imperfections, or faults. Be there, totally, without complaining or judging the world around or inside you.
Let’s suppose that you are trying to help someone who is having health problems. You know that they can do more to get better, and you would like this person to take responsibility for their health, but it is not what is happening.
You are supportive, patient, caring, and loving, until a moment when, unexpectedly, you explode for a little thing. At that moment, you tell this person that they have to change their behavior and put more effort into healing, that you are not going to witness this anymore. You speak to this person with an angry tone and are very distant from the Love you feel for her. Something happened within you.
If you look at yourself, you will see what triggered you, why you reacted and created a scene, how much emotion you have accumulated, your fear of losing this person you Love in action, the need to express your feelings, the frustration and powerlessness you have been hiding, and more. If you observe what is going on within you, you will learn so much about yourself and how you go through life. That’s the important thing here. To understand yourself a bit more every day.
If you react, get angry and lose your temper, it is okay. You are human. You can forgive yourself, release whatever happened, apologize if you want to, or let it go and continue with your life. But pay attention, because I can assure you that a similar event will happen to you very soon. If you have learned from the last experience, things may unfold differently. If not, you may end up reacting the same way. Life will give you many opportunities to learn and practice.
Suspending the need to react will offer you time to observe yourself and choose your response. Observe your thoughts rising, your emotions in full action, you showing to yourself what you are experiencing at that exact moment. Why is this important? Because if you can see it, and it is not the experience you want to have, you can do something about it. Once you are aware, you can decide. You have the power to choose.
You can take a breath and observe yourself in any situation you experience. This will allow you to become a different you. You may not have control over the feelings you experience, but you can always choose how you respond to life and its events.
An instant reaction may be something you have learned, a pattern. You can change It with a little bit of awareness and practice. But only if you realize that you have the power to do it. Only if you observe with compassion and understanding what is happening within you, catch yourself when you react, and choose to be more loving, understanding, and patient with yourself and others.
"The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness"
Why is a magic question. Have you used it lately? Why you have the belief system you have? Why you do the work you do? Why are you facing these difficulties? Why are you in this relationship? Why you haven’t found the Love of your life? Why you are not experiencing wellbeing? Why you are not happier? I can go on and on. It is important to ask yourself questions.
Stop living your life on autopilot and be conscious of your choices, those things you try to ignore, or you don’t pay enough attention to. You may be stuck in a career, relationship, or health problem because you haven’t asked yourself why am I here? Once you start asking yourself, you have to be open to receiving the answers. Be honest with yourself and listen. Sometimes we don’t dig deep enough because knowing more will force us to make changes in our lives.
There is a cost of opportunity to not changing anything. It is stagnation. Life itself is change, letting go, embracing the new. You shouldn’t stop yourself, put limits to what you can accomplish, or postpone your happiness. Are you scared of finding out the reason why you are stuck in certain situations or patterns, why some of your life circumstances never change?
Perhaps this is the reason you just keep doing the same again and again. You are too busy to question yourself, to stop and think, to breathe and listen to your inner voice. You think that there is not enough time to make changes, you tell yourself that your life is ok, or that you cannot ask for more. Maybe you are too tired, or you feel that there is a lack of opportunities. As a result, you don’t take any action.
What if all could change for the better? Would you be willing to change to achieve more wellbeing, abundance, Love and happiness? This is what is waiting for you around the corner. Start believing in yourself and in your capabilities of creating a wonderful life for you and those around you.
Focus on what matters: being. Find the time and the energy to take baby steps towards the existence you want. Ask yourself, how do I start? And allow the information to flow. You will be guided. Rely on it, and see it happening.
When you live a life you don’t like you will experience an inner conflict that can manifest itself as lack of energy, sadness, no zest in life, poor health, financial difficulties, or relationships that don’t work. These are signs, clear ones, that there is something you are doing that is not in working for your benefit. Be grateful for your life and then observe yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, your attitude, your beliefs, your desires… and your whys.
Review your life, with lots of Love and compassion, without being judgmental. You have to give yourself permission to create a new you. You don’t really need to change; you only have to become yourself. Let go of what doesn’t allow you to shine properly. Discard what holds you back. Be brave enough to release the past and to live in the present moment. Allow yourself to receive what you desire.
Try not to criticize yourself in the process. Explore your life and choices with kindness. Remember that there are no mistakes or wrong choices, just decisions made in the past. You have never lost your time, you just have learned from whatever you experienced.
