It is important to have your own ideas. From time to time take a look at your way of thinking about life and see if there is anything you need to adjust, change, or let go of. It is incredibly useful to review one's belief system. You'd be surprised about how many ideas you hold that are not yours, maybe never were in the first place, or have been planted by others, media, or the culture you live in.
Nothing is true or false, good or bad, it depends on the interpretation you give to the fact or experience. Some people may think that the best possible day is a sunny day, and that's it. This is what I think, I don't like rainy days. But others, for example, farmers, or people who live in dry areas and haven't seen rain for a while, may think that the best possible thing is a rainy day. It all depends.
Religions, political parties, countries, parents and family members, schools, institutions… want to tell you that they know what is best, what the truth is, what you should think and how to act in consequence. But I invite you to learn to think for yourself. It is never late to do it, no matter how old you are.
Do your own research, don't accept any truth or description of facts. Go through life with the mind of a detective and a journalist simultaneously, and find your own explanation for the world, and how life should be lived.
Just because something has been done for decades or millennia does not mean it cannot be changed. The fact that millions of people think one way doesn't mean that many other millions cannot think in a different way. Your freedom of speech, of thought, of behavior, can only exist if you find out what your own opinion is, by yourself.
Still nowadays, if a product has in its pack “as seen on TV” it sells more. We hold opinions about what to appear on TV means, what to be famous means, what to have power means, what to have money means… What are your opinions, beliefs, thoughts, and ideas about life?
Since you were a child, you have been indoctrinated by many authority figures, you have learned from their lives and their experiences. Maybe it is time to release some limiting beliefs, fears, undeserving ideas, and those ways of thinking about yourself and your life that are holding you back. You can be free, free of a way of thinking that hurts you and doesn't support you.
I would like you to allow yourself to think that life can be wonderful and that you are unique. I wish you to see your own magnificence. I desire that you understand that your life has a purpose, and it is to be happier every day. I would like you to look at what you can do for yourself, that you lead your life instead of being a follower of others’ ideas. You matter, you can do it, and you will if you think you can. Let go of some unnecessary baggage and free your mind!
"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud"
You may believe you were born to do important things with your life. It is true. You have unlimited possibilities and it is never too late to create, learn, or do new things. But the most important reason why you were born was to live your life to the fullest, the only thing that only you can do. You are alive to become yourself, to be just you.
I am writing this blog on a plane that is taking me from Miami to New York, and I discovered myself making my to-do list of pending work and errands. Now all is written in the notes of my phone, technology has simplified my life. I can remember what I must do, I have a good memory and a real agenda on paper, but lists help me focus and prioritize. What I realized is that the most important things are not in my to-do lists.
Have you ever created a to-be list? If not, do it for fun. It is the most amazing contribution to your life that you can give yourself. After creating your to-be list don’t get sad or frustrated if you realize that you have forgotten your dreams, that you have self-sacrificed too much, that you haven’t loved enough, or that you are living a life that is not true to your values. These things happen to all of us human beings.
What do you want to be? Who do you want to become? Asking yourself these questions will help you create a true to-be list. I will share the two most important items on my to-be list to give you an example.
I want to be loving towards myself and others.
I want to be kind with everyone and everything.
I want to become more loving and kinder. I am, I should say, achieving it through my daily decisions, actions, and attitude towards myself and others.
It shouldn’t require more than five minutes to create a to-be list. Write 2 to 5 statements you want to live by. Don’t make it too long. Look at your list through the day. You can read the list slowly to feel and embody every aspect of it, or to remind yourself of your commitment.
Include in your list only the items you want to focus on. If it was a to-do list you would list those urgent matters or errands you must do first, not your goals for three or six months, or one year ahead. What you include in your to-be list should be the aspects you as a being would like to be living by right now. Do you want to be kind, empowering, trusting...? What do you really want?
Don’t avoid writing certain items in your to-be list because you have no idea how you will accomplish them. When your to-do list includes finding a dress or a suit for a wedding and you don't have any idea where to buy them, or what kind of dress or suit you need, you still list this errand because the wedding is in 10 days. Then you start a process of research, and I can promise you that you will be helped if you ask for help, and voilà, the dress or suit finds you.
The same will happen with your to-be list. A book, a coach, a teleseminar, an email, a workshop, a conversation, in meditation, an aha moment going back home... you will receive guidance that will help you be who you want to be. Stay focused, use your list wisely. Become yourself now.
"The essential lesson I have learned in life is to just be yourself. Treasure the magnificent being that you are and recognize first and foremost you are not here as a human being only.
You are a spiritual being having a human experience"
Life can be hard at times, unwanted events may happen to you, you may experience difficulties in your relationships and with loved ones, health or financial challenges may appear unexpectedly. These events are what we call life.
