Being with yourself means spending time in your own company. It is becoming aware of what is happening within yourself, internally, and not only around yourself. You have a world inside that you may not have discovered yet. If you pay attention, you will distinguish more than thoughts in your mind or sensations in your body. You will be able to receive messages, guidance, helpful information, and become more aligned and balanced.
It is difficult to spend time with someone you dislike. Sometimes we run away from ourselves for this reason. If you don’t have a good opinion of yourself and your life, it may not sound like a good plan to hang out with yourself. A good beginning will be to look at yourself with new eyes and from a different perspective. It is necessary that you appreciate your gifts more than your flaws. Judgmental thoughts and not being able to forgive yourself can be the reason why it is difficult to feel connected to and good about yourself.
When you are with someone you Love, you pay attention to their likes and dislikes, needs and desires, what they say, and their body language. You look into the eyes of the person. You are present, totally there. But what do you do when you are with yourself? You forget you exist most of the time. You don’t take good care of yourself because other things or people are priorities, you don’t listen to your body and its messages or red flags, you ignore what your feelings are trying to say… In summary: You treat those you Love better than you treat yourself.
The poet Rumi asked in one of his works: do you make regular visits to yourself? It is an important question because we tend to forget that we need to be in a good relationship with ourselves. This is the most important relationship you will ever establish. These visits may consist of a silent walk, a time to reflect, journal or write, meditate, or ask yourself questions. The activity doesn’t really matter, it is about devoting time to you and your inner sacred center or essence.
In recent studies, scientists have detected that most of the time we are not present where we are. Our mind wanders. It is the way it is. But what you have to know is that we can train the mind to wander less and be more present in the activity or moment where we are now. It doesn’t require extensive training, just to pay attention, more at the beginning, until you know how to be more in the present than in the past or future. It is easier than you think, and the benefits of being with yourself in the present are enormous.
I invite you to try. Don’t waste more time. You are invited to a special party. It is called Me and I. You are the only one invited. It is an opportunity to know yourself better. You are going to have a great time if you want to. Drop any expectations. Go there with an open heart and a Love Letter written to yourself. You can’t miss this opportunity of being intimate with yourself. Love yourself for no reason. You deserve your Love. Don’t look at what is missing or what you would like to be. Focus on becoming just you. Appreciate what you have and who you are now. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. I am sure you are unique, and there is only one like you. I Love you as you are.
"Sometimes you just have to turn off the lights, sit in the dark,
and see what happens inside of you"
Can you accept yourself as you are? Be totally honest with yourself when you answer the question. Maybe you are not sure you can do it, or you don't know how. Unconditional acceptance is something you must practice every day because being you, authentically you, is the most important thing you can do to live happily.
You can simulate that you have a good relationship with yourself, that you accept your flaws, mistakes, that you forgive yourself for what you believe you did wrongly. But your soul will know if you, deep inside yourself, reject yourself, cannot accept yourself as you are and criticize yourself constantly.
Having a good relationship with yourself and becoming your best friend starts with the absolute need to accept yourself as you are, and also the life you are living. You cannot say that you Love yourself if you criticize everything that happens to you, don’t appreciate your life, relationships, environment, life circumstances…
In time you will see that the self-acceptance will allow you to transform this feeling into appreciation, and then into gratefulness, and together all of these will convert your life into something greater and happier. This way you will be able to release the pressure you put on yourself to improve yourself and your life, and you will be able to become content with yourself as you are.
You may have to do an effort to accept who you are unconditionally, to say aloud “this is me”, to present yourself as you are without any protection, without adapting yourself to others or the situation, without the fear of being rejected or criticized for your ideas, way of living or your acts; this may require courage and make you feel vulnerable. Let me tell you that to be you is simpler than you imagine, because when you accept yourself the world accepts you as well.
The inner conflict between who you are and the image you want to show in public, in your job, in front of your in-laws or friends, or to get a partner, takes a lot of energy from you. It puts you in a constant state of alert to protect yourself from any mistake you can make that allows others to see the real you, the one you unconsciously want to protect from the judgment of others. Your intimate relationship with yourself should be easy, smooth, allowing you to feel relaxed and at ease in any circumstance.
If you feel that there are things about yourself and your past that you cannot forgive, this is the perfect moment to let them go, to set yourself free from a thought, experience, or situation that holds you back and makes you suffer.
