Nowadays a lot of us around the world may feel insecurity, uncertainty, or frustration with the events we are living, and this is testing our resilience. Reality is different, our world is not the same. This is the moment when you will discover if you can easily adjust to change.
Resilience is accepting your reality and trying to make the best out of it. It is about your capacity to adapt and your resourcefulness. It is about cultivating your capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. I believe you have all of these in yourself, that you are resilient.
Connect with your strength. Walk side to side with fear. You may feel not capable, but I can assure you that you can go through this and much more, and that you will overcome whatever you fear right now. You don’t need to have everything figured out or to be fearless, to find the courage within yourself. You should connect with the inner resources that you have, that are dormant until you really need them. You have gone through other difficult moments and crisis, and here you are. You will survive!
You have an inner coach, a wise advisor inside of yourself. A part of you that is there, ready to lift you up and help you rise. A side that you may not have discovered yet if you haven’t been in serious difficulties before. If you look within, you will discover that inside of you there lives a resilient genius, that shows up to help you when you need it the most, that can offer you perspective, solutions, and connects you with the necessary self-confidence to face adversity. This inner coach is connected to the unlimited resources that the Universe can provide you, if you ask for them and allow yourself to receive.
Resilience is not about being tough, wearing an armor, and acting like a warrior. Don’t be afraid of showing vulnerability. Your strength also resides in your capability to ask for help, to surrender to the circumstances, and to trust that you will be guided, step by step, to the best possible outcome.
You don’t need to be a hero, you just need to know that there is a power within you that will never abandon you, no matter what is happening, and will allow you to persevere and endure in spite of the obstacles. This power that will support you is connected to the higher realms where all the information, guidance, and help you need, is available.
Life is full of challenges, but they are not problems or misfortunes, they offer you the opportunity to evolve, change, and improve yourself by developing new resources. If you remain focused, aware, and calm, you will be able to keep control in any situation, because you will realize that you can only control yourself, not the circumstances around you.
If you want to be more resilient, practice looking at yourself mindfully, observing your thoughts and emotional reactions, and what is happening around you that you might be absorbing. Changing the perspective around a situation, not labeling it, and not fighting with it, changes your reality.
Sometimes what you need is to let go, to release, to take a deep breath and to tell yourself: “It is going to be ok.” Once you are able to feel this in your heart, things start happening, suddenly all looks totally different, and you connect with life again, and feel powerful enough to go through whatever you need to go.
"Like tiny seeds with potent power to push through tough ground and become mighty trees,
we hold innate reserves of unimaginable strength. We are resilient"
We spend so much time fighting reality, talking about it, and criticizing it when we do not like it. There is not only one reality, there are many, as many as people in the world. We see reality as we are, not as it is. We look at the world through our senses, values, philosophy of life, culture, upbringing, education… We judge our life and decide whether it is good or bad.
The truth is that we cannot change the reality that others see, we can only change ourselves and our approach to what we experience and witness. If instead of trying to avoid what is happening we learn how to be with it, how to accept what is happening without losing our balance and alignment, we will gain a lot of wellbeing and joy.
It is difficult to be present and aware when you face a reality that scares you, that you cannot control, that is uncertain. I know. But I am sure you can find the strength within yourself to face it as it is. You are more resilient than you imagine. You can feel and be vulnerable. Never ignore your feelings, because they will offer you the necessary information to be able to do what is best for you.
Investing more energy fighting with life or worrying about it will not solve anything, just the opposite. All the energy you have should be devoted to seeking solutions, not to look at the problems. Go within and you will find clarity. Do nothing and you will create space to receive guidance. Relax and rest and you will have more energy to face anything life sends your way.
Reality is not good or bad, it just is. You cannot run away from it. But you can invest in creating a new reality; one you like, one that is peaceful, loving, and where good things happen. This reality starts with you. You can plant the seeds of the reality you want to live in and see it blossom. You will do it with your daily behavior, with your example, with your good intentions and acts of Love, with your authenticity and your desire to create a better life for everyone, not only for you.
There is always something good to appreciate, even in a life that you don’t like. The world is full of wonders and beautiful things that are not perceived because maybe we pay more attention to the negative things that we experience. Appreciate those things that are important for you, those that you don’t want to lose, and be grateful for them. Focus all your attention on what matters, because this is the way you create a new reality. With the power of your intention and Love.
"Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and
emotion will one day become a reality"
It seems normal to be looking for potential danger and avoiding risks, and it is a survival mechanism that we all have installed in our systems, but it is not all that great if you want to have a joyful life. It is so easy to see what is lacking, to see what you don’t have, or to focus on what is waiting to be solved, that you may forget to focus on what works and on what you have right now.
When your mind is busy looking for solutions to existent (and inexistent) problems, and always focusing on what can go wrong, you energetically live in a world of difficulties and negativity, always having to solve something and unable to relax and enjoy the present moment.
Reality shows us that we can find many problems every day to keep us terribly busy. But how you look at your problems determines your ability to overcome them. Are your problems obstacles, challenges, opportunities to grow, situations that will pass, or something you will be helped with or guided to resolve? Do you feel you have the power to overcome them?
One of the things that will help you to feel more confident and to find the strength you need to overcome any situation in life, is to focus on what is working, in the positive, in what you have in your life. Reflect on all those great things you don’t value or even notice.
Appreciate what you have, not only in the material world, like a safe place to live in, but also the Love and the good things you receive every day. The sunrise, the trees, the breeze in your face, the song of a bird, a nice view or landscape, a good meal, the way your pet shows you Love, the hug or the smile of a loved one… Don’t wait until you lose something to see how important it was. Value and enjoy every bit of life.
In the middle of the chaos, illness, fear, and crisis, realize that you are alive (if you are reading this), and that this is a wonderful thing to celebrate. While there is life there is hope. You may feel down, or maybe you are in a difficult situation, but you won’t solve this by obsessively thinking about it.
The solution can be a shift in your perspective of life and in your openness to the opportunities it can bring you. When you disconnect from the problems, you can find a solution, for instance in the morning after a good night of sleep. When you are relaxed and still, you can receive the information you need. When you let go of stress and stop living in survival mode, you can see things differently and create something new.
Count your blessings, and be grateful for them. See what is working in your life and appreciate it daily. You will bring more of it into your existence. Rely on the Universe, and its immense power to support you. And learn how to use the great power your mind has to configure your reality. Create a world where there is goodness, kindness, generosity, understanding, forgiveness, and Love, starting with Love for yourself. It is your world, a world of your design, you have to live in it, and you can invite others to join you there.
"A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances
instead of your circumstances having power over you"
You have dreams, desires, things you want to do, to resolve, or to achieve. You want to fulfill all of it, but sometimes when you think about taking action, it may feel like hiking to the top of a mountain. Thoughts such as ‘I am not capable’, ‘I don’t know how to do it’, or ‘it will take a long time or too much effort’, take you further and further away from your goals. But when you take action, things become easier and happen faster than you imagine, and you realize that the process was more challenging in your imagination than in reality.
Why then you do not do what you want to do or procrastinate? One of the reasons for not achieving your goals is the lack of clarity. You may think that you need to figure out the whole thing by yourself before even starting to take a baby step, but the most important thing is to start moving. Clarity may arrive while you move towards your objective when you have taken certain steps.
It is important to know how to deal with uncertainty without feeling stuck. It is ok not to know at the moment how things will unfold, or what the steps are, but this should not be a reason to keep yourself in the same place and not to move forward. The unknown may reserve for you great things and unexpected gifts that you will only receive when you start your journey.
It is difficult to make things happen if you don’t put all your attention and intention on them. Maybe you experience an inner conflict; you want to do something and you do not want to do it at the same time. There is a part of you that wants to and another part that holds you back, finding reasons why you should give up, even before you start. This is the perfect soil for self-doubt. It creates suffering to have ideas and not to put them into practice. Fear does this to you. It paralyzes you and creates difficulties even before you start, but you know what? You are more powerful than your fear!
You need to be kind with yourself and do some inner research about the reasons why you stop yourself from doing something you want to do which is important for you. You may feel unprepared, that it is too risky, or that it is not the right moment to take action. Whatever the thoughts are that hold you back, you better identify and challenge each one of them. At least you will resolve the conflict within yourself, and figure out if you are creating a list of good excuses for not taking action, or what you need to resolve in order to start moving ahead.
