All of us want to feel loved. We want to receive proof that we are loved. We want dedication and attention. We can even withdraw our Love when we are not sure if another person loves us, or when we feel insecure in a relationship. But Love is never conditional. Real Love does not expect retribution, a guarantee, and has no obligation. Love just gives without expecting anything in return. Love just wants to be expressed.
The world of Love seems to be complicated. Some cannot find it, others had it and lost it, there are people that have never experienced it, others are afraid of it, or cannot express the Love they have inside themselves. We aim to poses something that we don't even know how to describe, to find, or to keep. Love can take you to the moon, make you feel special, bring out the best in you, and allow you to become a better person. But Love can make you feel miserable and vulnerable, and break your heart, and so many people have built tall walls to protect themselves from it because they believe that Love hurts.
How it possible that Love can be so desired, and we all want to experience it and, at the same time, loving seems so scary and it creates so much suffering? Every relationship that we establish is an opportunity to learn how to Love and to be loved. Love is a choice. It is a state of being. It is a decision we can make, even in spite of the other person. We Love because we decide to. When we Love no matter what, for no specific reason, or without expecting anything in return, we are loving unconditionally.
To be able to Love others you have to Love yourself first. By doing that, you will be able to share your Love without asking anything in return, without trying to control or possess the other person in order to assure your dose of Love. Your own Love will support you, and will allow you to be more compassionate, understanding, and less judgmental with others. Love is free like the wind, or it is not Love. You cannot demand to be loved; it has to be given to you freely. Love is a flow, we offer our Love and we receive Love.
When you invest all your energy in loving yourself, you create a full battery of Love that is ready to be shared with others. You will be able to give Love without the need to receive it. Love will arrive to you anyway, your essence of Love will attract more Love into your life. The Love that you express, the Love of who you are, will make you so attractive and irresistible. Love is not an exchange. Love is what you already have within you, and you share. It is the energy that drives you. It is the solution to any problem you may have. It is the key that unlocks all hearts. Be Love.
"It is all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you,
rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit"
A way to Love yourself more is to have self-awareness, to understand who you are. It is difficult to Love someone that you don't know. What do you really know about yourself? Maybe not so much. You have an image about yourself that you present to the world, you have certain beliefs about who you are, and you know facts of your life, your story and memories but, who you are really?
You can know more about yourself in so many different ways. You can ask your loved ones what your best qualities are, do an assessment, ask an astrologer to do the interpretation of your birth chart, you can learn to interpret your dreams (which contain important information for you), you can register in a class of self-development, meditate, journal, do inner work of any kind... there are so many different ways to gain self-awareness, and all of them require that you become interested in knowing who is behind your body and mind.
Invest time in yourself to discovering more about you. Look at yourself with new eyes. Find out and appreciate all the good attributes you have. Find out what your gifts are. See what you like about yourself. Reconnect with what makes you feel passionate. You are not defined by your achievements, your success, or the roles that you play in life. You are much more than you think you are. There is so much to discover about yourself. To get to know you, you will have to spend time with yourself.
Do you need more ideas to discover yourself? Try new things and see what your reactions are. Test yourself. Do something you are afraid of. Try something you believe you cannot do. Experiment. Do things in a different way. Try new kinds of foods. Practice a sport that you have never practiced before. Do an activity you have never tried. Register in a class to learn something. Push your boundaries. Explore new avenues. Go to different places. Expand your horizons. Talk with someone you don't know. It does not matter what you do, what is important is that you do something different, new, or unknown, and you will see a new you emerging.
Everything you try will provide you with new information about yourself. You will enrich yourself with different experiences. Maybe you will change the limiting beliefs that you have about what you can or cannot do. You will go out of your comfort zone. You will meet new people and with them, new ways of being. Your life and surroundings will change, and you will change too. You will gain confidence and be more open minded, or maybe less judgmental with yourself. You will have fun and enjoy life. You will spend 24 hours a day with yourself for the rest of your life, so it would be a good idea to know yourself better and to have a wonderful relationship with yourself, don't you think?
"There is more to all of us than we realize. Life is so much bigger, grander, higher, and wider than we allow ourselves to think. We are capable of so much more than we allow ourselves to believe"
You can change yourself and your life at any moment. Every breath you take is an opportunity to do it. Don’t wait until next year, next month, or Monday… do it now! You don’t need to make big changes. Just try something new. If you just take a baby step in the right direction, it will help you start. When the New Year approaches, we tend to set up important goals to accomplish in the upcoming 12 months. We plan our future and postpone our decisions waiting for the right moment to arrive. But your life is happening now, in this exact moment. Stop waiting, and start reinventing yourself and your life today.
