We all have experienced traumatic events in our lives. Not only do big things happen, like a sudden loss, illness, or a breakup. Sometimes difficulties can come in little pieces that, by accumulation, make us feel overwhelmed, out of balance, and unable to connect with joy. Constant pressure at work, problems in relationships, financial stress, physical pain… who is not living at least one of these situations or something similar?
When it seems that it is too painful to feel what is happening in our lives, we want to make it disappear. We often tell everyone we are all right, but we feel miserable and carry on with our lives the best way we can. We try to avoid facing all we don’t want to feel because we believe the problem is too big. We run away from the fear, heartache, or pain, we intensely feel. But it is stored in our minds and bodies, and reappears from time to time.
There are strategies to go through these periods when things feel like more than we can face. Observe yourself and see if you are using any escape mechanism or are distracting yourself, to avoid facing the life situations you have in front of you. Is it working? What will help you resolve your problems, in the long run, is connecting with your body and the pain it stores, and investigating the story you have in your mind about these events. Approach it, even if it is little by little. And then allow all of it to be released.
Maybe you have been controlling the pain for many years, trying to be sure it doesn’t reappear on the surface of your life. Perhaps you locked it away a long time ago in a safety box and thought you would never have to see it again. But whatever is affecting you, even if it is very old pain, will not disappear because you ignore it; just the opposite. The more you ignore it, the harder it will try to get to you. Love yourself enough to help yourself to heal.
Soothe yourself, be kind and understanding towards yourself, and nurture yourself, if you want to support yourself in your healing. But what happens when our lives don’t go as we want or we face serious problems? We tell ourselves: it is my fault. Doing that adds pain to what we are already experiencing. We dislike who we are or our life, because we blame ourselves for not knowing how to resolve the situation we are in. Now we have two problems: the inner sense of shame, guilt, or frustration, plus the pain we are experiencing.
Become aware of what is happening to you. Do it, but don’t inflict more pain on yourself. To resolve any challenge in life, the first step is to add more Love to the situation. Love includes the acceptance of whatever is happening, the time to process it, the releasing, the forgiveness, the treating yourself with care, the asking for help if it is necessary. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be your own friend, not your enemy. There is no problem big enough that it cannot be solved with more Love towards yourself and your life. Love is a great cure for situations of all kinds.
Help yourself to go through tough times. Healing is a process. We all have thorns stuck in our hearts, hurts, and disappointments. Love is a powerful force and your ally in facing pain. Whatever you want to change in your life, it can be transformed. But the solution to face the pain you are looking for is not out there, but inside yourself.
The more you trust your goodness and innate power and connect with them, the faster you will be able to resolve what you are facing and move forward. You cannot make the events that happened to you disappear, but you can give yourself the opportunity to use them to transform yourself and become more resilient and stronger. Remember that, like the Phoenix Bird, you have within you the power of regeneration and wherewithal to heal and be new again.
”To heal is to touch with love that which we previously touched with fear”
It is important to have your own ideas. From time to time take a look at your way of thinking about life and see if there is anything you need to adjust, change, or let go of. It is incredibly useful to review one's belief system. You'd be surprised about how many ideas you hold that are not yours, maybe never were in the first place, or have been planted by others, media, or the culture you live in.
Nothing is true or false, good or bad, it depends on the interpretation you give to the fact or experience. Some people may think that the best possible day is a sunny day, and that's it. This is what I think, I don't like rainy days. But others, for example, farmers, or people who live in dry areas and haven't seen rain for a while, may think that the best possible thing is a rainy day. It all depends.
Religions, political parties, countries, parents and family members, schools, institutions… want to tell you that they know what is best, what the truth is, what you should think and how to act in consequence. But I invite you to learn to think for yourself. It is never late to do it, no matter how old you are.
Do your own research, don't accept any truth or description of facts. Go through life with the mind of a detective and a journalist simultaneously, and find your own explanation for the world, and how life should be lived.
Just because something has been done for decades or millennia does not mean it cannot be changed. The fact that millions of people think one way doesn't mean that many other millions cannot think in a different way. Your freedom of speech, of thought, of behavior, can only exist if you find out what your own opinion is, by yourself.
Still nowadays, if a product has in its pack “as seen on TV” it sells more. We hold opinions about what to appear on TV means, what to be famous means, what to have power means, what to have money means… What are your opinions, beliefs, thoughts, and ideas about life?
Since you were a child, you have been indoctrinated by many authority figures, you have learned from their lives and their experiences. Maybe it is time to release some limiting beliefs, fears, undeserving ideas, and those ways of thinking about yourself and your life that are holding you back. You can be free, free of a way of thinking that hurts you and doesn't support you.
I would like you to allow yourself to think that life can be wonderful and that you are unique. I wish you to see your own magnificence. I desire that you understand that your life has a purpose, and it is to be happier every day. I would like you to look at what you can do for yourself, that you lead your life instead of being a follower of others’ ideas. You matter, you can do it, and you will if you think you can. Let go of some unnecessary baggage and free your mind!
"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud"
Let it go, stop carrying it inside you. You travel through life with so much stuff within yourself, lots of unprocessed emotions such as sadness, grief, shame, anger, frustration... the list can be so long. Each of us has our own combination of events and experiences that affected us and still live inside us. A lot of what happened to you has been forgotten, or it is even unconscious (you are unaware of it), but it does not matter, it runs you and affects your life with a strong power. It is important for you to let go of what is not serving you anymore.
The same way you take a shower to clean your body, you should find a way to clean your emotional body, to quiet your mind, and to give peace to your heart. These unresolved, unprocessed, and even the not expressed emotions and thoughts, affect your life. Maybe you believe that you have overcome all of it, or that it was not as important, or that time will help you to cope with it. It may seem like this, but it is not true.
Some of the things you did not say because you did not want to argue or upset another person, or the occasions when you could not say what you thought or felt because the other person was more powerful than you, like a boss, a parent, or any other authority figure, remain in your system. If you accumulate so much and never free yourself of it, your physical body gets affected, stressed, and you can become sick.
We tend to please others, especially because we want their Love and acceptance. Sometimes you may be afraid of the consequences of saying what you really believe, and decide not to do it and keep it to yourself. Exactly at this moment you stop being your authentic self. There are moments when you may be afraid of losing the Love of someone, or being abandoned, and you conform yourself to a situation and become small. In some cases, you may not know how to set up boundaries, and others pass your limits and abuse you. How many times have you experienced any of these scenarios?
Don't be afraid of looking inside yourself. I invite you to do some inner work. You may think that you don't need to, but all that is happening in your inner world is affecting your reality. It will be very difficult to change your circumstances, not to say impossible, if you don't change what is happening within you. Inside yourself, you will find all the pain stuffed, but also all your potential and creativity; you will be able to know the real you, and to connect with your intuition. You will discover yourself and reconnect with your source of Love, Self-Love, and find the joy and happiness that you seek and deserve.
"Sometimes you just have to let go of the old and trust that something better is going to take its place,
even if it's scary to face change and the unknown"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.