We all want to be recognized, understood, and loved in our close relationships. It is crucial to invest energy in demonstrating to the person you are relating to that you really care about them. The most important gift you can offer a loved one is your undivided attention and a real interest in who they are. Don't take anyone for granted.
You don't need try to guess who the person you Love is in essence, or what is important in their world. Ask questions! Show your interest in discovering their dreams, what they wish and why, what excites and worries them, what makes them feel happy or frustrated. Ask them anything that helps you understand them and their universe; what is the reason they wake up every morning, what they appreciate. Listen carefully to the answers. Be totally there, just listening without reacting, not trying to figure out a response. Just take it in.
Once you have received all that the other person shared with you, you will realize that there were more than words. The body language, the tone of voice, how relaxed the person is, a smile, or the pauses or silence during the conversation, will tell you as much as the words this person chooses. Presence creates a real connection. To build a relationship, and to share, requires time.
Many people are afraid of showing their real selves. They feel that if someone sees them as they are, they will stop loving them. They wear a mask or try to please everyone they are in a relationship with to get the Love they want. It isn't easy to know someone who doesn't want to open up, talk about real feelings or desires, or that is not really connected with themselves.
When you really Love someone, your Love can provide a safe space and encourage this person to step out of their shell and be more authentically themselves. When you Love, do it unconditionally. Love the real person, flaws, stories, and past experiences included. Give the other the opportunity to express who they are.
Being together for a long time doesn't mean that you know a person. Perhaps it is the opposite. Maybe this person has evolved and has changed without you realizing it. Perhaps now you only know the image you have of your loved one. Maybe because you see each other every day or speak regularly, you think you have a good idea about who they are. Or maybe you never arrived at this deep place of sharing your most intimate side.
Building intimacy is an art, and it happens when presence, interest, and time are devoted to another being. If you want to experience true Love, connect from your heart with the one you have chosen to have in your life, this being that you consider special.
When you spend time with someone, share yourself, all of you, be vulnerable and authentic. Allow yourself to be seen. Rediscover each other every moment you spend together as if it were the first time you saw each other, and share your Love. Look into the eyes of the person you Love and tell yourself, "I want to know all about you, to Love you even more. I want to see the depth of your essence."
"The first duty of Love is to listen"
When you relate to others, be sure that you build a relationship that is authentic, no matter if it is with your life-partner, a colleague, a friend, or your children. See the other person as they are, and accept them completely, all of them. Don’t try to change, fix, or tell the other person how they must be to meet your standards.
To have a relationship means to support the other person, to empower them, to be there for them, but also to respect the other person and their decisions, even when you don’t like them. How difficult is to see that someone you Love deeply is stuck, confused, unhappy, or is not making the best decision (in your opinion). It can be hard to support them until they find a way out, a solution, or a new and better path in life. We frequently give unasked advice to others, with our best intentions, and it might not help the other person to move forward or to feel better.
In order to relate authentically with others, you should know who you are. You see the world through your own eyes, and you decode what happens to you influenced by past experiences, your belief system, your childhood, education, and the environment you live in. When you look at someone else, try to be neutral. You may inadvertently judge others, or project into them what you have not solved in your life, haven’t overcome or understood yet, or everything you are not conscious of, because it is suppressed or repressed. We blame others for making us feel a certain way, when they are giving us an opportunity to resolve underlying issues and unconscious patterns, and to heal past wounds that still affect us in the present.
We create relationships that are based on the ideas that we have about what our connection with a person should look like. Maybe we don’t know the real ‘person,’ not because they don’t allow us to do so, but because we don’t see who they really are. Sometimes, we idealize someone and, after the honeymoon period, once we see how the other person really is, we reject them. The other person has not changed, they were always the same. What has changed is only our opinion, and we realize that we were relating to this person through the filter of our own ideas about how the relationship should be.
If you want to really know someone, take your time to be with this person and build the connection; invest in it. Listen to what they say, and look at the way they act. Their behavior may speak louder than their words. When you are together, be one hundred percent present and give this person all your attention. You will perceive a lot more than mere words in a conversation. When you listen, don’t listen to answer, just listen deeply and actively. Make an effort to respond, not to react to what is said. Choose your words carefully and think if what you are going to say just fills the silence, or if it is really meaningful, uplifting, and necessary.
We learn a lot in our relationships. We become better beings in relation to others. We change the lives of those whom we Love. We are transformed by the Love we give and receive. Every relationship should bring out the best of each person (hopefully!), and if this is not the case, it might be teaching you something.
