You are the only one that can live your life, the one that can take responsibility for what is going on, and the one that has the power to transform yourself and your life. You are more powerful than you think you are.
We tend to go through life looking at how the world affects us and putting limits on ourselves. We analyze how others behave towards us, thinking that they have the power to hurt us. We complain about our family, spouse, friends, colleagues, or boss. Everyone seems to be the cause of our pain and dissatisfaction when we think about it, or we complain to others about what we are experiencing.
You are the only one that can change these circumstances. You can change any circumstance with the power of your own Love, Self-Love. For example, when in a relationship someone disrespects and mistreats you, they are not the only ones that should change their behavior. You need to change too. Maybe you need to learn to say no to certain things, to respect yourself, or to set boundaries.
Don't wait until others change, do it yourself. Once you do it, this person that you think that is causing your pain won't be in your life anymore. Things will change unexpectedly, or you will abandon this kind of relationship knowing that you deserve a loving partnership, and that by staying in this relationship, you are hurting yourself. If you change the way you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you, as a consequence, those around you will change too.
When you self-sacrifice in order to take care of your family or children, for example, and you don't feel well because you are exhausted and totally depleted, and you feel that you don't have a life anymore, you are hurting yourself. There is a way to change your life circumstances, but maybe not the way you have thought about. There is a way to ask for help, real help, from those who Love you, and also help from the Universe.
Think about a typical situation where you have too much to do at home. You can ask your partner to be more involved and help you, or you can ask the Universe to bring you the money you need to be able to pay for a cleaning lady, or for a nanny. That will allow you to rethink your schedule, or work from home, or part-time, to be able to take care of yourself and your family with energy, passion, and also feel well in the bargain. Only you can create these possibilities.
When the abundance is not there, and you feel that you are limited because without it, you cannot do what you want, only you can solve it. By loving yourself more, your energy will be better, your vibration higher, your creativity and inspiration larger, and you will feel more connected with yourself, others and the Universe, seeing more solutions and opportunities.
This shift will allow you to receive what you feel you deserve, to open the doors of your heart, and to share all the Love you have, and this will bring more Love into your life. This will improve not only your relationships, but every area of your life, and you will see abundance enter your life, that people around you are happier, that life becomes less a struggle and more a dance with the Universe, and then you will understand the magic of life. You can shift now, do it!
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the season, or the wind,
but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of"
Let it go, stop carrying it inside you. You travel through life with so much stuff within yourself, lots of unprocessed emotions such as sadness, grief, shame, anger, frustration... the list can be so long. Each of us has our own combination of events and experiences that affected us and still live inside us. A lot of what happened to you has been forgotten, or it is even unconscious (you are unaware of it), but it does not matter, it runs you and affects your life with a strong power. It is important for you to let go of what is not serving you anymore.
The same way you take a shower to clean your body, you should find a way to clean your emotional body, to quiet your mind, and to give peace to your heart. These unresolved, unprocessed, and even the not expressed emotions and thoughts, affect your life. Maybe you believe that you have overcome all of it, or that it was not as important, or that time will help you to cope with it. It may seem like this, but it is not true.
Some of the things you did not say because you did not want to argue or upset another person, or the occasions when you could not say what you thought or felt because the other person was more powerful than you, like a boss, a parent, or any other authority figure, remain in your system. If you accumulate so much and never free yourself of it, your physical body gets affected, stressed, and you can become sick.
We tend to please others, especially because we want their Love and acceptance. Sometimes you may be afraid of the consequences of saying what you really believe, and decide not to do it and keep it to yourself. Exactly at this moment you stop being your authentic self. There are moments when you may be afraid of losing the Love of someone, or being abandoned, and you conform yourself to a situation and become small. In some cases, you may not know how to set up boundaries, and others pass your limits and abuse you. How many times have you experienced any of these scenarios?
Don't be afraid of looking inside yourself. I invite you to do some inner work. You may think that you don't need to, but all that is happening in your inner world is affecting your reality. It will be very difficult to change your circumstances, not to say impossible, if you don't change what is happening within you. Inside yourself, you will find all the pain stuffed, but also all your potential and creativity; you will be able to know the real you, and to connect with your intuition. You will discover yourself and reconnect with your source of Love, Self-Love, and find the joy and happiness that you seek and deserve.
