When you ask someone the question “How are you?,” the person you are talking to will choose something in the line of “I am fine”, “All good”, “I am doing well”, but they won’t tell you what they really feel or how they are really doing at the moment, they will give you an answer that is not real.
Some people think that nobody is interested in their problems, challenges or their emotional or physical health. They don’t want to bother others with their burdens, or maybe they feel that nobody will really listen with interest.
Others want to keep what is not working in their lives private, and they always show a happy face to the world, even when they don’t feel happy. In this new era we post all good news in Social Media, but who do we tell the not so good news?
We feel that we have to be ok all the time, that we cannot be down, that we need to be resilient no matter what we are going through, a divorce, a transition, an illness, legal problems, financial stress, the loss of someone we love... and we don’t.
The fastest way, and the one that will allow you to go through life with less suffering in whatever circumstances you are going through, is not to hide what is happening, not to put it aside, not to deny it. It is to face it.
When you do, be kind and compassionate with yourself and accept the situation, whatever it is. Give yourself the necessary time to process what is going on, don’t jump to the end of the process that you will need to do in order to overcome the difficulty and bounce back.
Be authentically you, no matter what is going on, be honest with yourself. Analyze yourself and your feelings, try to understand where your thoughts come from and revise old belief systems to see if they are still serving you, see your patterns of behavior as allies to point you in the right direction to change.
Yes, change. Here we are again, this magic word that nobody wants to hear. Life is change. Today you are not the same person you were yesterday… even if you want to keep yourself stuck, it won’t be possible, life will kick your behind and make a move for you if you don’t. Your body changes, your cells renew, and you experience new situations, different life circumstances, interact with others, travel, read, learn, and expand your horizons.
You are here to evolve and grow. You can do it smartly, easily, with Love for yourself and your life, being grateful for the opportunity to be alive. Or you can continue hiding your problems, being unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and going around with a mask and telling yourself “I am fine”.
What are you going to answer the next time someone asks you how you are doing? I have a suggestion: why don’t you take a minute of your time to figure out how you really are. This time, answer yourself honestly, accept what is, without judgment.
Later on, you may want to spend some time brainstorming about what you can do to improve your life and circumstances. Or you can have a pity party before you decide to let go of what is not allowing you to move forward, to release it, to move on. You always have a choice. Today, choose to make yourself happy. Do one thing for you, small or big, take action and see the change.
"Your preparation for the real world is not in the answers you have learned,
but in the questions you have learned how to ask yourself"
When you feel confused, uncertain, or stuck, don’t try to fix the external circumstances of your life, just look inside. The solution to everything you experience is within you. A change or perspective, a different approach to life, another attitude towards the same events, may be necessary to create a shift.
A change of consciousness is what the crisis you are experiencing is asking of you. It does not matter if your life is falling apart because of financial stress, health issues, a divorce, problems in your job, or something else. A change is required, and only you can do it. The clue to overcoming the challenge is hiding inside of you.
We tend to think that when we solve the issue, whatever is it, all will be well. If I get the job or the promotion I will be happy, if I receive the money I will be financially stable and be able to pay my debt, if I lose some weight I will find the partner I deserve... That’s not true. You will be in a better situation if you work towards your goals, but the reason why you don’t have the partner, the money, or the job, is because you don’t think that you can have it.
And let me tell you a little, but important secret, on how the Universe works: you cannot receive what you don’t have. All of us struggle in a certain area of our lives, or maybe in more than one. We can be successful professionals but our Love life is a disaster, or we might be so healthy but feel that we lack energy, passion, and purpose in our lives. We try harder to overcome whatever block might be stopping us from getting what we want, when the way to get what you really desire is to believe that you deserve it.
I will give you an example. You have to cultivate the qualities that you want to have in your life. If you want more peace, be more peaceful. If you want more Love, be more loving, if you want more abundance, feel abundant and grateful. We don’t realize that we close the doors to receiving, that we ask and we cancel the order right after we place it. We sabotage our own efforts to improve our lives and we do it so automatically, as a habit.
Lots of people procrastinate their happiness until a time when the world around them will match their expectations. Know that the easy way to create a life of fulfillment and purpose, a life that makes you jump out of bed every day, it to start being happy right here and right now.
If you accept your life situation, and see the blessings you have, you will create a platform from where you can build a foundation for the life you dream of and deserve. Look inside and see who you are in essence, a beautiful being, full of Love and joy and willing to share it.
"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self"
You are the only one that can live your life, the one that can take responsibility for what is going on, and the one that has the power to transform yourself and your life. You are more powerful than you think you are.
We tend to go through life looking at how the world affects us and putting limits on ourselves. We analyze how others behave towards us, thinking that they have the power to hurt us. We complain about our family, spouse, friends, colleagues, or boss. Everyone seems to be the cause of our pain and dissatisfaction when we think about it, or we complain to others about what we are experiencing.
You are the only one that can change these circumstances. You can change any circumstance with the power of your own Love, Self-Love. For example, when in a relationship someone disrespects and mistreats you, they are not the only ones that should change their behavior. You need to change too. Maybe you need to learn to say no to certain things, to respect yourself, or to set boundaries.
Don't wait until others change, do it yourself. Once you do it, this person that you think that is causing your pain won't be in your life anymore. Things will change unexpectedly, or you will abandon this kind of relationship knowing that you deserve a loving partnership, and that by staying in this relationship, you are hurting yourself. If you change the way you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you, as a consequence, those around you will change too.