If a relationship you are in is not working, don't only blame the other person, always look at yourself too, and figure out what can you do on your end to improve it, even if it is just to be more loving. Look at what you bring to every one of your relationships, and try to be at your best in every encounter or conversation. Don’t ask for Love, shared it, give it freely and it will return to you multiplied.
"But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between
you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a
moving sea between the shores of your souls"
Love is a state of being. It is not something that comes from the outside. Love is not a feeling, it is who you are. Look deep inside of yourself and you will find it. Love is abundant. It comes from you and it flows outwards to everyone. Love resides in you and it is dormant, waiting until the moment you awaken it within you.
All the Love of the world cannot make you feel loved, if you are not able to Love yourself. You won't be able to recognize true Love coming from others, if you don't feel it coming from yourself. Love yourself simply because you are. You don't need to change or to accomplish anything to Love yourself. You only need to be committed to it.
You are lovable the way you are. Accept yourself, and have the certainty that you don't need to do anything to be loved by others. Don't seek for external approval. You don't need to act in a certain way to receive Love, or to behave like others say, or to please others. Love, true Love, is unconditional. Try to be the best version of yourself, but be always authentic.
Be sure that you live in the world of Love; that Love guides and inspires you; that you act in a Loving way. Love is the energy that makes you feel alive. Love is the solution to any problem. Find the way to share your Love. Tell your loved ones how you much you Love them, and demonstrate it with your actions. Give hugs, smile more frequently, embrace, kiss, share your laughter every time you can, share your joy.
Learn how to Love. Give Love, but don't lose yourself in the process. Learn how to show your affection without the need to control or possess, without expectations, without wanting anything in return, without being afraid of losing your loved one. Love because you want to Love. Enjoy the Love!
“In your heart is all the love you need”
Don Miguel Ruiz
Have you ever asked yourself what do I need to do change my Love life, to have happier and healthier relationships with others? Let me share with you that there is something very important you can do. It is to let go, to release and to forgive. You need to make room for the new to enter into your life, and this is a perfect moment to let go of the old. Let go of the pain, the betrayal, the grievance, the rejection, the abandonment, the loneliness, the sadness, the expectations, the resentment, the anger, the abuse, the arguments, the self-sacrifice, the pleasing others... Choose the words from the list that you can relate with, or make your own list.
We forget, but we don't release or forgive. But let me explain you that everything that you have ever experienced is recorded. You may not be aware, but most of your reactions in life are based in beliefs, ideas or patterns that are not conscious, they were created at one moment in time during your childhood, in the way you were raised, or how you felt at school or with friends, the relationships that you stablished throughout your life, even your relationships at work contributed. All those experiences made you, but they are not who you are. Inside of yourself there is a beautiful being, one that shines with his own light and that is full of Love and ready to share it.
All the experiences that you had around giving and receiving Love may have helped you to believe that Love and relationships are complicated. All the pain you suffered in so many different ways provoked the fear to showing who you really are, to being vulnerable and open to Love and to be loved fully. But there is a different way of Loving. There is a way to get a fresh start and it is to let go of all these experiences. You don't forget, delete or deny them, you just take their power away to continue ruling the way you establish or live your relationships. Remember the good moments, the Love that you felt in so many occasions when you authentically loved and felt loved. Then release, consciously, the pain and other emotions that are sabotaging your present and future relationships.
From now on dedicate some minutes to ask yourself if anything needs to be changed or released. Don't look at others as the source of your pain, look at yourself like the source of every one of your experiences. Know that you have power to transform your Love life, right now. Make yourself ready to let go of the past, forgive those who you think that hurt you, not because of they deserve it, just do it for you. Make yourself free from the past to be able to create a new future. You only need your commitment to decide to release a feeling, to stop holding on a situation, or to forgive yourself. You only need to Love yourself enough to do it. Make your happiness a priority.
Give yourself the opportunity to attract different partners, lovers, friends and colleagues. The kind of people who value you and respect you, who Love you for who you are. You can do it by start recognizing your own value, appreciating it, and learning how to respect yourself. Once you Love yourself no matter what, the people that will be in your life will Love you either. Prepare the way for a new kind of Love by letting go everything that is not serving you, that it is not true, that it is stopping you. Open yourself and your heart to Love. Love is not dangerous, when it is true Love.
"Let today be the day you finally release yourself from the imprisonment of past
grudges and anger. Simplify your life. Let go of the poisonous past and live the
abundantly beautiful present... today"
You are worthy of everything, you only need to believe it. Your world will transform if you realize that your worthiness is not something you have to earn, it is your birthright. Only if you Love yourself enough, you will see your own value. Others cannot recognize your worth, or give it to you, unless you establish it first.