Forgive yourself for being stuck in situations. Don’t become a victim of your circumstances. Don’t blame bad luck or others. Accept yourself, your life, and move on. Your life starts anew in this exact moment. Only if you want it to. You deserve to be happier. You deserve a life full of joy. You can have it all. Why? Because you are amazing!
"Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have or do"
When you feel confused, uncertain, or stuck, don’t try to fix the external circumstances of your life, just look inside. The solution to everything you experience is within you. A change or perspective, a different approach to life, another attitude towards the same events, may be necessary to create a shift.
A change of consciousness is what the crisis you are experiencing is asking of you. It does not matter if your life is falling apart because of financial stress, health issues, a divorce, problems in your job, or something else. A change is required, and only you can do it. The clue to overcoming the challenge is hiding inside of you.
We tend to think that when we solve the issue, whatever is it, all will be well. If I get the job or the promotion I will be happy, if I receive the money I will be financially stable and be able to pay my debt, if I lose some weight I will find the partner I deserve... That’s not true. You will be in a better situation if you work towards your goals, but the reason why you don’t have the partner, the money, or the job, is because you don’t think that you can have it.
And let me tell you a little, but important secret, on how the Universe works: you cannot receive what you don’t have. All of us struggle in a certain area of our lives, or maybe in more than one. We can be successful professionals but our Love life is a disaster, or we might be so healthy but feel that we lack energy, passion, and purpose in our lives. We try harder to overcome whatever block might be stopping us from getting what we want, when the way to get what you really desire is to believe that you deserve it.
I will give you an example. You have to cultivate the qualities that you want to have in your life. If you want more peace, be more peaceful. If you want more Love, be more loving, if you want more abundance, feel abundant and grateful. We don’t realize that we close the doors to receiving, that we ask and we cancel the order right after we place it. We sabotage our own efforts to improve our lives and we do it so automatically, as a habit.
Lots of people procrastinate their happiness until a time when the world around them will match their expectations. Know that the easy way to create a life of fulfillment and purpose, a life that makes you jump out of bed every day, it to start being happy right here and right now.
If you accept your life situation, and see the blessings you have, you will create a platform from where you can build a foundation for the life you dream of and deserve. Look inside and see who you are in essence, a beautiful being, full of Love and joy and willing to share it.
"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self"
A way to Love yourself more is to have self-awareness, to understand who you are. It is difficult to Love someone that you don't know. What do you really know about yourself? Maybe not so much. You have an image about yourself that you present to the world, you have certain beliefs about who you are, and you know facts of your life, your story and memories but, who you are really?
You can know more about yourself in so many different ways. You can ask your loved ones what your best qualities are, do an assessment, ask an astrologer to do the interpretation of your birth chart, you can learn to interpret your dreams (which contain important information for you), you can register in a class of self-development, meditate, journal, do inner work of any kind... there are so many different ways to gain self-awareness, and all of them require that you become interested in knowing who is behind your body and mind.
Invest time in yourself to discovering more about you. Look at yourself with new eyes. Find out and appreciate all the good attributes you have. Find out what your gifts are. See what you like about yourself. Reconnect with what makes you feel passionate. You are not defined by your achievements, your success, or the roles that you play in life. You are much more than you think you are. There is so much to discover about yourself. To get to know you, you will have to spend time with yourself.
Do you need more ideas to discover yourself? Try new things and see what your reactions are. Test yourself. Do something you are afraid of. Try something you believe you cannot do. Experiment. Do things in a different way. Try new kinds of foods. Practice a sport that you have never practiced before. Do an activity you have never tried. Register in a class to learn something. Push your boundaries. Explore new avenues. Go to different places. Expand your horizons. Talk with someone you don't know. It does not matter what you do, what is important is that you do something different, new, or unknown, and you will see a new you emerging.
Everything you try will provide you with new information about yourself. You will enrich yourself with different experiences. Maybe you will change the limiting beliefs that you have about what you can or cannot do. You will go out of your comfort zone. You will meet new people and with them, new ways of being. Your life and surroundings will change, and you will change too. You will gain confidence and be more open minded, or maybe less judgmental with yourself. You will have fun and enjoy life. You will spend 24 hours a day with yourself for the rest of your life, so it would be a good idea to know yourself better and to have a wonderful relationship with yourself, don't you think?
"There is more to all of us than we realize. Life is so much bigger, grander, higher, and wider than we allow ourselves to think. We are capable of so much more than we allow ourselves to believe"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.