"Sometimes you just have to let go of the old and trust that something better is going to take its place,
even if it's scary to face change and the unknown"
All of us want to feel loved. We want to receive proof that we are loved. We want dedication and attention. We can even withdraw our Love when we are not sure if another person loves us, or when we feel insecure in a relationship. But Love is never conditional. Real Love does not expect retribution, a guarantee, and has no obligation. Love just gives without expecting anything in return. Love just wants to be expressed.
The world of Love seems to be complicated. Some cannot find it, others had it and lost it, there are people that have never experienced it, others are afraid of it, or cannot express the Love they have inside themselves. We aim to poses something that we don't even know how to describe, to find, or to keep. Love can take you to the moon, make you feel special, bring out the best in you, and allow you to become a better person. But Love can make you feel miserable and vulnerable, and break your heart, and so many people have built tall walls to protect themselves from it because they believe that Love hurts.
How it possible that Love can be so desired, and we all want to experience it and, at the same time, loving seems so scary and it creates so much suffering? Every relationship that we establish is an opportunity to learn how to Love and to be loved. Love is a choice. It is a state of being. It is a decision we can make, even in spite of the other person. We Love because we decide to. When we Love no matter what, for no specific reason, or without expecting anything in return, we are loving unconditionally.
To be able to Love others you have to Love yourself first. By doing that, you will be able to share your Love without asking anything in return, without trying to control or possess the other person in order to assure your dose of Love. Your own Love will support you, and will allow you to be more compassionate, understanding, and less judgmental with others. Love is free like the wind, or it is not Love. You cannot demand to be loved; it has to be given to you freely. Love is a flow, we offer our Love and we receive Love.
When you invest all your energy in loving yourself, you create a full battery of Love that is ready to be shared with others. You will be able to give Love without the need to receive it. Love will arrive to you anyway, your essence of Love will attract more Love into your life. The Love that you express, the Love of who you are, will make you so attractive and irresistible. Love is not an exchange. Love is what you already have within you, and you share. It is the energy that drives you. It is the solution to any problem you may have. It is the key that unlocks all hearts. Be Love.
"It is all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you,
rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit"
A way to Love yourself more is to have self-awareness, to understand who you are. It is difficult to Love someone that you don't know. What do you really know about yourself? Maybe not so much. You have an image about yourself that you present to the world, you have certain beliefs about who you are, and you know facts of your life, your story and memories but, who you are really?
You can know more about yourself in so many different ways. You can ask your loved ones what your best qualities are, do an assessment, ask an astrologer to do the interpretation of your birth chart, you can learn to interpret your dreams (which contain important information for you), you can register in a class of self-development, meditate, journal, do inner work of any kind... there are so many different ways to gain self-awareness, and all of them require that you become interested in knowing who is behind your body and mind.
Invest time in yourself to discovering more about you. Look at yourself with new eyes. Find out and appreciate all the good attributes you have. Find out what your gifts are. See what you like about yourself. Reconnect with what makes you feel passionate. You are not defined by your achievements, your success, or the roles that you play in life. You are much more than you think you are. There is so much to discover about yourself. To get to know you, you will have to spend time with yourself.
Do you need more ideas to discover yourself? Try new things and see what your reactions are. Test yourself. Do something you are afraid of. Try something you believe you cannot do. Experiment. Do things in a different way. Try new kinds of foods. Practice a sport that you have never practiced before. Do an activity you have never tried. Register in a class to learn something. Push your boundaries. Explore new avenues. Go to different places. Expand your horizons. Talk with someone you don't know. It does not matter what you do, what is important is that you do something different, new, or unknown, and you will see a new you emerging.
Everything you try will provide you with new information about yourself. You will enrich yourself with different experiences. Maybe you will change the limiting beliefs that you have about what you can or cannot do. You will go out of your comfort zone. You will meet new people and with them, new ways of being. Your life and surroundings will change, and you will change too. You will gain confidence and be more open minded, or maybe less judgmental with yourself. You will have fun and enjoy life. You will spend 24 hours a day with yourself for the rest of your life, so it would be a good idea to know yourself better and to have a wonderful relationship with yourself, don't you think?