Lack of time or resources are the most used reasons for not taking any action. Sometimes they are real, and there is nothing you can do except wait until the right time arrives. But in so many cases, what you need is what I have mentioned above. Take some action, find out information, and start putting all your energy into it. Let go of the self-doubt and lack of clarity, and connect with your inner confidence. If the desire is within you, if the idea came through you, there must be a reason.
Find out how you can transform this idea, project, or change in your life into a reality. Think about how you can do it, and let go of what stops you. Discover your strengths and capabilities to do it. Allow yourself to be helped. Be open and ready because help can come in unexpected ways. Trust that you are not alone and that you are always guided.
The Love for yourself, for your life, and for what you want to do, will allow you to transform challenges into learning experiences that will help you to continue your journey. The further you go, the more confident you will feel about yourself and what you want. Take the first step, whatever it is, and ask for guidance. Take one more, and see how you feel. Before you realize it, you will be at the top of the mountain, and it does not matter what you have achieved, what is important is that you did it.
"The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something"
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
New, fresh, start, beginning! Each moment of every day offers you an opportunity to start a new life. A lot of people tend to think that January 1st, the beginning of the month, or next Monday, are perfect dates to take action and change their life, set up new goals, or decide to stop doing something they believe is not good for them. I suggest you don’t wait anymore. Whatever you want to do or change, now is the moment.
Don’t follow old strategies in order to transform your life. Find new ways and motivation inside yourself, improve your life because you deserve it. Do it for you! In order to change you invest energy on what you have decided you should do, or stop doing, from now on. Maybe it’s dealing with your weight, health issues, finances... all of these are just different objectives, but what you will experience while you try to live in a different way will be similar.
You want to do it, you start focusing on the new goal, inner motivation pushes you for the first days or weeks, and then, inadvertently, you lose the energy you started the process with. Life happens and you cannot find the time, you get caught up in something, you have more work than usual, you experience challenges at home... and your non-achieved goal, whatever it was, realistic or not, big or small, achievable or a pipe-dream, goes to the list of things that you tried but didn’t happen.
Now you have a new problem: you feel that you have failed yourself. You haven’t solved what you wanted or you haven’t achieved your goal, your life is still the same, nothing has changed. In this moment of realization, lots of feelings can appear, like frustration, anger, sadness… but you need to be kind and compassionate with yourself and apply a little bit of self-forgiveness.
You did what you could. You have your list of good reasons why you couldn’t do it: a lack of energy, it wasn’t the right moment to initiate the change… it doesn’t matter what happened. Let it go! You tried, and it is the important. Doing your best is enough but, if you decide to focus on the same goal again, you should find a new way to achieve it. Think differently, open yourself to new ideas or methods.
Ask yourself practical questions. Can you find help from experts in the field, maybe through books, videos, podcasts, classes, or online learning? Can you plan differently? Should you hire a coach who will take you by the hand and accompany you throughout your process? Do you need someone who will keep you accountable? Can you learn how to be more persistent and not give up? How can you avoid getting distracted from your goal? Where can you find new tools to change more easily?
What you really need is a radical shift in perspective. Love yourself enough to choose a way of living that includes what is important for you. You can live worried about what is not working or lacking in your life, in a constant state of tension and stress, or... not. Learn how to dedicate yourself to what you desire. Take action today!
Real change comes from within, don't try to change only the external circumstances of your life. Start spending time in your own company, learn to be consciously present, know yourself better. Find a space within you where you can relax, where the outer world doesn’t affect you and you can be still, at peace, and charge batteries.
Do some inner work. Spend time with yourself and connect with who you are in essence, and immediately you will reconnect with the entire Universe, with whom you are one. Inspiration, new ideas, and the necessary energy to create a new life will arrive to you while you are in this state of being.
Use mindfulness, journaling, meditation, walking in nature, looking at the stars, or whatever works for you. What matters is not the technique or tool you use, but the understanding that beyond the one who thinks, acts, judges and worries, there is a much more powerful being that can flow with life.
Living in a state of flow is the secret of happiness. You cannot change reality, but you can flow with it. You can look at it differently, you can have a different understanding, or experience it in another way. This will transform you and your life radically. This is a new way of living.
