We all want to be loved and appreciated for who we are. We wish to establish relationships that are easy and bring amazing Love and happiness to our lives. But many times, we have problems in our relationships, and we suffer. Love becomes a complicated matter. How can we learn to Love better? By loving. Loving more and more.
Love starts within yourself. The greatest Love of all, is the Love you have for yourself. The more Self-Love you cultivate, the more Love you will generate and can share with others. When you are in a relationship, you share the Love that you already have. Love is not an exchange: you give me your Love, and I give you mine. It becomes something greater when you don’t put limits or conditions on your Love, and you Love freely and abundantly.
Love Yourself to avoid complications in relationships. When problems arise, it may seem difficult not to take things personally in your relationships. But the way the other person acts only demonstrates who they are, not the amount of Love of which you are worthy. It is easy to interpret what others do to you and the pain you receive as: “I don’t deserve their Love,” “There is something wrong with me,” or “I am not good enough to be loved.” The more you Love yourself, the better you will avoid relationships where there is conflict and power struggles, judgments, the need to control, or drama.
Love brings out the best in yourself. When you establish a relationship of any kind, remember that one of the purposes of relationships is that we are together to grow together. There are relationships that bring out the best of who you are. Just because you are with that person, you become a better you. These are the ones you should cultivate. You don’t have to share the same opinions about everything, but you need to respect the other person and give them enough room to grow. Look for what unites you, and don’t focus on your differences and what separates you.
Love is not about solving someone else’s life. When you Love someone, you may feel the temptation of helping the other person “too much,” trying to fix their problems, saving them from their challenges, or sacrificing yourself for their wellbeing. When you do that, you are not really loving the other person; you may be controlling them. You take away their opportunities to change, grow and learn in their own way, or make their decisions.
To be real, Love has to be free. It cannot be managed or strategized. It has to flow. Pay attention to yourself to discover patterns of thought or behavior that you may not have realized. For example, when you fear being abandoned, this fear can be triggered unexpectedly. If you are afraid of losing Love, you may change your behavior to be sure you please the other person and that the relationship continues. What you don’t realize is that you stop being yourself. You disappear and give your power away to be sure the other person stays in the relationship, because to receive their Love is more important than yourself. You are not free anymore; you are attached to a Love you don’t want to lose.
Love is a decision you make daily. It is not a passing feeling. It is a state of being. You decide to Love. You can Love others in spite of who they are because it is your decision. You decide with whom you share your Love. You can Love the entire Universe and everything on it, including its oceans, trees, and animals, or just your loved ones. It is up to you. The more Love you share, the more you will receive. It multiplies. The Love you give will always return to you. Love is always within YOU.
"We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess,
it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs
and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love"
Thich Nhat Hanh
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.