When you self-sacrifice in order to take care of your family or children, for example, and you don't feel well because you are exhausted and totally depleted, and you feel that you don't have a life anymore, you are hurting yourself. There is a way to change your life circumstances, but maybe not the way you have thought about. There is a way to ask for help, real help, from those who Love you, and also help from the Universe.
Think about a typical situation where you have too much to do at home. You can ask your partner to be more involved and help you, or you can ask the Universe to bring you the money you need to be able to pay for a cleaning lady, or for a nanny. That will allow you to rethink your schedule, or work from home, or part-time, to be able to take care of yourself and your family with energy, passion, and also feel well in the bargain. Only you can create these possibilities.
When the abundance is not there, and you feel that you are limited because without it, you cannot do what you want, only you can solve it. By loving yourself more, your energy will be better, your vibration higher, your creativity and inspiration larger, and you will feel more connected with yourself, others and the Universe, seeing more solutions and opportunities.
This shift will allow you to receive what you feel you deserve, to open the doors of your heart, and to share all the Love you have, and this will bring more Love into your life. This will improve not only your relationships, but every area of your life, and you will see abundance enter your life, that people around you are happier, that life becomes less a struggle and more a dance with the Universe, and then you will understand the magic of life. You can shift now, do it!
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the season, or the wind,
but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of"
When things are not working the way you want, don't wait to take action. Every breath you take is a new breath, a new life, a new opportunity. We have the sensation that we need to wait until tomorrow, Monday or next month to change our lives. But your life can change now, in this exact moment. The only thing you need is to start moving in the direction you want it to go. All that is required is your intention. Where your energy goes is where you will see the changes. You don't need to produce them, just to allow them to happen.
The human mind is limited. We can see until a certain point in our lives. Not even with our best level of imagination, would we be able to create a plan as extraordinary as the one the Universe has ready for us. Your life is transformed each minute. I don't want to put pressure on you. This is not my intention. But let me ask you, until when are you going to continue living in an unsatisfactory way, being in a relationship you don't want, or doing the unfulfilling or unpaid job you are in? What needs to happen for you to take a baby step that demonstrates to the Universe that you are ready to change?
Everything is possible, you are limitless, you can do it... We use all these phrases, but do we believe in them? The problem is that sometimes we want impossible things, things that are not good for us, things that will require changes in our lives. We blame ourselves, our lives, and the Universe, for not bringing what we desire but we don't realize the consequences of what are we asking for, or we do it without a pinch of conviction, sitting on the sofa with a remote in our hand as a magic wand.
The Universe is waiting for your order. Dance with the Universe, allow it to help you arrive to the best place for you, to give you all you desire, to be balanced and whole, to have well-being and an amazing Love life. Ask yourself, "What can I do to achieve these things?" Is there anything that comes to your mind right now? If you came up with a simple idea, put it into practice now!
You don't need to do everything today, to solve all your challenges in this moment, or to start taking action in every area of your life. Just choose one thing, the most important right now. It does not have to be big or challenging, but it has to be important enough for you to commit to it. Don't wait any longer to get a fresh start.
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers.
You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life;
and the procedure, the process is its own reward"
You were born free. You have the power to choose. You have options. You have the power to choose how to be, how to act, what to do with your life. You might be following certain rules, religious beliefs, educational patterns, or cultural ways of being, but at any moment, you can choose to change them and to create a new set of rules to live a happier life, a more fulfilled one. No one can dictate how you have live your life. It is entirely your decision. Everything in your life will change when you take responsibility of who you are, and start asking yourself questions about the way you really see life and want to live it.
It may seem to you that your life is decided for you, but not by you. You may think that the country where you were born, or the socioeconomic status of your parents, have influenced your life to a point where you will never be able to achieve what others already have. Maybe you think that your genes or the color of your skin determines the life you can have. Perhaps you believe that your childhood, the way you were raised, the lack of Love you experienced while you were a child will affect your life forever. Or you have arrived to the conclusion that your divorce, or the bankruptcy, or any other situation where you feel you failed, are signs that you are not good enough. This is not true!
You were born with certain life circumstances, but they are not you. You are much more powerful than you imagine. You cannot change past events, but you can change the way you are now, and build a totally different present and future. You do it with the power of your intention, your thoughts and your imagination, with the passion and commitment to become the best version of yourself, with the power of self-forgiveness, and by letting go what stops you from being authentically you. You are free to choose, every day, and every second of each day. You don't need to change your life circumstances. You only need to look at them with different eyes. They are not you. They are just events. Learn whatever you can from them and let them go.
Life is change. You can change, or life will change for you. Take the lead. Ask yourself what you want, and go for it. Take a leap of faith. Give a try to a new way of living. One where you are free, you choose, you decide. You don't have to continue living in a world where others tell you what your life is supposed to be, where everyone has an opinion about what you have to do except you. Ask yourself if you live in the country you want, in the place you love, if you have the job of your dreams, if you would instead like to do a different activity, what is your passion, what is your purpose, what relationships in your life you want to invest in or abandon. When you have all these answers, you will be able to design the life you want. Then it will be the moment to use your inner power to choose, and to set yourself free to live the life you truly desire.
"The secret to happiness is freedom... And the secret to freedom is courage"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.