To accept yourself this way you will have to learn self-forgiveness, kindness and compassion towards yourself. Just give yourself the same Love you share with others, and you will create a new relationship with yourself, one where you can discover who you are, know yourself more deeply, accept yourself and fall in Love with yourself, with the real You.
"Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself"
We have had lots of life experiences that we have not wanted to accept. Loses, so called `mistakes’, break ups, unforgivable events, abuse, arguments, disagreements, pain, and so much more. But they happened, they were real, and we cannot change them, but we can, at least, accept them. Acceptance will allow you to look to the future with more freedom. Stop looking only through the rear mirror, and look at the wonderful view in front of you, while you drive through the journey of your life.
There are people that think that to accept means to be weak, or that they cannot forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it. But in order to live your life in the present, this life that is real and happening for you at this exact moment, you must be here and now. You cannot be present if you only live in the past, in past experiences, in past feelings, in past grudges, in past resentment.
To let go, to release, or to forgive, are learnable skills. They are necessary for your survival. If you carry all these weight from the past, you will move slowly, with difficulties, and your life-journey will be much more unpleasant than if you walk through life weightless and free to enjoy every moment of it.
You need to accept the life you have in order to be able to create the life you want. What this means is that you can only create new circumstances, change, thrive, and become who you want to be, when you accept what is happening in your life now.
Doing it doesn’t have to generate guilt. You don’t have to blame yourself, to feel guilty. You don’t need to have a poor opinion of your choices, or to be a victim of the circumstances, or of your past. You only need to accept who you are, in a loving and compassionate way, offering yourself the understanding and kindness you would show a loved one.
Start planting the seeds of your new life and wonderful future. Nothing stops you from creating a life that contains what you want and deserve. Only you can sabotage your efforts, life is on your side. If you want something, you must become what you want. No Love can enter a closed heart. No abundance can arrive to those who feel they don’t deserve it. No health can be restored if we don’t pay attention to the needs of our body. Change starts with awareness and understanding and it happens with acceptance.
Live with acceptance and not for acceptance. We are subject to the opinions and expectations of those around us. We live our lives fulfilling roles. We want to be the best employees, managers, parents, children, partners, friends, or neighbors. We sometimes achieve our goal at a cost. We have internal expectations of what all of those roles imply, and in order to be that person that we want to be, to fulfill that role perfectly, to demonstrate our Love to others and to be accepted by them, we stop loving ourselves in the process.
What we need to have a happier life is self-acceptance, not the acceptance of others. They are not walking through life wearing our shoes. No matter how much they know us, they cannot live our lives for us. You can create a new life: a life of pleasure, of abundance, of happiness and fun. We live our life overworked, in busyness, and without time to reflect, take care of ourselves, or make the best decisions. Nowadays all happens fast, and we may feel stressed and tired. Just pause, appreciate your life, and take some time to accept.
"When you invoke the agent of change called acceptance, you must accept all that you are,
all that you've been, and all that you will be in the future"
Why is a magic question. Have you used it lately? Why you have the belief system you have? Why you do the work you do? Why are you facing these difficulties? Why are you in this relationship? Why you haven’t found the Love of your life? Why you are not experiencing wellbeing? Why you are not happier? I can go on and on. It is important to ask yourself questions.
Stop living your life on autopilot and be conscious of your choices, those things you try to ignore, or you don’t pay enough attention to. You may be stuck in a career, relationship, or health problem because you haven’t asked yourself why am I here? Once you start asking yourself, you have to be open to receiving the answers. Be honest with yourself and listen. Sometimes we don’t dig deep enough because knowing more will force us to make changes in our lives.
There is a cost of opportunity to not changing anything. It is stagnation. Life itself is change, letting go, embracing the new. You shouldn’t stop yourself, put limits to what you can accomplish, or postpone your happiness. Are you scared of finding out the reason why you are stuck in certain situations or patterns, why some of your life circumstances never change?
Perhaps this is the reason you just keep doing the same again and again. You are too busy to question yourself, to stop and think, to breathe and listen to your inner voice. You think that there is not enough time to make changes, you tell yourself that your life is ok, or that you cannot ask for more. Maybe you are too tired, or you feel that there is a lack of opportunities. As a result, you don’t take any action.
What if all could change for the better? Would you be willing to change to achieve more wellbeing, abundance, Love and happiness? This is what is waiting for you around the corner. Start believing in yourself and in your capabilities of creating a wonderful life for you and those around you.
Focus on what matters: being. Find the time and the energy to take baby steps towards the existence you want. Ask yourself, how do I start? And allow the information to flow. You will be guided. Rely on it, and see it happening.
