When you ask someone the question “How are you?,” the person you are talking to will choose something in the line of “I am fine”, “All good”, “I am doing well”, but they won’t tell you what they really feel or how they are really doing at the moment, they will give you an answer that is not real.
Some people think that nobody is interested in their problems, challenges or their emotional or physical health. They don’t want to bother others with their burdens, or maybe they feel that nobody will really listen with interest.
Others want to keep what is not working in their lives private, and they always show a happy face to the world, even when they don’t feel happy. In this new era we post all good news in Social Media, but who do we tell the not so good news?
We feel that we have to be ok all the time, that we cannot be down, that we need to be resilient no matter what we are going through, a divorce, a transition, an illness, legal problems, financial stress, the loss of someone we love... and we don’t.
The fastest way, and the one that will allow you to go through life with less suffering in whatever circumstances you are going through, is not to hide what is happening, not to put it aside, not to deny it. It is to face it.
When you do, be kind and compassionate with yourself and accept the situation, whatever it is. Give yourself the necessary time to process what is going on, don’t jump to the end of the process that you will need to do in order to overcome the difficulty and bounce back.
Be authentically you, no matter what is going on, be honest with yourself. Analyze yourself and your feelings, try to understand where your thoughts come from and revise old belief systems to see if they are still serving you, see your patterns of behavior as allies to point you in the right direction to change.
Yes, change. Here we are again, this magic word that nobody wants to hear. Life is change. Today you are not the same person you were yesterday… even if you want to keep yourself stuck, it won’t be possible, life will kick your behind and make a move for you if you don’t. Your body changes, your cells renew, and you experience new situations, different life circumstances, interact with others, travel, read, learn, and expand your horizons.
You are here to evolve and grow. You can do it smartly, easily, with Love for yourself and your life, being grateful for the opportunity to be alive. Or you can continue hiding your problems, being unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and going around with a mask and telling yourself “I am fine”.
What are you going to answer the next time someone asks you how you are doing? I have a suggestion: why don’t you take a minute of your time to figure out how you really are. This time, answer yourself honestly, accept what is, without judgment.
Later on, you may want to spend some time brainstorming about what you can do to improve your life and circumstances. Or you can have a pity party before you decide to let go of what is not allowing you to move forward, to release it, to move on. You always have a choice. Today, choose to make yourself happy. Do one thing for you, small or big, take action and see the change.
"Your preparation for the real world is not in the answers you have learned,
but in the questions you have learned how to ask yourself"
All of us feel, we feel all the time. The variety of feelings we experience is immense and unique for each of us. From Love and content, to rage and sadness, our feelings are like a radar that helps us navigate into the unknown. We take feelings for granted, and we act on them without paying much attention.
Every feeling you experience can be connected with an act. You feel sad and you cry, or you feel angry and you scream at others. This may be automatic, but if you really pay attention to your thoughts and emotions, you will understand the root cause of your feelings, and you will be able to choose how you want to respond to what are you feeling.
Your feelings are yours, only yours. Nobody or anything can make you feel bad or put you down, except if you give this person or event the power to do it. Nobody can hurt you. It is not possible, it is just an illusion. You might be reacting to someone's actions, but you have the power to choose how you want to respond, instead of reacting directly to someone that is pushing your buttons, or activating something within you.
All of us have unresolved issues, things that we experienced in the past and that were never understood or processed. These issues are still there, waiting for the right occasion to make themselves visible. Sometimes this happens at the least appropriate moment. We can learn from what we have lived and overcome it. We can forgive, let go of the pain, the resentment, or the anger against someone or something that happened a long time ago, or yesterday.
I invite you to go to the center of your heart, to this place within where all is stored, and to let go of everything that is not allowing you to live a happy life now. I want you to know that you have the capability to express your feelings, and that it is ok to feel what you feel. I want to empower you to relate with others authentically. This will require you to express what you feel without limiting yourself, or avoiding expressing your feelings so as not to hurt others or be hurt by others.
Stop going through life shutting up every time you feel it is necessary. You can say what you want to say with Love, politely, in a calm way, but you need to express it. Feel your feelings and find the courage to express them. It does not matter if you want to say I Love you, or I cannot be with you. Both feelings need to be expressed. Say what you feel!
"Expressing my feelings and then the opportunity to share it with
others is just such a gift"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.