It is important that you become aware of what is missing in your life. Ask yourself questions such as: Am I happy? In what areas do I feel stuck? What is creating sadness or unease? What is holding me back from living the life I want? What do I really desire? What don’t I feel I deserve? When you get your answers, don’t try to solve it all at once. Set up priorities. Close your eyes and imagine that one of the things in your list has been miraculously solved and that you feel great and you are enjoying life. What is this single thing? What comes to your mind as an answer is what you should start with. Put all your energy and intention into that.
Life becomes exciting when we are looking forward to what is coming. I’ve seen a lot of clients that felt stuck in the same circumstances or vicious cycles. I know how easy it is to act out of habit or to make the same choices over and over again. Become aware of the way you automatically react in life, observe yourself and your way of living and feeling. You will be able to break your patterns of thought or behavior when you become conscious of what they are. You may not be able to change what is happening in your life, but you can change yourself and, as a result, your external world and circumstances will change.
Love yourself enough to believe in yourself and in your power to thrive in life. Choose happiness, do it even when it seems that it is the last thing you can experience. You can make the changes that will allow you to experience a life full of joy. You can do it. Let go of past experiences, they are just part of your story. Imagine a brilliant future, one full of opportunities and possibilities. Visualize yourself in it. This is your life. It is your creation. Become an active participant, and don’t be a victim of your circumstances. You are not left alone to solve everything; you will find the guidance you need. Always remember, you have greatness within you.
"Your power to choose the direction of your life allows you to reinvent yourself, to change your future,
and to powerfully influence the rest of creation"
It is important to be loving with oneself. During a period of my life I was so hard on myself; I judged myself and my life constantly. The result of it wasn't good. Maybe you also do it in a certain way, and you tell yourself that you point out these things in order to improve your life and yourself. But what you really do is to torture yourself. We do it because we don't know how to Love and accept who we are. You can only change yourself doing it in a loving way, accepting who you are now, and planting new seeds to become who you want to be.
I would like to invite you to reflect on all the good things that you have done in your life and all the good moments you experienced. Picture yourself in these situations. Feel the joy and the satisfaction of being you in those moments. Live in a state of appreciation for what you have, for who you are. Don't complain, don't try to change yourself and your reality, just accept it. Stop fighting against yourself!
Being you could be difficult at certain moments. I am not going to deny that life can be hard and bring you undesired situations and life changes. Living your life can mean to be stuck or confused, not knowing what your next step should be and, it is especially in those moments, when you really need yourself at your side. Nobody can Love and understand yourself the way you can.
Being you is an art that only you can master. Celebrate your uniqueness instead of criticizing yourself for what you are not, or have not accomplished. To be you, you need to accept yourself the way you are, with an open heart and lots of compassion and understanding. Maybe you have to rediscover yourself after recognizing that instead of being authentically yourself, you have become someone else.
Don't go back into the past to look for all the mistakes and flaws you believe you made. What if in the big scheme of things everything that had happened to you makes sense, and the only reason you had all the experiences was for learning how to Love yourself unconditionally in every occasion and under any circumstance.
Don't worry about what the future will bring to you, and don't play small to protect yourself. Live your life as it comes, and trust that you will have what is needed at every moment. The power is within you. You are here on a special mission that only you can accomplish: to be authentically yourself.
"If you are happy, you can give happiness. If you don't love
yourself and if you are unhappy with yourself, you can't give
anything else but that"
I invite you to try, even if it is your goal only for one day, not to expect any result from your actions or the events you experience during these hours. Just accept whatever is arriving into your life. Focus your attention on being totally present with what is happening, with what is. Change the habit of expecting an outcome, good or bad, just be there and observe. Go with the flow.
Don't consider anything as positive or negative; don't create a future scenario with the power of your expectations. Your life path is not mapped out. You are the master of your destiny. You have a free will and the power to transform your life. But you won't see other possibilities unless you allow yourself to be helped by the higher power. Do you know why? Because when you expect something to happen, exactly in that moment, you are sending a message to the Universe.
The Universe is always working on making your desires real. Be aware of what you expect, because when you imagine that something will go wrong you, energetically, are making your expectations real. Be mindful not only of your desire; be also mindful of your expectations of what you don't want to happen to you. After you ask for a new job, more clients, the approval of your project, or meeting your Soul Mate, watch your thoughts and your energy.
Be sure that you rely on yourself and in the power of the Universe to bring you what you desire. It is not necessary that you tell the Universe how to deliver what you have asked for or when. Everything will happen within a divine timing. The higher power will figure out how you will get what you desire and when it the best moment for you to receive it.
You have to be sure you have faith and to feel that is already happening. Be clear in your mind. Feel confident. You deserve what you desire. Be in no doubt of it. You need be sure that you don't cancel your order to the Universe with your fears, doubts and negative expectations. Keep your desires alive and don't expect. Whatever you want and ask for is already happening. Allow yourself to receive it.