"There is more to all of us than we realize. Life is so much bigger, grander, higher, and wider than we allow ourselves to think. We are capable of so much more than we allow ourselves to believe"
You can change yourself and your life at any moment. Every breath you take is an opportunity to do it. Don’t wait until next year, next month, or Monday… do it now! You don’t need to make big changes. Just try something new. If you just take a baby step in the right direction, it will help you start. When the New Year approaches, we tend to set up important goals to accomplish in the upcoming 12 months. We plan our future and postpone our decisions waiting for the right moment to arrive. But your life is happening now, in this exact moment. Stop waiting, and start reinventing yourself and your life today.
It is important that you become aware of what is missing in your life. Ask yourself questions such as: Am I happy? In what areas do I feel stuck? What is creating sadness or unease? What is holding me back from living the life I want? What do I really desire? What don’t I feel I deserve? When you get your answers, don’t try to solve it all at once. Set up priorities. Close your eyes and imagine that one of the things in your list has been miraculously solved and that you feel great and you are enjoying life. What is this single thing? What comes to your mind as an answer is what you should start with. Put all your energy and intention into that.
Life becomes exciting when we are looking forward to what is coming. I’ve seen a lot of clients that felt stuck in the same circumstances or vicious cycles. I know how easy it is to act out of habit or to make the same choices over and over again. Become aware of the way you automatically react in life, observe yourself and your way of living and feeling. You will be able to break your patterns of thought or behavior when you become conscious of what they are. You may not be able to change what is happening in your life, but you can change yourself and, as a result, your external world and circumstances will change.
Love yourself enough to believe in yourself and in your power to thrive in life. Choose happiness, do it even when it seems that it is the last thing you can experience. You can make the changes that will allow you to experience a life full of joy. You can do it. Let go of past experiences, they are just part of your story. Imagine a brilliant future, one full of opportunities and possibilities. Visualize yourself in it. This is your life. It is your creation. Become an active participant, and don’t be a victim of your circumstances. You are not left alone to solve everything; you will find the guidance you need. Always remember, you have greatness within you.
"Your power to choose the direction of your life allows you to reinvent yourself, to change your future,
and to powerfully influence the rest of creation"
It is important to be loving with oneself. During a period of my life I was so hard on myself; I judged myself and my life constantly. The result of it wasn't good. Maybe you also do it in a certain way, and you tell yourself that you point out these things in order to improve your life and yourself. But what you really do is to torture yourself. We do it because we don't know how to Love and accept who we are. You can only change yourself doing it in a loving way, accepting who you are now, and planting new seeds to become who you want to be.
I would like to invite you to reflect on all the good things that you have done in your life and all the good moments you experienced. Picture yourself in these situations. Feel the joy and the satisfaction of being you in those moments. Live in a state of appreciation for what you have, for who you are. Don't complain, don't try to change yourself and your reality, just accept it. Stop fighting against yourself!
Being you could be difficult at certain moments. I am not going to deny that life can be hard and bring you undesired situations and life changes. Living your life can mean to be stuck or confused, not knowing what your next step should be and, it is especially in those moments, when you really need yourself at your side. Nobody can Love and understand yourself the way you can.
Being you is an art that only you can master. Celebrate your uniqueness instead of criticizing yourself for what you are not, or have not accomplished. To be you, you need to accept yourself the way you are, with an open heart and lots of compassion and understanding. Maybe you have to rediscover yourself after recognizing that instead of being authentically yourself, you have become someone else.
Don't go back into the past to look for all the mistakes and flaws you believe you made. What if in the big scheme of things everything that had happened to you makes sense, and the only reason you had all the experiences was for learning how to Love yourself unconditionally in every occasion and under any circumstance.
Don't worry about what the future will bring to you, and don't play small to protect yourself. Live your life as it comes, and trust that you will have what is needed at every moment. The power is within you. You are here on a special mission that only you can accomplish: to be authentically yourself.
"If you are happy, you can give happiness. If you don't love
yourself and if you are unhappy with yourself, you can't give
anything else but that"
How difficult it is to do nothing. We are so used to going from task to errand, from work to home chores, from `must do things' to `chosen activities', but all is about doing, achieving, accomplishing. Have you ever made an appointment with yourself to do nothing? Do you know how to just be? Maybe you consider life too precious to waste it doing nothing, but let me remind you that doing is not living.
