Self-confidence does not depend on your success, it is more of an attitude towards life. When you feel confident, you don’t feel invincible because you are superman or superwoman; your confidence comes from an inner feeling that no matter how life turns out or what happens to you, everything will be ok because you will find a way to overcome any obstacle in your life.
It can be hard to have confidence in yourself when things are not working the way you want, and life becomes challenging. I know because I stopped believing in myself during a long period of my life, not finding the energy to move from a victim mode and depression to a state of mind where I could see opportunities and solutions that I could apply into my life. But this is the past and it is not happening anymore because I am not afraid of living and I don’t need to control every aspect of my life. I feel safe. I feel alive.
Now I know that I am always supported and that, whatever comes my way is there because I can handle it. I have the power to do it. Now I know that someone has my back, the Universe. I have understood that guidance is always there for me. That help comes when I ask for it, from wherever it has to arrive and in any possible form and that I am never alone.
Life shouldn’t be hard. No matter what is going on, a devastating illness, losing your job, financial difficulties, problems in your relationships… You may be sad or in pain, but you can find a way to go through it while avoiding the extra suffering. Self-confidence brings more balance and peace into your life. It has power, the power to accomplish, to overcome, to decide, to become, to succeed, the power of loving yourself.
You should be confident not only when all is great and life smiles at you. You need self-confidence the most when you cannot look at yourself and be proud of yourself or of your choices. Don’t blame yourself, don’t judge yourself, and don’t feel self-pity.
Things are not working, you have problems, I understand, but you have a life to live. You have to get up and pull yourself together. You owe this to yourself. Step into your power and state your confidence. Tell yourself: “I can and I will. I don’t know how, but I will find a way”.
You are not your problems, circumstances, or difficulties. You are much more important that all of this. They are the scenario of your life and you are the actor or actress. You are the star in the play. You have abilities, you have gifts, and you have the power of Self-Love, to make everything happen.
The Universe is at your service to help, but you need to listen to the guidance. Stop and listen carefully because its voice whispers, it sends helpers your way, signs and synchronicities,and shows you the best path for you now. Be confident!
"I believe the process of going from confusion to understanding
is a precious, even emotional, experience that can be the
foundation of self-confidence"
When you ask someone the question “How are you?,” the person you are talking to will choose something in the line of “I am fine”, “All good”, “I am doing well”, but they won’t tell you what they really feel or how they are really doing at the moment, they will give you an answer that is not real.
Some people think that nobody is interested in their problems, challenges or their emotional or physical health. They don’t want to bother others with their burdens, or maybe they feel that nobody will really listen with interest.
Others want to keep what is not working in their lives private, and they always show a happy face to the world, even when they don’t feel happy. In this new era we post all good news in Social Media, but who do we tell the not so good news?
We feel that we have to be ok all the time, that we cannot be down, that we need to be resilient no matter what we are going through, a divorce, a transition, an illness, legal problems, financial stress, the loss of someone we love... and we don’t.
The fastest way, and the one that will allow you to go through life with less suffering in whatever circumstances you are going through, is not to hide what is happening, not to put it aside, not to deny it. It is to face it.
When you do, be kind and compassionate with yourself and accept the situation, whatever it is. Give yourself the necessary time to process what is going on, don’t jump to the end of the process that you will need to do in order to overcome the difficulty and bounce back.
Be authentically you, no matter what is going on, be honest with yourself. Analyze yourself and your feelings, try to understand where your thoughts come from and revise old belief systems to see if they are still serving you, see your patterns of behavior as allies to point you in the right direction to change.
Yes, change. Here we are again, this magic word that nobody wants to hear. Life is change. Today you are not the same person you were yesterday… even if you want to keep yourself stuck, it won’t be possible, life will kick your behind and make a move for you if you don’t. Your body changes, your cells renew, and you experience new situations, different life circumstances, interact with others, travel, read, learn, and expand your horizons.
You are here to evolve and grow. You can do it smartly, easily, with Love for yourself and your life, being grateful for the opportunity to be alive. Or you can continue hiding your problems, being unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and going around with a mask and telling yourself “I am fine”.
What are you going to answer the next time someone asks you how you are doing? I have a suggestion: why don’t you take a minute of your time to figure out how you really are. This time, answer yourself honestly, accept what is, without judgment.
Later on, you may want to spend some time brainstorming about what you can do to improve your life and circumstances. Or you can have a pity party before you decide to let go of what is not allowing you to move forward, to release it, to move on. You always have a choice. Today, choose to make yourself happy. Do one thing for you, small or big, take action and see the change.
"Your preparation for the real world is not in the answers you have learned,
but in the questions you have learned how to ask yourself"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.