"We are mindful of desire when we experience it with an embodied awareness, recognizing the sensations and thoughts of wanting and arising and passing phenomena. While this isn't easy; as we cultivate
the clear seeing and compassion of Radical Acceptance, we discover we can open fully to
this natural force, and remain free in its midst"
How difficult it is to do nothing. We are so used to going from task to errand, from work to home chores, from `must do things' to `chosen activities', but all is about doing, achieving, accomplishing. Have you ever made an appointment with yourself to do nothing? Do you know how to just be? Maybe you consider life too precious to waste it doing nothing, but let me remind you that doing is not living.
Being allows you to connect with the world, to re-connect with yourself, to feel alive, to charge batteries, to pause and rethink, to reconsider, or to observe with perspective. Nothing has to be done to achieve all these things. You only need to allow them to happen. By taking a pause from your daily activities, you will send a note to your higher self, saying that you are available, and it will start talking to you.
You will only be able to listen to the wisdom of your heart doing nothing, in silence, still, in meditation or a meditative state... when you pause. This voice whispers, and it talks in so many different ways to you. For a lot of people, being in silence seems to be as difficult as doing nothing. We feel uncomfortable in the presence of silence. We feel an immediate need to fill it with any word, even if it is not important.
The problem we have is that in silence and doing nothing, we have to listen to our inner voice. Unless you have cultivated a good relationship with yourself, this voice is usually very critical, judgmental, and not compassionate. It does not forget any of your mistakes or faults, and does not hesitate to remind you of all that is not working in your life.
The real reason we don't spend more time in silence, relaxing, being present in our lives is that we want to distract ourselves. We multitask, we live in several places at the same time. We spend more time looking at what others do or say in the media, or social media, than looking at ourselves and our lives.
To do inner work is not really an option if you want to grow in happiness, Love, and abundance. Let me tell you the secret of success in life: Love yourself and others passionately, unconditionally, without limits. Love is the key to your happiness and success and will allow you to enjoy the most wonderful life you can ever imagine, and the way to self-Love begins in silently and gently listening to yourself, doing nothing. I Love You!
"Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn"
When things are not working the way you want, don't wait to take action. Every breath you take is a new breath, a new life, a new opportunity. We have the sensation that we need to wait until tomorrow, Monday or next month to change our lives. But your life can change now, in this exact moment. The only thing you need is to start moving in the direction you want it to go. All that is required is your intention. Where your energy goes is where you will see the changes. You don't need to produce them, just to allow them to happen.
The human mind is limited. We can see until a certain point in our lives. Not even with our best level of imagination, would we be able to create a plan as extraordinary as the one the Universe has ready for us. Your life is transformed each minute. I don't want to put pressure on you. This is not my intention. But let me ask you, until when are you going to continue living in an unsatisfactory way, being in a relationship you don't want, or doing the unfulfilling or unpaid job you are in? What needs to happen for you to take a baby step that demonstrates to the Universe that you are ready to change?
Everything is possible, you are limitless, you can do it... We use all these phrases, but do we believe in them? The problem is that sometimes we want impossible things, things that are not good for us, things that will require changes in our lives. We blame ourselves, our lives, and the Universe, for not bringing what we desire but we don't realize the consequences of what are we asking for, or we do it without a pinch of conviction, sitting on the sofa with a remote in our hand as a magic wand.
The Universe is waiting for your order. Dance with the Universe, allow it to help you arrive to the best place for you, to give you all you desire, to be balanced and whole, to have well-being and an amazing Love life. Ask yourself, "What can I do to achieve these things?" Is there anything that comes to your mind right now? If you came up with a simple idea, put it into practice now!
You don't need to do everything today, to solve all your challenges in this moment, or to start taking action in every area of your life. Just choose one thing, the most important right now. It does not have to be big or challenging, but it has to be important enough for you to commit to it. Don't wait any longer to get a fresh start.
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers.
You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life;
and the procedure, the process is its own reward"
All of us feel, we feel all the time. The variety of feelings we experience is immense and unique for each of us. From Love and content, to rage and sadness, our feelings are like a radar that helps us navigate into the unknown. We take feelings for granted, and we act on them without paying much attention.
Every feeling you experience can be connected with an act. You feel sad and you cry, or you feel angry and you scream at others. This may be automatic, but if you really pay attention to your thoughts and emotions, you will understand the root cause of your feelings, and you will be able to choose how you want to respond to what are you feeling.
Your feelings are yours, only yours. Nobody or anything can make you feel bad or put you down, except if you give this person or event the power to do it. Nobody can hurt you. It is not possible, it is just an illusion. You might be reacting to someone's actions, but you have the power to choose how you want to respond, instead of reacting directly to someone that is pushing your buttons, or activating something within you.