Being allows you to connect with the world, to re-connect with yourself, to feel alive, to charge batteries, to pause and rethink, to reconsider, or to observe with perspective. Nothing has to be done to achieve all these things. You only need to allow them to happen. By taking a pause from your daily activities, you will send a note to your higher self, saying that you are available, and it will start talking to you.
You will only be able to listen to the wisdom of your heart doing nothing, in silence, still, in meditation or a meditative state... when you pause. This voice whispers, and it talks in so many different ways to you. For a lot of people, being in silence seems to be as difficult as doing nothing. We feel uncomfortable in the presence of silence. We feel an immediate need to fill it with any word, even if it is not important.
The problem we have is that in silence and doing nothing, we have to listen to our inner voice. Unless you have cultivated a good relationship with yourself, this voice is usually very critical, judgmental, and not compassionate. It does not forget any of your mistakes or faults, and does not hesitate to remind you of all that is not working in your life.
The real reason we don't spend more time in silence, relaxing, being present in our lives is that we want to distract ourselves. We multitask, we live in several places at the same time. We spend more time looking at what others do or say in the media, or social media, than looking at ourselves and our lives.
To do inner work is not really an option if you want to grow in happiness, Love, and abundance. Let me tell you the secret of success in life: Love yourself and others passionately, unconditionally, without limits. Love is the key to your happiness and success and will allow you to enjoy the most wonderful life you can ever imagine, and the way to self-Love begins in silently and gently listening to yourself, doing nothing. I Love You!
"Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn"
You were born free. You have the power to choose. You have options. You have the power to choose how to be, how to act, what to do with your life. You might be following certain rules, religious beliefs, educational patterns, or cultural ways of being, but at any moment, you can choose to change them and to create a new set of rules to live a happier life, a more fulfilled one. No one can dictate how you have live your life. It is entirely your decision. Everything in your life will change when you take responsibility of who you are, and start asking yourself questions about the way you really see life and want to live it.
It may seem to you that your life is decided for you, but not by you. You may think that the country where you were born, or the socioeconomic status of your parents, have influenced your life to a point where you will never be able to achieve what others already have. Maybe you think that your genes or the color of your skin determines the life you can have. Perhaps you believe that your childhood, the way you were raised, the lack of Love you experienced while you were a child will affect your life forever. Or you have arrived to the conclusion that your divorce, or the bankruptcy, or any other situation where you feel you failed, are signs that you are not good enough. This is not true!
You were born with certain life circumstances, but they are not you. You are much more powerful than you imagine. You cannot change past events, but you can change the way you are now, and build a totally different present and future. You do it with the power of your intention, your thoughts and your imagination, with the passion and commitment to become the best version of yourself, with the power of self-forgiveness, and by letting go what stops you from being authentically you. You are free to choose, every day, and every second of each day. You don't need to change your life circumstances. You only need to look at them with different eyes. They are not you. They are just events. Learn whatever you can from them and let them go.
Life is change. You can change, or life will change for you. Take the lead. Ask yourself what you want, and go for it. Take a leap of faith. Give a try to a new way of living. One where you are free, you choose, you decide. You don't have to continue living in a world where others tell you what your life is supposed to be, where everyone has an opinion about what you have to do except you. Ask yourself if you live in the country you want, in the place you love, if you have the job of your dreams, if you would instead like to do a different activity, what is your passion, what is your purpose, what relationships in your life you want to invest in or abandon. When you have all these answers, you will be able to design the life you want. Then it will be the moment to use your inner power to choose, and to set yourself free to live the life you truly desire.
"The secret to happiness is freedom... And the secret to freedom is courage"
Love is powerful. It is a force that transforms you and allows you to grow. Loving, you become the best version of yourself. Love is the force of your inner being, the fuel it needs to accomplish the agenda of your soul, and to do all you are capable of, even if you are not aware of it yet. The Love for everyone that crosses your path, and travels with you through the journey of your life, will transform your existence and theirs too.