The key to create the life you desire is not to go after it and work even harder to get your goals. It is to change the way you feel about yourself and your life. Your worthiness doesn't come from what others think of you, it is based on the opinion you have about yourself. Love yourself no matter what, see how amazing you are, believe in yourself, and expect the best coming to you.
You are worthy of a wonderful relationship where you can share your Love with someone you deeply Love, who values you for who you are and accepts you unconditionally. You can have an amazing bond of true Love that will enhance your life beyond measure. You deserve the best partner, your Soul Mate if it is what you want.
You can share your life with someone for whom you are a priority, a partner with whom you will build a life full of happiness and fulfillment. Never stop believing in Love. Become the kind of person you want to share your life with, then the perfect partner will find you. This kind of Love is real and it is waiting for you. Don't remain in a relationship if you are not receiving the Love that you deserve.
See yourself as worthy of abundance. You deserve it. Allow yourself to experience abundance in all ways. Abundance is already within you. We go after the abundance thinking that it is around us and we need to attract it, but you will be in abundance only if you allow yourself to be it. When you don't believe that you can get a certain amount of money as a salary or benefit, a certain style of life, or partner, you make an agreement with yourself to not have access to it. You set a limit in your life saying that any of those things cannot happen to you. Maybe you don't realize that you are sabotaging what you most want in your life, by not allowing yourself to receive it.
There are so many reasons why you might not feel worthy of something or someone. It can be a belief, conscious or unconscious, or an agreement with yourself or others, or even fear with its different faces. Take a look inside of yourself and observe your thoughts. What is limiting you can be something you believe about yourself, something that you learnt from others, or that was said by a person you loved or admired, or maybe something that is no longer true but you still accept it.
What is your opinion about yourself and your life? Ask yourself if your past, your story, or your background is determining your future. Do you believe in dreams? Have you ever allowed yourself to imagine a life different than the one you have? I encourage yourself to do it. You are worthy of everything you allow yourself to have. Reclaim your worthiness!
"Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy"
You deserve to enjoy a happy relationship. We all want to experience that magic Love that brings so much happiness, to fall in Love deeply and madly. I am sure you want to share your life with a partner that is there for you, that supports you no matter what, and that helps you to be a better person every day because of the Love you share. But we don't seem to be able to find or to create this happy and healthy Love. What we call Love creates so much suffering and drama, so many power struggles, when what we expect from it is joy and happiness.
Sharing your life with a partner with whom you are connected at a soul level can enrich your life beyond measure, but relationships are never perfect. Relationships are the way we learn how to Love and be loved. Our conscious and unconscious patterns are at play when we interact with our loved ones, and especially when we establish a new relationship. It is important to take a look at our dynamics in relationships and to identify our beliefs and patterns. They are the key. They will keep repeating in relationship after relationship until we heal them. The universe will keep granting us opportunities to learn our lessons until we do.
The secret of success for your relationships is not to find the "right partner"; it is to be the right partner. When you know yourself and invest time and effort in loving yourself unconditionally, your relationships improve unbelievably. If you want to establish a healthy relationship, it has to start with the relationship that you have with yourself. Don't look at others as the guilty ones. Don't project onto others what it is within you. Take responsibility in your relationships. Make them work. Love always finds a way, if it is true Love.
If have suffered for Love, don't give up on Love. True Love doesn't hurt, but relationships may not work. Never forget that you are a complete individual full of Love to share. If you have not found the right partner yet, there can be certain reasons why and one of the most common is that, without you being aware of it, you are not allowing it to happen. What can be holding you back may be a fear of commitment, of suffering again, of being abandoned, the sensation that you are not good enough, or the belief that Love is too complicated... but it is always a story from your past, that is spoiling your present and your future.
If you want to be in a happy and healthy relationship, you need to let go, release, forgive, and heal whatever is not allowing you to Love freely and unconditionally. Give yourself the opportunity to create a different Love story. Stop living again and again the same events with different partners, fighting for the same issues, and being in relationships where what you get is not Love. Love yourself enough to let go of a relationship if someone mistreats you, does not value you, or does not allow you to be yourself. You deserve a partner that encourages you to go after your dreams, and that allows you to be who you are. You deserve the opportunity to do the same for your partner. Learn how to Love yourself and others. It will be the best investment of your life and it will bring you so much joy. Love is who you are.