"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change"
Barbara De Angelis
It is important to have your own ideas. From time to time take a look at your way of thinking about life and see if there is anything you need to adjust, change, or let go of. It is incredibly useful to review one's belief system. You'd be surprised about how many ideas you hold that are not yours, maybe never were in the first place, or have been planted by others, media, or the culture you live in.
Nothing is true or false, good or bad, it depends on the interpretation you give to the fact or experience. Some people may think that the best possible day is a sunny day, and that's it. This is what I think, I don't like rainy days. But others, for example, farmers, or people who live in dry areas and haven't seen rain for a while, may think that the best possible thing is a rainy day. It all depends.
Religions, political parties, countries, parents and family members, schools, institutions… want to tell you that they know what is best, what the truth is, what you should think and how to act in consequence. But I invite you to learn to think for yourself. It is never late to do it, no matter how old you are.
Do your own research, don't accept any truth or description of facts. Go through life with the mind of a detective and a journalist simultaneously, and find your own explanation for the world, and how life should be lived.
Just because something has been done for decades or millennia does not mean it cannot be changed. The fact that millions of people think one way doesn't mean that many other millions cannot think in a different way. Your freedom of speech, of thought, of behavior, can only exist if you find out what your own opinion is, by yourself.
Still nowadays, if a product has in its pack “as seen on TV” it sells more. We hold opinions about what to appear on TV means, what to be famous means, what to have power means, what to have money means… What are your opinions, beliefs, thoughts, and ideas about life?
Since you were a child, you have been indoctrinated by many authority figures, you have learned from their lives and their experiences. Maybe it is time to release some limiting beliefs, fears, undeserving ideas, and those ways of thinking about yourself and your life that are holding you back. You can be free, free of a way of thinking that hurts you and doesn't support you.
I would like you to allow yourself to think that life can be wonderful and that you are unique. I wish you to see your own magnificence. I desire that you understand that your life has a purpose, and it is to be happier every day. I would like you to look at what you can do for yourself, that you lead your life instead of being a follower of others’ ideas. You matter, you can do it, and you will if you think you can. Let go of some unnecessary baggage and free your mind!
"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud"
You may believe you were born to do important things with your life. It is true. You have unlimited possibilities and it is never too late to create, learn, or do new things. But the most important reason why you were born was to live your life to the fullest, the only thing that only you can do. You are alive to become yourself, to be just you.
I am writing this blog on a plane that is taking me from Miami to New York, and I discovered myself making my to-do list of pending work and errands. Now all is written in the notes of my phone, technology has simplified my life. I can remember what I must do, I have a good memory and a real agenda on paper, but lists help me focus and prioritize. What I realized is that the most important things are not in my to-do lists.
Have you ever created a to-be list? If not, do it for fun. It is the most amazing contribution to your life that you can give yourself. After creating your to-be list don’t get sad or frustrated if you realize that you have forgotten your dreams, that you have self-sacrificed too much, that you haven’t loved enough, or that you are living a life that is not true to your values. These things happen to all of us human beings.
What do you want to be? Who do you want to become? Asking yourself these questions will help you create a true to-be list. I will share the two most important items on my to-be list to give you an example.
I want to be loving towards myself and others.
I want to be kind with everyone and everything.
I want to become more loving and kinder. I am, I should say, achieving it through my daily decisions, actions, and attitude towards myself and others.
It shouldn’t require more than five minutes to create a to-be list. Write 2 to 5 statements you want to live by. Don’t make it too long. Look at your list through the day. You can read the list slowly to feel and embody every aspect of it, or to remind yourself of your commitment.
Include in your list only the items you want to focus on. If it was a to-do list you would list those urgent matters or errands you must do first, not your goals for three or six months, or one year ahead. What you include in your to-be list should be the aspects you as a being would like to be living by right now. Do you want to be kind, empowering, trusting...? What do you really want?
Don’t avoid writing certain items in your to-be list because you have no idea how you will accomplish them. When your to-do list includes finding a dress or a suit for a wedding and you don't have any idea where to buy them, or what kind of dress or suit you need, you still list this errand because the wedding is in 10 days. Then you start a process of research, and I can promise you that you will be helped if you ask for help, and voilà, the dress or suit finds you.
