Many people sabotage their lives by doubting themselves because they fear making mistakes. Me included! I understand your fear of taking risks or worrying about the idea that something can go wrong unexpectedly. Maybe you don’t believe in yourself because of something that happened to you in the past.
It is you who made that decision and ended up in trouble, made that mistake that complicated your life enormously, or the one who said or did something that created great pain. You feel guilty or maybe ashamed. You blame yourself. You look backward and punish yourself for not doing things differently. It is totally unfair! You can judge yourself all you want, but sadness is the only thing you will get out of it.
It is the moment to accept whatever happened, give yourself permission to be human and err, and decide to move forward. It is easy to stop believing in yourself when you have accumulated bad experiences. You can be your own worst enemy and plant the seed of self-doubt. You will suffer the consequences when that plant grows within you with solid roots. You will second-guess yourself and all your decisions. You will follow others’ opinions instead of relying on yourself and your judgment. You will look for external approval. There is wisdom within you, and it is more powerful than you imagine. This is the reason why you need to believe in yourself.
You can keep looking at what went wrong or what you didn’t do well. It is your choice to do so. But I suggest that you look ahead and start believing in yourself instead. It takes the same energy from you to believe in yourself than to doubt yourself. Changing the opinion you have about yourself is a matter of focusing on different things. If you want to see how strong, resourceful, resilient, and wise you are, you will find lots of proof of that in your experiences. But if you decide instead that you are incapable, you don’t have talent, you are less than others, or you are not good enough, I am sure you can justify that, too.
If it was you who made those wrong decisions that you consider mistakes, it is also you who can transform your life by doing things differently, learning, getting better, or choosing another way of living. Your intention is the key element to creating a different life. It is necessary that you accept your past and make peace with it. You can add forgiveness to your life to liberate yourself from the past. Understand that the past should remain in the past. You build your new life from here, in the present.
How do you start believing in yourself? Through Love. A Love for yourself that is so intense that it allows you to let go of any negative ideas about yourself. Remember that loving yourself is a choice. It is not something that simply happens. It requires action. You can bring it into your life, and you can cultivate it. This Love for yourself is your power, which will take you wherever you want.
Your confidence doesn’t come from being perfect and having everything under control but from a connection with your inner wisdom and the Source. Divine guidance, inspiration, and intuition are all available for you. You can be helped, guided, and supported. First, you need to believe in yourself, and then the certainty you seek will appear. Not the other way around. Trust yourself and the Universe. You are one of a kind. See your brilliance, and this will be the power that will sustain your belief in yourself.
"Encourage yourself, believe in yourself, and Love yourself.
Never doubt who you are"
I have felt powerless, and I held myself back on numerous occasions. I believe we all do at certain times in our lives. When an important decision has to be made, or life throws a big challenge at us, we can feel overwhelmed and afraid and decide, consciously or not, that we cannot face it, that we are not ready, or not capable, or that we won’t survive.
See yourself in front of a serious illness diagnosis, on the brink of divorce without financial means, or wanting to leave a job you hate but that gives you the security and salary you desire. What do we do in these situations? I don’t know about you, but I take a lot of time to make decisions, especially the big ones. I have stayed in relationships where I didn’t belong anymore for too long. I have taken so much time to change my life because I wasn’t feeling powerful enough. Has this happened to you, too?
Why do we do that? Why do we wait to create change, knowing intuitively that there is something better out there waiting for us? Once you have gone through the process and survived, you may look backward and ask yourself, why didn’t you change this before? But at the moment, to face that challenge felt like the end of your life and the world you knew.
There is an opportunity cost to remaining in the same situation and not embracing the power you have to change your life. But we freeze and get paralyzed due to fear, lack of resources, or the overwhelming feeling that we are not good enough to do it, whatever it means in the context of our life. The challenge can be something like standing in your power and leaving a relationship or getting divorced, finding a fulfilling job for you, or looking for a different solution to take care of yourself or a chronic illness.
We freeze because it is what we have learned to do as a survival mechanism. Under stress, we tend to fight with the stressor or run away from it. Let’s say that stress is, for example, financial problems, the modern version of the lion chasing us in the savannah. What happens when you think and feel that you cannot fight because you don’t know how, you don’t have the necessary resources, and you cannot run away from it because it is evident the problem won’t go away just because you don’t want to face it?
Your nervous system is paralyzed and enters survival mode. You may stop breathing normally because you want to hide, thinking that if you make yourself small or disappear, the monster going after you, the lion, the financial problems, may not find you. But time passes, and the situation gets aggravated or remains constant. A person under constant stress that is not released suffers, which creates unhappiness, more lack of power, and maybe a chronic physical condition in the body.
I invite you to embrace your power as a solution to the challenges you face in any area of your life. You can do it, and you will. You may not know how, but you must trust yourself and ask for help from mortals, gods, or the Universe. Your power resides in the connection with yourself, the divine, and all that exists. Because no matter how powerless you may feel, you are powerful beyond measure.
”Everyone has inside them a piece of good news. The good news is you don't know how great you can be! How much you can Love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!”
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.