"The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies,
but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together"
Barbara de Angelis
Love yourself enough to act on your own interest, to make yourself and your happiness a priority. Be your best friend, empower and encourage yourself. Believe in yourself. There is no one like you and there will never be. You have a unique way of being. You are limitless. Rely in your capabilities to create the life you want. You are in the path of Love, to learn how to Love and how to be loved and it all starts with the Love for yourself. Open your heart.
Love yourself enough to stop criticizing and judging yourself whenever things don't go the way you want, of when you feel you failed. Don't go against yourself for any reason or under any circumstance. Learn how to be more compassionate, understanding and kind with yourself, to be able to accept yourself totally. Develop self-forgiveness. Understand that you don't need to be perfect to Love yourself. You deserve your own Love.
Love yourself enough to choose the relationships that exemplify that Love. Learn how to set up boundaries and express your needs. Respect and honor yourself, and ask others to treat you the same way. Love without abandoning yourself in any relationship or stopping being yourself. Never pretend to please others, or lie to be accepted. Know when and how to say no; do it without feeling guilty, as is your right.
Love yourself enough to be authentically you, without any masks. Invest time in knowing yourself and your gifts, and appreciate them. Spend time with yourself. Let go of the expectations of others about your life. Love unconditionally, both yourself and others, not expecting to get anything in return. Learn to Love without a reason. Don't change, adapt excessively, or make yourself small in order to receive Love. You are lovable the way you are.
Love yourself enough to understand that you are never alone because you are always in the best possible company: your own. Understand that the most important relationship that you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. Don't be afraid to lose Love; when you understand that it infuses your very self, and that you can generate it, you share it without limits and it comes back to you.
Love yourself enough to know that with the power of your own Self-Love you can overcome any difficulty or challenge in life. Choose who you want to be. Trust yourself and your decisions. Live your life with passion. Enjoy every moment of it. Explore it. Expand your horizons. Go after your dreams. Never forget your passions. Find the time to be you and to enjoy it. Let the little child that you still have inside of you go out and play. Connect with yourself and dedicate your life to what is really important: Love.
“No matter how much we give Love, if we don’t give it to ourselves
nobody can Love us enough”
All of us have our own idea about what is Love and how we want to be loved. You have your own expectations about how your loved ones have to behave and how they have to demonstrate their Love to you. You may think that Love is conditional and that it depends on what others do or don't do for you, but let me tell you that there is a different kind of Love, true Love.
Let go of your expectations about what your relationships should be and what will you receive. When you Love, give your Love freely, don't expect anything in return. Don't ask for Love, give it and it will come back to you multiplied. You are a source of Love, the Love starts within you, and it is abundant.
Your happiness doesn't depend on the Love you receive from others, it is connected with the way you Love yourself and others. Don't be disappointed because of the behavior of those you Love. Accept them the way they are, don't ask them to change. Don't control them or their Love. Don't measure the quantity of Love you receive, Love others without expecting a determined outcome, just Love, and Love unconditionally.
To be able to Love without conditions and expectations, you need to Love yourself the same way. If you are non-judgmental with yourself, you will be able to be the same way with others. If you can forgive yourself for whatever happens in your life, it will be easier for you to forgive others. You can Love madly, passionately and with all your heart, but you need to start with yourself.
What you miss in a relationship is sometimes what you are not able to give to yourself. If you want more attention, or proofs of Love, ask yourself if you are giving it to yourself. If you cannot trust your partner, think if you are self-confident enough and if you trust yourself. If you are afraid of losing the Love of others, see if there is fear of abandonment in yourself. Sometimes, we ask others to behave in a certain way when we cannot do it, or when there is an unresolved issue that needs our attention.
There are so many ways of relating to one to another. We all seek Love, consciously or unconsciously, but our ideas about what Love is and our expectations can be different. You have learned what Love is through the relationships you have established, from what you watched in the media, what others shared with you, and also from the relationship your parents had between them and with you, and the way you were raised. Your idea about what Love is will also depend on your nature, the way you are, and how much you value and Love yourself. There is one Love, but so many ways of loving. Drop your expectations about how to be loved and about how Love should make you feel. Live your Love!
“True love begins when nothing is looked for in return”
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Do you think that it is hard to find Love? Stop trying to find it and allow Love to find you. It may seem a weird approach. You may be wondering how is going Love to find me if I don’t go after it? Let me tell you the secret: You need to become a Love magnet. Your Soul Mate is out there waiting for you. What you need to do is to prepare yourself for the encounter, and to Love yourself is the key to your success.