The same will happen with your to-be list. A book, a coach, a teleseminar, an email, a workshop, a conversation, in meditation, an aha moment going back home... you will receive guidance that will help you be who you want to be. Stay focused, use your list wisely. Become yourself now.
"The essential lesson I have learned in life is to just be yourself. Treasure the magnificent being that you are and recognize first and foremost you are not here as a human being only.
You are a spiritual being having a human experience"
Life can be hard at times, unwanted events may happen to you, you may experience difficulties in your relationships and with loved ones, health or financial challenges may appear unexpectedly. These events are what we call life.
But they will be memories one day. Memories of how many difficult situations you overcame, of how powerful and resourceful you were, of how successful in going through challenging times you were, of how good things can be found in so-called bad things.
You have lived through a lot of difficult moments, I know. I have, too. You have scars. They have healed, but you have not forgotten the events, the feelings, the facts, the battles you fought. But you should.
Memories are just that, recollections of the moments, of things that don’t belong to your present, to the moment of now, where you have an opportunity to build new and better memories. What if you could look at your past in a different way?
I’ve had so many conversations with clients and people I met about their past. I’ve heard sad stories, difficult childhood moments, details of physical and emotional abuse, bad relationships, terrible divorces, trauma… and so much more. But what I have told everyone who has openened their heart to me is that it doesn't matter what you went through. You cannot change it, and it is for sure part of your story, of who you are, but it shouldn’t determine how you live today, because you are much more than your memories and experiences.
If you must hold onto a memory, it would be better to choose a happy moment, an uplifting one, a moment of achievement, of gratitude and appreciation, of shared Love, of laughter. Everything is stored in your mind, like a giant hard drive. Your mind is not very different from a computer, but it has something very powerful and important that your computer’s software does not include: Imagination!
You can build your life with the power to create from your imagination. There is no need to live in the past if you can live a reality that you can create. Believe me, it is possible. The only problem is that maybe you don’t know how to use it in your favor, yet.
Imagination needs your collaboration, your clarity, your focus, your intention, your elevated emotions, your fun, your engagement, your enjoyment. You need to Love the process of creation of your life and to stop living by the old programming that you (or someone else) installed in your mind’s computer.
What if the life you want exists in a pattern of possibilities called future? What if the future is not as far away as you imagine? What if your imagination is a much more powerful tool for creation than the memories of your past that keep you stuck? What if with a bit of guidance you, and only you, can create the memories of the future you want to live? Give it a try.
I know what you are thinking right now. I can even see your face while you read these lines. Yes, sure, Judith, it sounds like a good idea, but how do I do it? To start, write a list of all the good reasons you give to yourself to continue living the same way, your excuses for not changing what you don’t want in your life, or whatever doesn’t work, and your fears of failure, or of not being good enough. Take the list and make a conscious decision, a commitment with yourself, to overcome the written items, one by one. Do it right now!
I know what you are feeling and thinking because I went through it. Your mind can create powerful statements such as: it is not for me (this means “I don’t deserve it”), it is too late, (“I am too old to change”), this will change (“time solves everything”), I will do it (“tomorrow always seems a better day to start”), this is the life I have (“I don’t have the need to change”), this is what I can do (“I don’t have power”), I don’t have a choice and I have to keep going (“I am very responsible and I need to sacrifice myself and my life”), I don’t know what I want (“I prefer not to think about these things”)…
When you make your own list, you will see that all the sentences you say to yourself can be grouped in some categories: fear of the unknown, lack of Love for yourself, or procrastination and self-sabotage. Just answer yourself one question: until when are you going to live in the world of past memories and experiences? Maybe is time for a new present and future, don’t you think? Take action.
"To design the future effectively, you must first let go of your past"
Charles J. Givens
Do it slowly, do it gently, do it with Love. Whatever you do, do it because you want to, with all your energy, with passion, with commitment. When you really want to accomplish something, you don’t even need to set up a goal. Your energy shows up and things happen. It becomes real. Yet there are things that are difficult for each of us, that we want to change, but we cannot because the effort that it’d take feels like having to climb a mountain.
