Being with yourself means spending time in your own company. It is becoming aware of what is happening within yourself, internally, and not only around yourself. You have a world inside that you may not have discovered yet. If you pay attention, you will distinguish more than thoughts in your mind or sensations in your body. You will be able to receive messages, guidance, helpful information, and become more aligned and balanced.
It is difficult to spend time with someone you dislike. Sometimes we run away from ourselves for this reason. If you don’t have a good opinion of yourself and your life, it may not sound like a good plan to hang out with yourself. A good beginning will be to look at yourself with new eyes and from a different perspective. It is necessary that you appreciate your gifts more than your flaws. Judgmental thoughts and not being able to forgive yourself can be the reason why it is difficult to feel connected to and good about yourself.
When you are with someone you Love, you pay attention to their likes and dislikes, needs and desires, what they say, and their body language. You look into the eyes of the person. You are present, totally there. But what do you do when you are with yourself? You forget you exist most of the time. You don’t take good care of yourself because other things or people are priorities, you don’t listen to your body and its messages or red flags, you ignore what your feelings are trying to say… In summary: You treat those you Love better than you treat yourself.
The poet Rumi asked in one of his works: do you make regular visits to yourself? It is an important question because we tend to forget that we need to be in a good relationship with ourselves. This is the most important relationship you will ever establish. These visits may consist of a silent walk, a time to reflect, journal or write, meditate, or ask yourself questions. The activity doesn’t really matter, it is about devoting time to you and your inner sacred center or essence.
In recent studies, scientists have detected that most of the time we are not present where we are. Our mind wanders. It is the way it is. But what you have to know is that we can train the mind to wander less and be more present in the activity or moment where we are now. It doesn’t require extensive training, just to pay attention, more at the beginning, until you know how to be more in the present than in the past or future. It is easier than you think, and the benefits of being with yourself in the present are enormous.
I invite you to try. Don’t waste more time. You are invited to a special party. It is called Me and I. You are the only one invited. It is an opportunity to know yourself better. You are going to have a great time if you want to. Drop any expectations. Go there with an open heart and a Love Letter written to yourself. You can’t miss this opportunity of being intimate with yourself. Love yourself for no reason. You deserve your Love. Don’t look at what is missing or what you would like to be. Focus on becoming just you. Appreciate what you have and who you are now. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. I am sure you are unique, and there is only one like you. I Love you as you are.
"Sometimes you just have to turn off the lights, sit in the dark,
and see what happens inside of you"
Your inner world is a space inside of yourself that you can call home. It is a quiet, still, and wonderful place, where you can recharge batteries, connect with yourself, and remember who you really are. I love a quote by Gunilla Norris that illustrates this: “Within each of us, there is a silence as vast as the Universe. And when we experience that silence, we remember who we are.” You have a body and a mind, but you are more than a human being because the divine resides within you.
We live most of our lives focused on the exterior world. We get our value, our Love, and our resources, from outside sources. We invest lots of energy in finding 'our place in the world.' We depend upon others to feel good, accomplished, and valuable because it seems that our sources are others’ opinions or validation, social standards, religious or cultural beliefs, social media… I invite you to find, within yourself, the whole truth of who you really are and what the life you want to live is. Make regular visits to your inner residence.
Invest in knowing yourself. Spend time in your own company, in calmness, and doing nothing. Breathe and just be. Pause and relax. Ask yourself questions and you will receive answers. Find ways to learn about yourself, such as your astrological birth chart, the Akashic Records, the messages of your dreams, meditation, or others. Step into the unknown parts of yourself. Discover the beautiful you, the real you, who you are. Reveal your magnificence. Inner work will allow you to inhabit your inner world. The only one that is real and where Love resides.
Do inner research to find who you are. Ask yourself what your values are core beliefs are, and if you are living according to them. Maybe you have never asked yourself these kinds of questions before, but perhaps now is the right moment. Accept what you discover without judging yourself. Awareness is the first necessary step. Once you decide what your new life is going to be, it will be the moment to take action and live differently and happily.
It may seem easier to avoid any kind of introspection and live a life where all is set up and clear, where you know what you have to do, how you have to behave, and what is going to happen if you follow the rules of the system. If you just want to fit in, that’s ok. But to live authentically will require from you to step out of the known world, the one you were raised in, or the culture you belong to, and to ask yourself if there is anything that you have learned which is not working for you anymore.
What I am describing is not to change, it is more to come back home. The wisdom of who you are resides within you. You can access your essence, the source of Love, whenever you want. It will only require to go for it, totally and unconditionally, without trying to understand how with your reasoning mind. Why don’t you set up a time to spend with yourself, to go home? It would be a good way to begin.