All of us have unresolved issues, things that we experienced in the past and that were never understood or processed. These issues are still there, waiting for the right occasion to make themselves visible. Sometimes this happens at the least appropriate moment. We can learn from what we have lived and overcome it. We can forgive, let go of the pain, the resentment, or the anger against someone or something that happened a long time ago, or yesterday.
I invite you to go to the center of your heart, to this place within where all is stored, and to let go of everything that is not allowing you to live a happy life now. I want you to know that you have the capability to express your feelings, and that it is ok to feel what you feel. I want to empower you to relate with others authentically. This will require you to express what you feel without limiting yourself, or avoiding expressing your feelings so as not to hurt others or be hurt by others.
Stop going through life shutting up every time you feel it is necessary. You can say what you want to say with Love, politely, in a calm way, but you need to express it. Feel your feelings and find the courage to express them. It does not matter if you want to say I Love you, or I cannot be with you. Both feelings need to be expressed. Say what you feel!
"Expressing my feelings and then the opportunity to share it with
others is just such a gift"
Every morning you have a choice to make: do you want to experience a great day? It is a daily decision because it depends on you. Your intention is the most important factor when you decide how your day will be. Your happiness is totally in your hands and you shouldn't give it away depending on the events that you experience during your day. You have the power to overcome whatever happens to you, if you believe so.
The first thing you need to ask yourself when you get up is how you will make yourself happy today. Plan the day, but don't get attached to any specific result. Your expectations can get you in trouble. If you can only accept one result, it will be more difficult for your day to work out the way you want. Anything that goes out of the plan or schedule you have will take upset your balance and ruin your day. If instead you go with the flow, are present, and take things one step at a time, without worrying about what can happen, your will create a magnificent day.
Focus on what is important, in your attitude, in your energy, in what depends on you. Be sure that what you bring to the world is your best, even when things look difficult or unpleasant. We tend to give our peace away when something goes wrong. We switch to anger, fear, frustration, disappointment or any other emotion. It is perfectly normal to react in a concrete situation, but remember that you can also respond to it the way you want.
To respond implies that you can choose, that you decide in every moment what you think and how you want to feel. Listen to your emotions, but don't allow them to take you over. Don't lose your personal power. It is always with you, independent of external circumstances. Rely on yourself and in your capability to create a life that works for you. When you can imagine a satisfying way of living, you can achieve it. If you believe that you have options and opportunities you will find them along the way.
Whatever you believe will be true. Your imagination is so powerful, and it turns all that you create with it into reality. Use it wisely. Imagine what you want to happen to you. Visualize your desired outcome and you will make it real. It is important to desire, but also to be detached and to understand that things happen within a divine timing. If you believe that something can be yours, you are opening yourself to receive it. From now on, create your day; imagine yourself at ease, flowing, and everything working out. Decide to be joyful.
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself; I, not events, have
the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which
it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have
just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it"
In the world we live is more necessary than ever to find a way to connect with ourselves. We are always doing, rushing, stressed, and feeling the weight of the world on our shoulders. It is important to find a way to recharge the batteries of your body, mind, and soul.
Find a daily practice that helps you stop the noise in your mind, the worry or fear. Figure out something that helps you to let go of the limitations and the pressure. You need an inner sanctuary. It is not a physical place; it is more a place inside of you where only you have access, your place. It is a place to relax, to unwind, an imaginary site where you can stop, relax, and find true peace.
People find relaxation through meditation, breathing exercises, the sounds of nature, watching the sun rise, sitting on the beach and listening to the sound of the waves, receiving a massage, or doing exercise. But the place I am describing can be accessed at any time. It should not require a lot of time for you to get there, or a special practice.
What I am suggesting is more of a pause, anytime you feel the need, to return home, a place to reconnect with who you are, with the eternal part of you, the one that is not limited by external circumstances. Try to pause during the day, and allow yourself to be centered and balanced again. Be sure you are in a meditative state throughout your day, not only when you have the time to do one of the activities that help you unwind or let go of stress.
Love is a pathway to arrive to this place. Love is the energy that connects all of us and that will allow you to connect with yourself. When you have a bad day, or feel sad, your mood changes in the presence of someone you really Love. The energy of Love is contagious. But you cannot rely on others to change your state of mind, or to solve your problems. Remember that Love is always there, within you.
You are Love and you always have access to Love. If you are having difficulties, if things don't look good, if you are facing problems and don't know how to solve them, go home. Go to this place that I have described, you will feel safe there. It is a space where you are supported, healed and guided. There you can have access to your higher self, a self that is connected with the Universe and with all that exists. There you will find solutions, answers and lots of Love.
"Love and peace of mind do protect us. They allow us to overcome the
problems that life hands us. They teach us to survive... to live now...
to have the courage to confront each day"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.