But they will be memories one day. Memories of how many difficult situations you overcame, of how powerful and resourceful you were, of how successful in going through challenging times you were, of how good things can be found in so-called bad things.
You have lived through a lot of difficult moments, I know. I have, too. You have scars. They have healed, but you have not forgotten the events, the feelings, the facts, the battles you fought. But you should.
Memories are just that, recollections of the moments, of things that don’t belong to your present, to the moment of now, where you have an opportunity to build new and better memories. What if you could look at your past in a different way?
I’ve had so many conversations with clients and people I met about their past. I’ve heard sad stories, difficult childhood moments, details of physical and emotional abuse, bad relationships, terrible divorces, trauma… and so much more. But what I have told everyone who has openened their heart to me is that it doesn't matter what you went through. You cannot change it, and it is for sure part of your story, of who you are, but it shouldn’t determine how you live today, because you are much more than your memories and experiences.
If you must hold onto a memory, it would be better to choose a happy moment, an uplifting one, a moment of achievement, of gratitude and appreciation, of shared Love, of laughter. Everything is stored in your mind, like a giant hard drive. Your mind is not very different from a computer, but it has something very powerful and important that your computer’s software does not include: Imagination!
You can build your life with the power to create from your imagination. There is no need to live in the past if you can live a reality that you can create. Believe me, it is possible. The only problem is that maybe you don’t know how to use it in your favor, yet.
Imagination needs your collaboration, your clarity, your focus, your intention, your elevated emotions, your fun, your engagement, your enjoyment. You need to Love the process of creation of your life and to stop living by the old programming that you (or someone else) installed in your mind’s computer.
What if the life you want exists in a pattern of possibilities called future? What if the future is not as far away as you imagine? What if your imagination is a much more powerful tool for creation than the memories of your past that keep you stuck? What if with a bit of guidance you, and only you, can create the memories of the future you want to live? Give it a try.
I know what you are thinking right now. I can even see your face while you read these lines. Yes, sure, Judith, it sounds like a good idea, but how do I do it? To start, write a list of all the good reasons you give to yourself to continue living the same way, your excuses for not changing what you don’t want in your life, or whatever doesn’t work, and your fears of failure, or of not being good enough. Take the list and make a conscious decision, a commitment with yourself, to overcome the written items, one by one. Do it right now!
I know what you are feeling and thinking because I went through it. Your mind can create powerful statements such as: it is not for me (this means “I don’t deserve it”), it is too late, (“I am too old to change”), this will change (“time solves everything”), I will do it (“tomorrow always seems a better day to start”), this is the life I have (“I don’t have the need to change”), this is what I can do (“I don’t have power”), I don’t have a choice and I have to keep going (“I am very responsible and I need to sacrifice myself and my life”), I don’t know what I want (“I prefer not to think about these things”)…
When you make your own list, you will see that all the sentences you say to yourself can be grouped in some categories: fear of the unknown, lack of Love for yourself, or procrastination and self-sabotage. Just answer yourself one question: until when are you going to live in the world of past memories and experiences? Maybe is time for a new present and future, don’t you think? Take action.
"To design the future effectively, you must first let go of your past"
Charles J. Givens
Do it slowly, do it gently, do it with Love. Whatever you do, do it because you want to, with all your energy, with passion, with commitment. When you really want to accomplish something, you don’t even need to set up a goal. Your energy shows up and things happen. It becomes real. Yet there are things that are difficult for each of us, that we want to change, but we cannot because the effort that it’d take feels like having to climb a mountain.
Take action and make changes because you want to, because you choose to, not because you believe you have to. Find the motivation within yourself. The Love for yourself is the energy that will allow you to introduce any change in your life or to achieve anything you set your mind to. There is no more powerful reason than that to find the strength to change those things that are not working in your life, or to start treating yourself with more care to become happier and healthier.
It would be easier to introduce new things in your life if you had a clear idea of what you wanted to accomplish in your life. See the big picture. What are you looking for? What do you really desire? What will make you happier and fulfilled? More energy, more balance, more fun, more health, more abundance, a relationship? You can divide your goal into different actions you can take, and just start, slowly but surely. Take one action after another, without looking much further into the future.
When you want to change something, every baby step counts. You want to write a book, then write at least a couple of pages each day. You want to exercise, realize that you need to create the habit and that one day in the gym is better than none. You want to eat a healthy diet, then maybe just looking at the menus you may like and buying groceries is a good first step. Take the first small step and the rest will follow. Find a way that works for you.
