We are born with the capability to Love and to be loved. Why does it become complicated to share our Love and establish relationships as adults? A child is a being full of Love. He knows perfectly how to express it. He is sharing it all the time. He knows what true Love is. It seems that when we grow up we become afraid of loving. It became so important for us to be accepted, to not be rejected that we will do everything in our hands to get the Love we want. At that moment, we start searching for Love outside of ourselves.
A lot of people think that they will start to Love when they find the right person. But the process works in exactly the opposite way. When they start to Love they will find the right person to share their Love with. It seems to be a matter of chance to be lucky enough to find someone to Love, but it is not. Be Love, surround yourself with it, and you will attract Love into your life.
The idea that we have about Love has been created by the influences that we have received during our whole life: the relationship of our parents, the religious group we belong to, our school, our friends, the films we watched and the stories others told us. Our first experiences in romantic relationships will also contribute to our idea about what Love is and how we have to feel in a relationship. Everybody talks about Love or the absence of it but, what is True Love?
We have a lot of expectations when we establish a relationship. Nobody told us that to Love someone is to accept them the way they are. We create an internal image of what the relationship has to be, and when our expectations are not fulfilled, we blame the other person. We try to control the behavior of our partner because we don’t like it. The relationship becomes a war to see who gets control over the other. True Love doesn’t have expectations.
We cannot share what we don’t have. The question is do you Love yourself? Or saying it in a different way, do you accept yourself the way you are? How are you going to accept others if you are not able to do it with yourself? Learn to Love yourself and then you will be able to share your Love with others. You cannot ask others to Love you if you are not able to do it. True Love starts with Self-Love. True Love accepts the other as she is.
We want the other to make us happy, to complete us. How can we put our happiness in his/her hands? Happiness is a feeling that comes from inside of us. It is the result of Love coming out of you. The only one that can provide you with happiness is yourself.
When we don’t get what we want in a relationship, we start judging our partner. We judge him/her for what he does and for what he doesn’t do. He is not fitting into our idea of the way he or she has to behave in a relationship and we don’t accept it. We are not able to change it and we feel unhappy as a consequence. Real Love does not judge. Are we able to do that with the person we are sharing our life with? Can we stop judging and start accepting? True Love doesn’t judge.
True Love does not have expectations. It accepts everything that is given and is grateful for it. Real Love does not have obligations. It is Love without a reason. We Love because we want to. We don’t need a reason or to justify it. It does not expect anything in return. If I Love unconditionally, I don’t feel hurt because of the quantity of Love I am receiving from my partner. True Love respects and does not try to control or manipulate. Love forgives. Love is generous. Love is kind.
“For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.