Think of all the times you judge yourself, criticize yourself and blame yourself for all that is not working in your life, that you did wrong or that you didn’t do. Many times… it seems that we believe that the way we improve ourselves is by beating ourselves up. Going against ourselves without compassion. Acting like a controlling parent who pays more attention to the mistakes than to the successes.
We all have flaws, weaknesses and lacks. We’ve all made mistakes, errors, and nobody is not perfect. You need to assume that it is not necessary for you to do everything wonderfully and perfectly. Give yourself permission to be human. Take a deep breath and relax, don’t be tense all the time trying to avoid making a mistake. Focus more on what you have done well, value your strengths, pay attention to your achievements, even the small ones, and see your uniqueness.
The only thing you can do is to offer your best to the world, and when you don’t arrive to your standards of perfection, remember that you are human, that you will have more opportunities, that you will do it better next time. See every experience in life and any occasion, as opportunities to learn. Don’t consider anything as a failure or mistake.
You can forgive anything. You can forgive those who wrong you, betray you, disrespect you, or even abuse you. Once you understand that forgiving them doesn’t deny that the facts happened, and that you don’t condone the actions, that is only about letting events remain in the past, totally. Once you have forgiven, whatever happened belongs to the past and you live now in the present, where the events do not affect you at all.
You can overcome, by decision, what happened to you. You can free yourself of the suffering of remembering the events and reviving the emotions associated with them. It is a release to do that. You feel lighter and stronger, when you are not a victim of a past experience anymore. But let me ask you, can you forgive yourself? You, the one that in your mind is causing all the misery in your life, the guilty one, the person that made a so called `big mistake´ or failed.
The answer is: yes, you can, if you want to. You will do it because you Love yourself and you treat yourself with Love. You forgive yourself because you owe yourself some compassion and kindness, because you have a mindset where the present and the future you build every moment are more important than whatever experience you faced in the past, because you want to move on, because you are able to accept yourself as you are, with weaknesses and strengths, all of you. You forgive yourself because you want to.
The power of forgiveness is immense. You can transform your life if you just make a list of experiences you feel ready to forgive, to let go, to release and you do it. You don’t need anything else except your commitment to let it go from your system once and for all. Love will do the work. Unconditional Love for yourself is what changes your life and all it includes. Don’t carry unnecessary weight around. Release the past hurts, wounds, grudges, anger, resentment, and set yourself free. Then, open your heart and Love fully again.
"Forgive yourself. The supreme act of forgiveness is when you can
forgive yourself for all the wounds you’ve created in your own life.
Forgiveness is an act of self-love. When you forgive yourself,
self-acceptance begins and self-love grows"
Miguel Ángel Ruiz Macías
Stay present and keep going no matter what. We tend to invest too much time of our lives looking at the past to see what could have gone wrong and how we could have done things differently, or to the future, daydreaming or worrying about a future that we are building.
Don’t stop yourself by thinking too much. Just do what you want to at the moment. Follow the energy where it takes you. Be aware of what is your desired destination, but give up the idea that there is only one way to get there. Things can be different than you imagine. You may have to take a detour.
Let go of the need to control your life, and learn to be in the moment. You are resourceful, you are more powerful than you imagine, and you don’t need to have everything ready before you start. A good idea of where you are going, of what you desire, and all your intention to get somewhere, are good enough to activate the necessary energy to have your desires fulfilled.
When we are in the process of doing something, sometimes we don’t see the progress we make day by day. If you feel stuck and impatient, look at your life and I am sure you will find something to celebrate, that you have accomplished, that makes you feel closer and able to reach your goal, dream, or desire.
Remember that the important thing is the journey, not the destination. Focus on enjoying every moment of the trip, without judging it. Don’t fight with life, accept it as it is. Nothing remains the same, there are infinite possibilities available to you. You can make changes, you can live in a different way, and it will happen if you continue on your way no matter what.
Believe in yourself. Don’t allow others, or yourself, to sabotage your life and intentions. Keep them for yourself if necessary. Don’t look outside of yourself to find approval and validation, or compare yourself with others. Focus on your resources, and you will find your gifts and talents, the ones you will have to use for the journey of life.
Persist, insist, resist if necessary. Life can be tough at times, but you will get where you want if you keep trying. Ask for guidance, talk to those who may help you, open your heart to receive support and resources. Live your life with freedom and happiness in your heart. You may not have the life you want yet, but you have a life to live and to enjoy.
Self-judgment can be a pattern. Something you do without realizing it. Be aware if it happens, and transform it into self-appreciation. You are good enough. You can do it and you will. You may not know the way, but it will be clear to you at a certain point of the path.
Perhaps what you want won’t happen in the timing you expect, but within a divine timing. But never give up on your dreams. They are only yours, and they are there to inspire you, and to take you to the next step in your life. Every baby step counts. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
"As long as you keep going, you will keep getting better. And as you get
better, you gain more confidence. That alone is success"
Love yourself enough to act on your own interest, to make yourself and your happiness a priority. Be your best friend, empower and encourage yourself. Believe in yourself. There is no one like you and there will never be. You have a unique way of being. You are limitless. Rely in your capabilities to create the life you want. You are in the path of Love, to learn how to Love and how to be loved and it all starts with the Love for yourself. Open your heart.
Love yourself enough to stop criticizing and judging yourself whenever things don't go the way you want, of when you feel you failed. Don't go against yourself for any reason or under any circumstance. Learn how to be more compassionate, understanding and kind with yourself, to be able to accept yourself totally. Develop self-forgiveness. Understand that you don't need to be perfect to Love yourself. You deserve your own Love.
Love yourself enough to choose the relationships that exemplify that Love. Learn how to set up boundaries and express your needs. Respect and honor yourself, and ask others to treat you the same way. Love without abandoning yourself in any relationship or stopping being yourself. Never pretend to please others, or lie to be accepted. Know when and how to say no; do it without feeling guilty, as is your right.
Love yourself enough to be authentically you, without any masks. Invest time in knowing yourself and your gifts, and appreciate them. Spend time with yourself. Let go of the expectations of others about your life. Love unconditionally, both yourself and others, not expecting to get anything in return. Learn to Love without a reason. Don't change, adapt excessively, or make yourself small in order to receive Love. You are lovable the way you are.
Love yourself enough to understand that you are never alone because you are always in the best possible company: your own. Understand that the most important relationship that you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. Don't be afraid to lose Love; when you understand that it infuses your very self, and that you can generate it, you share it without limits and it comes back to you.
Love yourself enough to know that with the power of your own Self-Love you can overcome any difficulty or challenge in life. Choose who you want to be. Trust yourself and your decisions. Live your life with passion. Enjoy every moment of it. Explore it. Expand your horizons. Go after your dreams. Never forget your passions. Find the time to be you and to enjoy it. Let the little child that you still have inside of you go out and play. Connect with yourself and dedicate your life to what is really important: Love.
“No matter how much we give Love, if we don’t give it to ourselves
nobody can Love us enough”
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.