We tend to put so much pressure on ourselves. Whatever you commit to has to be realistic and achievable. Don’t make the challenge too big. Don’t try to do everything at the same time. Introduce small changes and when they become a routine in your life, then go for your next goal. Maybe you have tried to accomplish this before and you didn’t succeed. But the fact that you didn’t achieve it in the past doesn’t mean that you cannot do it today. Ask for help if you need it. Find a support group, do it with a friend, or hire a coach. You don’t have to do it alone.
Don’t focus on what you don’t want to do. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you are ready. First, find the strength you need and make yourself ready! Stop setting up the same goals and abandoning those days or weeks later. Just make a commitment with yourself to change something and go for it. It can be something small but important, and when you accomplish it you will feel more empowered and on control of your life. You are more powerful than you imagine!
"I started reading about people of great accomplishment... and it dawned on me suddenly that
the person who has the most to do with what happens in your life is you"
Life is not static, it is constant creation. All you desire is already happening somewhere, at this exact moment. You don’t know why this is possible. You cannot understand how you are creating, but it doesn’t matter, it will happen while you keep your desires alive, don’t stand in your own way, and are open to receiving, at any moment.
In some place, there is someone that will Love you the way you are, someone that will treat you like you deserve, someone that will share all his Love with you without asking you for anything in return. The fact that unsuccessful relationships are part of your story, doesn’t mean that the most wonderful Love is not around the corner.
There is the perfect place for you, the house of your dreams exists or is already being built someplace. The place where you belong and that feels like home is waiting for you. You will get there if you allow it to happen. It is not a matter of time, effort, or money; it is a matter of readiness. Your task when faced with anything you desire in life is to make yourself ready to receive it. Don’t sabotage your opportunities.
Your life can change for the better at any moment. You should expect the best because this is what the Universe has in store for you. You deserve it. Can you believe it? Stop thinking about what can go wrong, where can you fail, about the worst case scenario. Don’t judge your life and put yourself down. Don’t put limits on yourself. Don’t say no. Be open to receiving all that can come to you unexpectedly, when you less imagine it, in a way you haven’t experienced before.
Let go of your timing and the life you have planned, and open yourself up to the world of imagination. There is a different way of living and being, and it is simpler than what you may be experiencing now. It is based on being in alignment, on the connection between your thoughts and emotions, your words and your actions.
When you are connected, you feel confident because you know that you are not alone, that you are always guided. You perceive clearly that you are not the creator of your life, that there is a more powerful force, call it what you want, that helps you at any moment if you allow it to happen. You have free will though, and you can always choose how you want to live your life.
Expect the unexpected. Convince yourself that step by step you can build the life you want, that nothing is eternal and that wonderful changes can happen at any moment. Focus your attention and intention in what matters to you, but without putting pressure on yourself.
At all moments there is Love available for you, at all moments, there is hope in front of you, at all moments there is happiness around you. Take what you need and share it. Elevated thoughts, loving thoughts, grateful thoughts, will change your reality at any moment. Life has big surprises and lots of gifts in store for you. Are you ready? They can arrive at any moment.
"There's always going to be the circumstances you can't plan for.
There's always the unexpected relevance and the serendipity"
You are the only one that can live your life, the one that can take responsibility for what is going on, and the one that has the power to transform yourself and your life. You are more powerful than you think you are.
We tend to go through life looking at how the world affects us and putting limits on ourselves. We analyze how others behave towards us, thinking that they have the power to hurt us. We complain about our family, spouse, friends, colleagues, or boss. Everyone seems to be the cause of our pain and dissatisfaction when we think about it, or we complain to others about what we are experiencing.
You are the only one that can change these circumstances. You can change any circumstance with the power of your own Love, Self-Love. For example, when in a relationship someone disrespects and mistreats you, they are not the only ones that should change their behavior. You need to change too. Maybe you need to learn to say no to certain things, to respect yourself, or to set boundaries.
Don't wait until others change, do it yourself. Once you do it, this person that you think that is causing your pain won't be in your life anymore. Things will change unexpectedly, or you will abandon this kind of relationship knowing that you deserve a loving partnership, and that by staying in this relationship, you are hurting yourself. If you change the way you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you, as a consequence, those around you will change too.
When you self-sacrifice in order to take care of your family or children, for example, and you don't feel well because you are exhausted and totally depleted, and you feel that you don't have a life anymore, you are hurting yourself. There is a way to change your life circumstances, but maybe not the way you have thought about. There is a way to ask for help, real help, from those who Love you, and also help from the Universe.
Think about a typical situation where you have too much to do at home. You can ask your partner to be more involved and help you, or you can ask the Universe to bring you the money you need to be able to pay for a cleaning lady, or for a nanny. That will allow you to rethink your schedule, or work from home, or part-time, to be able to take care of yourself and your family with energy, passion, and also feel well in the bargain. Only you can create these possibilities.