Take action and make changes because you want to, because you choose to, not because you believe you have to. Find the motivation within yourself. The Love for yourself is the energy that will allow you to introduce any change in your life or to achieve anything you set your mind to. There is no more powerful reason than that to find the strength to change those things that are not working in your life, or to start treating yourself with more care to become happier and healthier.
It would be easier to introduce new things in your life if you had a clear idea of what you wanted to accomplish in your life. See the big picture. What are you looking for? What do you really desire? What will make you happier and fulfilled? More energy, more balance, more fun, more health, more abundance, a relationship? You can divide your goal into different actions you can take, and just start, slowly but surely. Take one action after another, without looking much further into the future.
When you want to change something, every baby step counts. You want to write a book, then write at least a couple of pages each day. You want to exercise, realize that you need to create the habit and that one day in the gym is better than none. You want to eat a healthy diet, then maybe just looking at the menus you may like and buying groceries is a good first step. Take the first small step and the rest will follow. Find a way that works for you.
We tend to put so much pressure on ourselves. Whatever you commit to has to be realistic and achievable. Don’t make the challenge too big. Don’t try to do everything at the same time. Introduce small changes and when they become a routine in your life, then go for your next goal. Maybe you have tried to accomplish this before and you didn’t succeed. But the fact that you didn’t achieve it in the past doesn’t mean that you cannot do it today. Ask for help if you need it. Find a support group, do it with a friend, or hire a coach. You don’t have to do it alone.
Don’t focus on what you don’t want to do. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you are ready. First, find the strength you need and make yourself ready! Stop setting up the same goals and abandoning those days or weeks later. Just make a commitment with yourself to change something and go for it. It can be something small but important, and when you accomplish it you will feel more empowered and on control of your life. You are more powerful than you imagine!
"I started reading about people of great accomplishment... and it dawned on me suddenly that
the person who has the most to do with what happens in your life is you"
Life is not static, it is constant creation. All you desire is already happening somewhere, at this exact moment. You don’t know why this is possible. You cannot understand how you are creating, but it doesn’t matter, it will happen while you keep your desires alive, don’t stand in your own way, and are open to receiving, at any moment.
In some place, there is someone that will Love you the way you are, someone that will treat you like you deserve, someone that will share all his Love with you without asking you for anything in return. The fact that unsuccessful relationships are part of your story, doesn’t mean that the most wonderful Love is not around the corner.
There is the perfect place for you, the house of your dreams exists or is already being built someplace. The place where you belong and that feels like home is waiting for you. You will get there if you allow it to happen. It is not a matter of time, effort, or money; it is a matter of readiness. Your task when faced with anything you desire in life is to make yourself ready to receive it. Don’t sabotage your opportunities.
Your life can change for the better at any moment. You should expect the best because this is what the Universe has in store for you. You deserve it. Can you believe it? Stop thinking about what can go wrong, where can you fail, about the worst case scenario. Don’t judge your life and put yourself down. Don’t put limits on yourself. Don’t say no. Be open to receiving all that can come to you unexpectedly, when you less imagine it, in a way you haven’t experienced before.
Let go of your timing and the life you have planned, and open yourself up to the world of imagination. There is a different way of living and being, and it is simpler than what you may be experiencing now. It is based on being in alignment, on the connection between your thoughts and emotions, your words and your actions.
When you are connected, you feel confident because you know that you are not alone, that you are always guided. You perceive clearly that you are not the creator of your life, that there is a more powerful force, call it what you want, that helps you at any moment if you allow it to happen. You have free will though, and you can always choose how you want to live your life.
Expect the unexpected. Convince yourself that step by step you can build the life you want, that nothing is eternal and that wonderful changes can happen at any moment. Focus your attention and intention in what matters to you, but without putting pressure on yourself.
At all moments there is Love available for you, at all moments, there is hope in front of you, at all moments there is happiness around you. Take what you need and share it. Elevated thoughts, loving thoughts, grateful thoughts, will change your reality at any moment. Life has big surprises and lots of gifts in store for you. Are you ready? They can arrive at any moment.
"There's always going to be the circumstances you can't plan for.
There's always the unexpected relevance and the serendipity"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.