Love is the way you relate with others and with the entire Universe. Love is who you are. It is within you like the seed of a plant that grows and whose flowers blossom. The Universe is waiting for you to open your heart, totally, unconditionally. Then, a new kind of Love will grow within you. A Love without barriers and limits, a Love for everything that exists, not only people or animals, but also nature, water, air, light... a Love that does not separate by the color of the skin, teams, countries, or religions. A universal Love, an unconditional Love.
Let me tell you what Love is and is not about. Love is not attachment, just being with someone, an agreement. Love is not sacrifice or stopping loving yourself to be able to Love others. Love is not sharing whatever is there; in Love we create together a new Universe. Love is not pain; Love has the power to heal you and others. Love is not need or possession, Love, because of its nature, is free like the wind. Love cannot be bought, acquired or controlled, or it stops being Love.
Can you imagine what kind of world you would create if instead of sending Love only to those that belong to your family, friends, and those you cherish, you sent it to everyone and everything? Let me guide you through a nice dream... Imagine that instead of bad mood, anger, hatred, control, jealousy... you will only receive Love. How would the entire world change if every one of us, every day, every moment, focused on sending Love and being open to it?
Hatred does not help you to solve anything. It is like a poison you drink that makes you sick while you are taking it. It may feel good at the beginning, but in the long term, it will only create sickness in you. If you keep hating, only you will become stuck. The person, situation, or the event you hate, might have changed or moved on, or forgiven themselves or you. It is not good or bad to hate; none of our emotions are good or bad, they are just indicators of how near or far we are from Love. Love only brings joy and happiness. If you are suffering for Love, then it is not Love, it is something else. Call Love and Love with come. Send Love and Love will arrive. Become Love and see yourself blossoming.
Whatever you go you will see Love. Travel around the world and see that independently of the language they speak, the climate, how rich they are or the location in the map, people believe in Love. In the middle of a conflict, war, or invasion, there is still Love. Love always survives. It cannot be destroyed and like energy, it constantly manifests and transforms itself. You don't need someone else to change the world. You can do it on your own. You have the most powerful weapon that has ever existed: it is Love. Are you ready to share your Love?
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get -only with what
you are expecting to give- which is everything"
We have the tendency to become attached to people, a style of life, or a culture. When change arrives, we don't want to let go of what is known, and makes us feel secure and comfortable. But change is an unavoidable part of life. How are you going to grow if you don't allow your body to change, your cells to duplicate, your mind to develop? The same happens with your attitudes toward life, your belief system and your patterns of thought. They need to be updated from time to time.
The Universe will give you opportunities to become detached, to observe from a distance your life in this moment, in order to be able to create a new one. It happens when you are going to be a parent for the first time, for example. You don't know exactly what to expect, but in your mind there are a lot of ideas of what is going to happen. You have created a new world with your imagination, but the baby is not born yet.
But there are moments during our lives when you will need to practice neutrality and detachment, maybe towards the situation in your country, or how your parents, siblings, or children are managing a challenging situation, or when you have a health issue, and you need to decide what would be the best way to proceed in order to heal yourself.
You will be challenged again and again, until you learn non-attachment and neutrality. It does not mean that you stop caring, being compassionate or empathic. What it means is that you can observe anything that is happening to you, or around you, with a mindful attitude of detachment. As if it is happening to someone else, looking at it as an observer. When you do that you can be more objective, calm, and decide with wisdom what you need to do, or stop doing, in order to go through the life situation you are in. Give it a try next time you are in a challenging situation. Just observe it, don't try to resolve it. Look at it from different perspectives, be detached, and not involved for a moment.
"Why is this important?" you may be asking yourself. It is a key skill to develop because attachment is what provokes the most suffering in your life. Attachment to things that are good, and others that are not so good. Addictive behavior, being in relationships that are abusive, allowing others to mistreat you, not leaving a job you hate... all of these situations are related to attachment and a lack of Self-Love. If you want to be happy, truly joyful, allow life to guide you, don't become attached to anything, but Love everything.
"Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached"
Judith Costa is a Life and Love Coach, Seminar Leader, Writer and Speaker. She has a Masters degree in Psychology & Psychotherapy and an MBA. She helps her clients to overcome their blocks to Love, to Love themselves and to manifest the relationship they want.