You may want to change some aspect of your personality or behavior. Becoming the best you can be is a great resolution; the problem is that we usually embark on this process by judging ourselves harshly. The best way to change something is to do it for Love, Love for yourself. Do you want to quit smoking or start exercising? Do you want to be healthier or lose some pounds? Do you want to be kinder or less frustrated? Any of these changes require that you Love yourself more than you do right now.
A good beginning for achieving change is to accept the situation you are in, and yourself as you are. A sense of acceptance also means that you don’t reject yourself because you are not the way you want to be or your life doesn’t look like you expected. Choose to change because you want to, because it is good for you. Don’t do it by denying Love for yourself or torturing yourself. If you don’t feel like changing anything right now, don’t do it. Be free to choose. Be patient and honest with yourself. Don’t create an inner war.
Forgiving yourself allows you to start from scratch in this changing process. Maybe you have tried to change the same thing several times, and you failed. Then you face the challenge of change from a deep feeling of not being capable, which won’t help you. Let’s start with a clean slate. This is a new situation, and you are not the same person you were even yesterday. You can do things differently; you may feel more powerful now, have more resources than before, or feel more motivated and empowered after reading these lines.
Changing your state of being will provoke external changes that will make it easier for you to change. One key element of changing anything in your life is to change the opinion you have about yourself. Do you see yourself as a champion, capable, intelligent, wise, and ready to face any challenge in life? That’s great news! But if you are locked into your story of failure for something you experienced in the past or that is happening now, or you feel you are not good enough, it will complicate the process.
If you blame yourself for lost opportunities, failures, mistakes, wrongdoings, and cannot let go of the idea that there is something wrong with you, it will be difficult to ever consider changing. That is the real reason we get stuck in life. Something happens to us, and we cannot move forward. It may be a divorce, being fired, losing someone you Love, or something you value. After one big hurtful event or a combination of many small experiences, we keep walking ahead, but we do it deeply wounded. We have a wound in the place that hurts the most: our worthiness, sense of importance, and uniqueness.
But you can release whatever happened to you in the past. You can forgive yourself and start anew. Even the most traumatic events will be part of your story, but they won’t determine your future unless you allow it to happen. The essential part of change is to commit to loving yourself no matter what. Once you decide it, when you feel it deeply and understand how to do it, you will realize that you are more important than what holds you back from changing, and you will be ready to take action.
Taking action will mean focusing on the new You you are building, in the new reality you are creating. Instead of fighting with the old You to change it, you can create a different You with new values and belief systems that support you. Imagine a new You that is understanding, compassionate, and kind to yourself—a being that always has words of Love for you and not harsh words.
Whom would you be if you didn’t believe anymore that there was something wrong with you or your life? I want to meet this new You who is aware of their imperfections but accepts all of them with a smile and keeps walking through life, one step at a time, recognizing their essence of Love. The only reason to change is Love. Feel free to choose Love. When you connect with the Love inside yourself, you will be changed.
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.