Live in your heart. Connect with the source of Love within yourself and you will feel one with the world around you. The suffering we all experience is based on disconnection and lack of Love for ourselves and our lives. You will experience unconditional Love when you live in your heart. Open your heart and Love!
"Your heart is where your inner light resides. It is part of every sacred journey to reconnect with
your inner light, step into your divinity, spread the light of love before you, return to
the essence of love, and inspire others to do the same"
You may believe you were born to do important things with your life. It is true. You have unlimited possibilities and it is never too late to create, learn, or do new things. But the most important reason why you were born was to live your life to the fullest, the only thing that only you can do. You are alive to become yourself, to be just you.
I am writing this blog on a plane that is taking me from Miami to New York, and I discovered myself making my to-do list of pending work and errands. Now all is written in the notes of my phone, technology has simplified my life. I can remember what I must do, I have a good memory and a real agenda on paper, but lists help me focus and prioritize. What I realized is that the most important things are not in my to-do lists.
Have you ever created a to-be list? If not, do it for fun. It is the most amazing contribution to your life that you can give yourself. After creating your to-be list don’t get sad or frustrated if you realize that you have forgotten your dreams, that you have self-sacrificed too much, that you haven’t loved enough, or that you are living a life that is not true to your values. These things happen to all of us human beings.
What do you want to be? Who do you want to become? Asking yourself these questions will help you create a true to-be list. I will share the two most important items on my to-be list to give you an example.
I want to be loving towards myself and others.
I want to be kind with everyone and everything.
I want to become more loving and kinder. I am, I should say, achieving it through my daily decisions, actions, and attitude towards myself and others.
It shouldn’t require more than five minutes to create a to-be list. Write 2 to 5 statements you want to live by. Don’t make it too long. Look at your list through the day. You can read the list slowly to feel and embody every aspect of it, or to remind yourself of your commitment.
Include in your list only the items you want to focus on. If it was a to-do list you would list those urgent matters or errands you must do first, not your goals for three or six months, or one year ahead. What you include in your to-be list should be the aspects you as a being would like to be living by right now. Do you want to be kind, empowering, trusting...? What do you really want?
Don’t avoid writing certain items in your to-be list because you have no idea how you will accomplish them. When your to-do list includes finding a dress or a suit for a wedding and you don't have any idea where to buy them, or what kind of dress or suit you need, you still list this errand because the wedding is in 10 days. Then you start a process of research, and I can promise you that you will be helped if you ask for help, and voilà, the dress or suit finds you.
The same will happen with your to-be list. A book, a coach, a teleseminar, an email, a workshop, a conversation, in meditation, an aha moment going back home... you will receive guidance that will help you be who you want to be. Stay focused, use your list wisely. Become yourself now.
"The essential lesson I have learned in life is to just be yourself. Treasure the magnificent being that you are and recognize first and foremost you are not here as a human being only.
You are a spiritual being having a human experience"
How difficult it is to do nothing. We are so used to going from task to errand, from work to home chores, from `must do things' to `chosen activities', but all is about doing, achieving, accomplishing. Have you ever made an appointment with yourself to do nothing? Do you know how to just be? Maybe you consider life too precious to waste it doing nothing, but let me remind you that doing is not living.
Being allows you to connect with the world, to re-connect with yourself, to feel alive, to charge batteries, to pause and rethink, to reconsider, or to observe with perspective. Nothing has to be done to achieve all these things. You only need to allow them to happen. By taking a pause from your daily activities, you will send a note to your higher self, saying that you are available, and it will start talking to you.
You will only be able to listen to the wisdom of your heart doing nothing, in silence, still, in meditation or a meditative state... when you pause. This voice whispers, and it talks in so many different ways to you. For a lot of people, being in silence seems to be as difficult as doing nothing. We feel uncomfortable in the presence of silence. We feel an immediate need to fill it with any word, even if it is not important.
The problem we have is that in silence and doing nothing, we have to listen to our inner voice. Unless you have cultivated a good relationship with yourself, this voice is usually very critical, judgmental, and not compassionate. It does not forget any of your mistakes or faults, and does not hesitate to remind you of all that is not working in your life.
The real reason we don't spend more time in silence, relaxing, being present in our lives is that we want to distract ourselves. We multitask, we live in several places at the same time. We spend more time looking at what others do or say in the media, or social media, than looking at ourselves and our lives.
To do inner work is not really an option if you want to grow in happiness, Love, and abundance. Let me tell you the secret of success in life: Love yourself and others passionately, unconditionally, without limits. Love is the key to your happiness and success and will allow you to enjoy the most wonderful life you can ever imagine, and the way to self-Love begins in silently and gently listening to yourself, doing nothing. I Love You!
"Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.