We all want to be recognized, understood, and loved in our close relationships. It is crucial to invest energy in demonstrating to the person you are relating to that you really care about them. The most important gift you can offer a loved one is your undivided attention and a real interest in who they are. Don't take anyone for granted.
You don't need try to guess who the person you Love is in essence, or what is important in their world. Ask questions! Show your interest in discovering their dreams, what they wish and why, what excites and worries them, what makes them feel happy or frustrated. Ask them anything that helps you understand them and their universe; what is the reason they wake up every morning, what they appreciate. Listen carefully to the answers. Be totally there, just listening without reacting, not trying to figure out a response. Just take it in.
Once you have received all that the other person shared with you, you will realize that there were more than words. The body language, the tone of voice, how relaxed the person is, a smile, or the pauses or silence during the conversation, will tell you as much as the words this person chooses. Presence creates a real connection. To build a relationship, and to share, requires time.
Many people are afraid of showing their real selves. They feel that if someone sees them as they are, they will stop loving them. They wear a mask or try to please everyone they are in a relationship with to get the Love they want. It isn't easy to know someone who doesn't want to open up, talk about real feelings or desires, or that is not really connected with themselves.
When you really Love someone, your Love can provide a safe space and encourage this person to step out of their shell and be more authentically themselves. When you Love, do it unconditionally. Love the real person, flaws, stories, and past experiences included. Give the other the opportunity to express who they are.
Being together for a long time doesn't mean that you know a person. Perhaps it is the opposite. Maybe this person has evolved and has changed without you realizing it. Perhaps now you only know the image you have of your loved one. Maybe because you see each other every day or speak regularly, you think you have a good idea about who they are. Or maybe you never arrived at this deep place of sharing your most intimate side.
Building intimacy is an art, and it happens when presence, interest, and time are devoted to another being. If you want to experience true Love, connect from your heart with the one you have chosen to have in your life, this being that you consider special.
When you spend time with someone, share yourself, all of you, be vulnerable and authentic. Allow yourself to be seen. Rediscover each other every moment you spend together as if it were the first time you saw each other, and share your Love. Look into the eyes of the person you Love and tell yourself, "I want to know all about you, to Love you even more. I want to see the depth of your essence."
"The first duty of Love is to listen"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.