When the abundance is not there, and you feel that you are limited because without it, you cannot do what you want, only you can solve it. By loving yourself more, your energy will be better, your vibration higher, your creativity and inspiration larger, and you will feel more connected with yourself, others and the Universe, seeing more solutions and opportunities.
This shift will allow you to receive what you feel you deserve, to open the doors of your heart, and to share all the Love you have, and this will bring more Love into your life. This will improve not only your relationships, but every area of your life, and you will see abundance enter your life, that people around you are happier, that life becomes less a struggle and more a dance with the Universe, and then you will understand the magic of life. You can shift now, do it!
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the season, or the wind,
but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of"
Is your reality far away from what you really want? When did you stop going after your dreams? When did you give up on your hopes? If you are not living the life you want, take some time to reflect on what is important for you and invest all your energy on it. Everything is possible if you believe it is. Allow the Universe to help and guide you to achieve what you desire and is best for you.
Maybe you had lots of dreams, and imagined a great life when you were young. Then life happened, and things did not turn out the way you expected. You are not in your twenties anymore, and you give a thought to your abandoned dreams and hopes from time to time, but you usually think that it is too late to make them happen; but it is not.
Let me assure you that there is no excuse for not doing what you want, what makes you happy, alive, fulfilled and passionate. You should not allow yourself to live an unfulfilled life, a life without joy and purpose. Don't focus your attention on what is not working the way you want, invest all your energy and attention on what is important for you.
Every minute counts. Don't wait any longer. Figure out what is the most important thing in your life right now and go for it. Don't procrastinate your happiness. Don't postpone what makes you feel alive. It does not make sense. The reason why you are on Earth is to figure out what makes you happy and do it. Contribute to everyone's happiness. Happiness is contagious.
There is nothing more important than you, absolutely nothing. Your health, your wealth, your relationships, your career... your life, depend on understanding that you have to invest time and energy in finding out what is important for you, and in finding the way to enjoy it.
It does not matter what you want for yourself and your life. You can have it all, but you have to believe that it is possible. This is the obstacle that most of us encounter in the path to manifesting our desires. We feel that we don't deserve the experiences, the Love, the money, the health, the job... that we want so madly. If you want, really want, to achieve something in your life, stop working hard toward it, believe that it is already yours, that you can have it.
Invest time in figuring out what you are doing that is not working, what is not allowing you to have it, what is holding you back. Understand what is important for you and why it's not arriving to you easily and smoothly. When you discover what the cause is, and how you sabotage your own efforts, consciously or unconsciously, you will be able to change it, and ready to receive all you deserve.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover"
You are worthy of everything, you only need to believe it. Your world will transform if you realize that your worthiness is not something you have to earn, it is your birthright. Only if you Love yourself enough, you will see your own value. Others cannot recognize your worth, or give it to you, unless you establish it first.
The key to create the life you desire is not to go after it and work even harder to get your goals. It is to change the way you feel about yourself and your life. Your worthiness doesn't come from what others think of you, it is based on the opinion you have about yourself. Love yourself no matter what, see how amazing you are, believe in yourself, and expect the best coming to you.
You are worthy of a wonderful relationship where you can share your Love with someone you deeply Love, who values you for who you are and accepts you unconditionally. You can have an amazing bond of true Love that will enhance your life beyond measure. You deserve the best partner, your Soul Mate if it is what you want.
You can share your life with someone for whom you are a priority, a partner with whom you will build a life full of happiness and fulfillment. Never stop believing in Love. Become the kind of person you want to share your life with, then the perfect partner will find you. This kind of Love is real and it is waiting for you. Don't remain in a relationship if you are not receiving the Love that you deserve.
See yourself as worthy of abundance. You deserve it. Allow yourself to experience abundance in all ways. Abundance is already within you. We go after the abundance thinking that it is around us and we need to attract it, but you will be in abundance only if you allow yourself to be it. When you don't believe that you can get a certain amount of money as a salary or benefit, a certain style of life, or partner, you make an agreement with yourself to not have access to it. You set a limit in your life saying that any of those things cannot happen to you. Maybe you don't realize that you are sabotaging what you most want in your life, by not allowing yourself to receive it.
There are so many reasons why you might not feel worthy of something or someone. It can be a belief, conscious or unconscious, or an agreement with yourself or others, or even fear with its different faces. Take a look inside of yourself and observe your thoughts. What is limiting you can be something you believe about yourself, something that you learnt from others, or that was said by a person you loved or admired, or maybe something that is no longer true but you still accept it.
What is your opinion about yourself and your life? Ask yourself if your past, your story, or your background is determining your future. Do you believe in dreams? Have you ever allowed yourself to imagine a life different than the one you have? I encourage yourself to do it. You are worthy of everything you allow yourself to have. Reclaim your worthiness!
"Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.