When you Love yourself no matter what, you have certain qualities that make you magnetic. Love is a powerful energy that can be detected immediately by others. You don’t need to ask for Love, to go after it, to search it desperately, because Love is already inside of you. Searching for Love might be the reason why you are not finding it. If you Love yourself, you will feel self-confident, you will know which is the best relationship for you, how to express your needs, how to set boundaries, and how to share the Love you already have.
If you want to be with the Love of your life, you need to become it. Work on yourself. Be sure that your heart is open for Love. Are you really ready to meet your Soul Mate? Sometimes, after a break up or a painful divorce, we make an agreement with ourselves to avoid Love and relationships in order to not put our heart at risk again. If you have closed your heart to protect yourself, you won’t allow Love to enter. Love won’t be able to reach you.
You also need to complete your past and let go of any disappointment, pain, or anger that you still have due to past relationships. Love never hurts. Relationships may end, but Love is eternal. True Love exists. Release the feelings of loneliness, and focus on appreciating yourself and your life. Only when you feel ready to Love, and have healed the past, you will be sending the right energy out, Love energy. Then, your Soul Mate will easily find the path towards you.
Love will find you when you least expect it, when you are happier with your life and enjoying it to the fullest, when you are your best friend, and have healed any wounds from the past. You need to believe in Love to find it, you cannot be afraid of it, of not having it, or of losing it when you do find it. Learn how to Love unconditionally, starting with yourself, and your Love life will be transformed in a way you cannot even imagine.
Dream awake and asleep about the wonderful Love that is coming into your life. If you can visualize it, and live as if it is happening, it is already true. You don’t know when your Soul Mate will appear in front of your eyes, or how the encounter will happen, but you need to have a clear idea of what you desire, and how are you going to feel, when your dream becomes true. Keep your desire alive and allow Love to find you. You are meant to be with an extraordinary being. They will accept and Love you. They will help you manifest the best in you. You are lovable and deserve to experience the most extraordinary Love. Believe it. Love is your destiny.
"You have forgotten how lovable you are, and it's this forgetting that's causing you
to search for love and not find it"
Relationships may end, but Love is eternal. Love is the force that connects us with our loved ones through lifetimes. The bond between us may have changed, but the Love that we felt for each other will never disappear, and will always keep us connected. Every relationship that we establish has a purpose. It might be short or long. It doesn't matter. What is important is to recognize that from a soul perspective, we are in a relationship to learn how to Love and how to be loved, to grow, and to develop our potential.
The feeling of unpleasantness that we might feel when we are in a relationship of any kind, is an invitation to transform ourselves, to look deep inside and find out what is triggered in us. We don't need to change the other person or the relationship. What we need, is to pay attention to our reactions and emotions, and to figure out where they come from. We can heal ourselves by doing this. The healing will be done when we will be in the same situation again, but our buttons won't be pushed, and nothing will be triggered.
Relationships provide the opportunity to work on our soul's purpose in this incarnation. None of your relationships with lifetime partners, teachers, family members, colleagues, bosses, or even neighbors, are exempt of the creation of karma, or the understanding of it. Love is the force that helps us to go through it. We are on earth to experience our karma, learn our lessons, and to continue our evolution.
If two people have been married for 15 years and have evolved differently at a conscious level, from a soul perspective, one may be holding back the other in terms of growth. The relationship has lost its purpose, and the couple, eventually, will decide to separate or divorce. Their different vibration will make it happen.
By being in a relationship that has lost its purpose, both are losing the opportunity to be happy in the right relationship, denying themselves the opportunity to grow and change. We become attached to the life we have, we might be too afraid of losing someone or something that we have been building for years, or to break a family or a relationship. But our soul, deep inside of us, knows that it is time for a different relationship, for a different kind of Love.
Even Soul Mates cannot be together lifetime after lifetime. They need to evolve, even if it implies to part ways. Soul Mates have a bond of unconditional Love to support each other. They establish agreements before they reincarnate. But when one Soul Mate becomes too attached to the other, the other will perhaps leave the relationship, break up, or even die, to provide a lesson of detachment.
The pacts that we establish with other souls in the period between lives, before we reincarnate, may change while we live our life. One soul may be busy learning other lessons, or stuck, and then another soul will help us out. We are all interconnected. We establish relationships, and live experiences, that will help us understand karmic issues that we need to solve, how to grow and evolve, and how to provide the same opportunity to others. We have more than one Soul Mate and souls that belong to our soul family, who will be there to support us in anything we need, and to assure us that we are never alone.
"Karma shows itself in relationships. The people you meet, the expectations you have, the circumstances in which you relate, the kind of marriage or other association that you find yourself in, all reflect previous liaisons. You are the sum total of all your experiences, and much it will come about through relationships"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.