When you live a life you don’t like you will experience an inner conflict that can manifest itself as lack of energy, sadness, no zest in life, poor health, financial difficulties, or relationships that don’t work. These are signs, clear ones, that there is something you are doing that is not in working for your benefit. Be grateful for your life and then observe yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, your attitude, your beliefs, your desires… and your whys.
Review your life, with lots of Love and compassion, without being judgmental. You have to give yourself permission to create a new you. You don’t really need to change; you only have to become yourself. Let go of what doesn’t allow you to shine properly. Discard what holds you back. Be brave enough to release the past and to live in the present moment. Allow yourself to receive what you desire.
Try not to criticize yourself in the process. Explore your life and choices with kindness. Remember that there are no mistakes or wrong choices, just decisions made in the past. You have never lost your time, you just have learned from whatever you experienced.
Forgive yourself for being stuck in situations. Don’t become a victim of your circumstances. Don’t blame bad luck or others. Accept yourself, your life, and move on. Your life starts anew in this exact moment. Only if you want it to. You deserve to be happier. You deserve a life full of joy. You can have it all. Why? Because you are amazing!
"Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have or do"
All of us want to feel loved. We want to receive proof that we are loved. We want dedication and attention. We can even withdraw our Love when we are not sure if another person loves us, or when we feel insecure in a relationship. But Love is never conditional. Real Love does not expect retribution, a guarantee, and has no obligation. Love just gives without expecting anything in return. Love just wants to be expressed.
The world of Love seems to be complicated. Some cannot find it, others had it and lost it, there are people that have never experienced it, others are afraid of it, or cannot express the Love they have inside themselves. We aim to poses something that we don't even know how to describe, to find, or to keep. Love can take you to the moon, make you feel special, bring out the best in you, and allow you to become a better person. But Love can make you feel miserable and vulnerable, and break your heart, and so many people have built tall walls to protect themselves from it because they believe that Love hurts.
How it possible that Love can be so desired, and we all want to experience it and, at the same time, loving seems so scary and it creates so much suffering? Every relationship that we establish is an opportunity to learn how to Love and to be loved. Love is a choice. It is a state of being. It is a decision we can make, even in spite of the other person. We Love because we decide to. When we Love no matter what, for no specific reason, or without expecting anything in return, we are loving unconditionally.
To be able to Love others you have to Love yourself first. By doing that, you will be able to share your Love without asking anything in return, without trying to control or possess the other person in order to assure your dose of Love. Your own Love will support you, and will allow you to be more compassionate, understanding, and less judgmental with others. Love is free like the wind, or it is not Love. You cannot demand to be loved; it has to be given to you freely. Love is a flow, we offer our Love and we receive Love.
When you invest all your energy in loving yourself, you create a full battery of Love that is ready to be shared with others. You will be able to give Love without the need to receive it. Love will arrive to you anyway, your essence of Love will attract more Love into your life. The Love that you express, the Love of who you are, will make you so attractive and irresistible. Love is not an exchange. Love is what you already have within you, and you share. It is the energy that drives you. It is the solution to any problem you may have. It is the key that unlocks all hearts. Be Love.
"It is all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you,
rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit"
It is important to be loving with oneself. During a period of my life I was so hard on myself; I judged myself and my life constantly. The result of it wasn't good. Maybe you also do it in a certain way, and you tell yourself that you point out these things in order to improve your life and yourself. But what you really do is to torture yourself. We do it because we don't know how to Love and accept who we are. You can only change yourself doing it in a loving way, accepting who you are now, and planting new seeds to become who you want to be.
I would like to invite you to reflect on all the good things that you have done in your life and all the good moments you experienced. Picture yourself in these situations. Feel the joy and the satisfaction of being you in those moments. Live in a state of appreciation for what you have, for who you are. Don't complain, don't try to change yourself and your reality, just accept it. Stop fighting against yourself!
Being you could be difficult at certain moments. I am not going to deny that life can be hard and bring you undesired situations and life changes. Living your life can mean to be stuck or confused, not knowing what your next step should be and, it is especially in those moments, when you really need yourself at your side. Nobody can Love and understand yourself the way you can.
Being you is an art that only you can master. Celebrate your uniqueness instead of criticizing yourself for what you are not, or have not accomplished. To be you, you need to accept yourself the way you are, with an open heart and lots of compassion and understanding. Maybe you have to rediscover yourself after recognizing that instead of being authentically yourself, you have become someone else.
Don't go back into the past to look for all the mistakes and flaws you believe you made. What if in the big scheme of things everything that had happened to you makes sense, and the only reason you had all the experiences was for learning how to Love yourself unconditionally in every occasion and under any circumstance.
Don't worry about what the future will bring to you, and don't play small to protect yourself. Live your life as it comes, and trust that you will have what is needed at every moment. The power is within you. You are here on a special mission that only you can accomplish: to be authentically yourself.
"If you are happy, you can give happiness. If you don't love
yourself and if you are unhappy with yourself, you can't give
anything else but that"
I invite you to try, even if it is your goal only for one day, not to expect any result from your actions or the events you experience during these hours. Just accept whatever is arriving into your life. Focus your attention on being totally present with what is happening, with what is. Change the habit of expecting an outcome, good or bad, just be there and observe. Go with the flow.
Don't consider anything as positive or negative; don't create a future scenario with the power of your expectations. Your life path is not mapped out. You are the master of your destiny. You have a free will and the power to transform your life. But you won't see other possibilities unless you allow yourself to be helped by the higher power. Do you know why? Because when you expect something to happen, exactly in that moment, you are sending a message to the Universe.
The Universe is always working on making your desires real. Be aware of what you expect, because when you imagine that something will go wrong you, energetically, are making your expectations real. Be mindful not only of your desire; be also mindful of your expectations of what you don't want to happen to you. After you ask for a new job, more clients, the approval of your project, or meeting your Soul Mate, watch your thoughts and your energy.
Be sure that you rely on yourself and in the power of the Universe to bring you what you desire. It is not necessary that you tell the Universe how to deliver what you have asked for or when. Everything will happen within a divine timing. The higher power will figure out how you will get what you desire and when it the best moment for you to receive it.
You have to be sure you have faith and to feel that is already happening. Be clear in your mind. Feel confident. You deserve what you desire. Be in no doubt of it. You need be sure that you don't cancel your order to the Universe with your fears, doubts and negative expectations. Keep your desires alive and don't expect. Whatever you want and ask for is already happening. Allow yourself to receive it.
"We are mindful of desire when we experience it with an embodied awareness, recognizing the sensations and thoughts of wanting and arising and passing phenomena. While this isn't easy; as we cultivate
the clear seeing and compassion of Radical Acceptance, we discover we can open fully to
this natural force, and remain free in its midst"
Love yourself enough to act on your own interest, to make yourself and your happiness a priority. Be your best friend, empower and encourage yourself. Believe in yourself. There is no one like you and there will never be. You have a unique way of being. You are limitless. Rely in your capabilities to create the life you want. You are in the path of Love, to learn how to Love and how to be loved and it all starts with the Love for yourself. Open your heart.
Love yourself enough to stop criticizing and judging yourself whenever things don't go the way you want, of when you feel you failed. Don't go against yourself for any reason or under any circumstance. Learn how to be more compassionate, understanding and kind with yourself, to be able to accept yourself totally. Develop self-forgiveness. Understand that you don't need to be perfect to Love yourself. You deserve your own Love.
Love yourself enough to choose the relationships that exemplify that Love. Learn how to set up boundaries and express your needs. Respect and honor yourself, and ask others to treat you the same way. Love without abandoning yourself in any relationship or stopping being yourself. Never pretend to please others, or lie to be accepted. Know when and how to say no; do it without feeling guilty, as is your right.
Love yourself enough to be authentically you, without any masks. Invest time in knowing yourself and your gifts, and appreciate them. Spend time with yourself. Let go of the expectations of others about your life. Love unconditionally, both yourself and others, not expecting to get anything in return. Learn to Love without a reason. Don't change, adapt excessively, or make yourself small in order to receive Love. You are lovable the way you are.
Love yourself enough to understand that you are never alone because you are always in the best possible company: your own. Understand that the most important relationship that you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. Don't be afraid to lose Love; when you understand that it infuses your very self, and that you can generate it, you share it without limits and it comes back to you.
Love yourself enough to know that with the power of your own Self-Love you can overcome any difficulty or challenge in life. Choose who you want to be. Trust yourself and your decisions. Live your life with passion. Enjoy every moment of it. Explore it. Expand your horizons. Go after your dreams. Never forget your passions. Find the time to be you and to enjoy it. Let the little child that you still have inside of you go out and play. Connect with yourself and dedicate your life to what is really important: Love.
“No matter how much we give Love, if we don’t give it to ourselves
nobody can Love us enough”
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.